Even if you’ve never tried internet dating, Ashley Madison is probably a name you’ve heard before. The service has always been something of an outlier in a landscape full of basic apps like Tinder or Hinge, with a more refined and classier interface, not to mention their emphasis on discretion. The platform’s been around since 2002, and when I talk to people about it, they don’t seem to realize how much it’s changed in the years since launch. With that in mind, I figured it was a good time to update my review to better reflect their current setup.
AshleyMadison.com is a dating site with a heavy emphasis on discretion. It’s an almost comical focus for a site like this, because you’d think your privacy is just a standard concern, especially in our digital age. That said, they do go above and beyond in this respect, helping their users find everything from casual hookups to deep, meaningful long-term relationships without the same kind of privacy concerns you run into elsewhere. Maybe you don’t know this about me, but your old pal ThePornDude absolutely loves to meet women, so let’s take a peek and see who there is to see.
It’s Not What You Think Anymore
First things first: unlike all those ads you see on the tubes for hookup sites supposedly full of horny local singles,
AshleyMadison has an official app for both iOS and Android. It’s easy to download and install right from Google Play or the App Store, and they’ve had a couple decades to polish up the interface into a world-class platform for finding exactly who you’re looking for. I’m using the web version for this review, mainly just because it’s easier to write about the site when I’ve got it in a window next to the words.
Another thing you should know going in is that AshleyMadison.com is no longer aimed squarely at married people. The older branding rubbed a lot of people the wrong way and frankly wasn’t nearly as inclusive as the whole thing is now. They even spell it out on the tour page, explaining that their service is a fit for damn near anybody looking to meet somebody. That includes single people looking for dates, polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous folks, or those just looking for “alternative dating experiences”. Whoever you’re looking for, their goal is to help you find them.
As much as I love the discretion gimmick, the top-tier app and the new, improved everyone-included concept, none of this counts for anything if nobody else is using the thing. The great news here is that AshleyMadison has an absolutely massive userbase, so unless you live in the middle of fucking nowhere, you should have a decent selection of potential partners to peruse. Over 91 million users have signed up since they launched, the website gets close to 4 million visits a month, and the mobile apps are wildly popular on their respective platforms. Trust me, this ain’t a ghost town nor a sausage fest!
Getting Started with Ashley Madison
Signup for AshleyMadison.com is free, so I gave them some deets and started setting up my account. One of the first questions beyond your gender preferences is what kind of Discreet Match you’re looking for. The options range from Curious to Adventurous, letting you set your comfort level right off the bat. I opted for Flexible: “You adapt depending on the person and the connection. You’re private when needed, open when earned.”
Then they ask what you’re open to. The options range from dating-app standards like casual, romance and long-term, to freakier play like kink, BDSM and group play. I know a lot of the newcomers are going to appreciate the Not Sure Yet option, so don’t feel bad about checking that one off. You ain’t alone.
I was wondering how soon Ashley Madison was going to ask me for some money, a typical concern with any dating or hookup app. Speaking from experience, it can be damn near impossible to make connections with a free account on most apps, no matter what they try to claim. I always like to see what’s available for cheapskates, so I declined the first invitation to upgrade, which happened right before they asked me to upload a photo.
Some of you have probably been wondering how you’re supposed to be discreet while posting selfies on a website full of strangers. Well, AshleyMadison takes a unique approach to their user photo galleries. There’s a built-in photo disguiser that will let you add a mask to your face or blur the whole thing like locked content on a porn site you haven’t paid for yet. You can also make photos fully private, though I slapped on a bandit mask and called it a day. Stick ‘em up!
Perusing the Available Local Ladies
Finally, I typed up a short bio blurb and dialed in my stats before going live. Ashley Madison asked me again if I wanted to buy some credits, but again, I wanted to browse as a freeloader first. The platform was more generous in this respect than I’d expected, offering up a massive spread of women within 200 miles. Even after tightening my range to a 10-mile radius, I still had hundreds to choose from. I should mention that I’m writing this from the San Francisco Bay Area, which may have a few more people than you’ll find living in BFE.
As expected, a good portion of the profile pics are blurred out, masked up or just headless. A lot of the women in my search results are showing their pretty faces, though some just post a quote instead of a pic. Most users only post one pic, which is unusual for a dating platform, though some include some private shots you can request access to.
There’s a decent set of filters baked in for refining your search, though I was a little surprised not to find elements like weed use, politics or other common dealbreakers. You can, however, browse for Ashley Madison users with your preferred body types, ethnicities, languages and limits. I tweaked my settings to only show women with profile pictures. None of the photo-free profiles I peeked at had any enticing details, so I figured I wasn’t missing out. Fill out your bios, folks!
While we’re talking about all your potential matches out there, this is a good moment to mention the AshleyMadison bot controversy. Back in 2015, Gizmodo published an analysis claiming the platform was swarming with fake users. They actually walked that back, though, admitting they’d analyzed the data wrong and their conclusions were flawed. Some folks only seem to have heard half the story, but Ashley Madison’s CEO says the bots have been gone since late 2015.
I’m always looking for fake bullshit when I review these apps, and I didn’t run into the same issues I have on the jankier apps. There were no obviously fake profiles, nor did I get a bunch of random horny messages from users as soon as I signed up. You’ve always got to do your own due diligence when it comes to online dating, but Ashley Madison ain’t the robot phishing farm some people still seem to think it is.
Okay, But How Much Does It Cost?
I found a gorgeous AshleyMadison user just across a bridge from my place, and I wanted to hit her up. Some of you have already guessed where I’m going with this, and yes, you’ll need to open your wallet to start chatting, just like on most platforms. For five bucks a month, you can let users send you free messages, though I’d bet a million bucks that’s easier if you’re a woman than a man.
These guys take a different approach to monetization than most dating/hookup apps. It’s mainly message-based, so a lot of users just buy credit packages and nothing else. That said, the monthly Preferred membership rolls in some bonus perks like extra daily photo requests and winks to send. More importantly, Preferred members get boosted in the search results, putting your handsome mug in front of more lovely ladies. It’s around $30 a month, on par with what you’d pay on the other popular dating apps.
The current incarnation of AshleyMadison.com is easily my favorite. It’s more inclusive now, ditching the morally ambiguous gimmick of earlier days, and that makes it a hell of a lot more useful to the average person looking to meet somebody on the internet. They still offer a higher degree of discretion than other platforms, one of the sleekest mobile apps in the game, and by far one of the biggest userbases to interact with. You can browse the locals for free, so I’d start there and then buy some credits if somebody catches your fancy.
