Scat Archive! There is a type of person who cannot just watch a weird clip and move on. He needs the full cabinet. Every creator. Every tag. A sort button, a page count, and the option to keep going until his eyes dry out. That person is you. And because of people like you, I have to shovel through shit and puke ten minutes later. YOU… You are refreshing a shit catalog on a weeknight and calling it a hobby. And me? I have a weak stomach. Always have. I get queasy at buffet sneeze guards. So when I opened ScatArchive.com and the front page offered me a spotlight of shit… well, my first instinct was to close the tab and move on. I may or may not have run to the bathroom and thrown up somewhere between the featured row and the most popular list… but let’s ignore that for a minute.
If a woman is going to waste an afternoon on you, she should at least get hazard pay. You live on leftovers, porn, and the faint hope that someone mistakes your lack of standards for an open mind. ScatArchive does not mistake anything. They look at your disgusting ass, shrug, and they throw the damn archive in your face, smeared in poop and all. So here we are now, beginning at the first page of one hundred and ninety-eight… and I already want to kill myself because I know some depraved degenerate out there has taken precious time of his day to sit down and curate this collection. I want to find that man and throw shit at him. No, never mind… he may like that. I’ll probably shit on his windshield just to prove my point.
It Already Smells
Anyway, the logo sits up top, split like a label on a jar: Scat, then Archive. I wish I could stare at it for another twenty minutes instead of test-driving the clips, but oh well… the world doesn’t care about my desires. Next to it, a search box, which is optimistic. What are you searching for that the categories have not already confessed? You know what… don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Before you get a clean look at anything, the site scolds you. Ad blocker detected. Ads keep ScatArchive free. Disable it and reload. I almost respected the honesty. Then a sponsored box tried to sell me the most addictive game ever made, and another one offered to build me an artificial girlfriend who could be dominant or submissive, wifey or wild. Buddy, I am already negotiating with my gag reflex. I do not need a cartoon wife right now! As a matter of fact, I do! And she’s on cleaning duty! If only I could summon AI waifus to write these reviews for me… life would be so damn simple. But no, I have to shovel the shit manually because that’s what I signed up for the second I opened the internet.
Believe it or not, this site has a categories menu. I’m not surprised. Anyway, the categories are as follows: All, Dirty Anal, Toilet Slavery, EFRO, which is their cute way of saying eating from the rear only. Lesbian, Smearing, Panty Pooping, Masturbation, A Japanese section, Ebony, Farting… Then More Categories, which I’m not even going to bother listing. Then the videos themselves… the spotlight section comes first: four selected, as if a curator with a clipboard picked the ones most likely to end my day. One of them, from a creator calling themselves dirtyanal, had nearly fifteen thousand views and ran about twelve minutes. I did not play the video. Didn’t want to. Then Filthy Japanese Girl has a pair of featured clips in the mid-twenty-minute range, one of them called Rotten Overload, which sounds like a hentai title. Smutty Luce shows up with a grand finale she named like a boast. I closed that tab, opened it again, and hated both versions of myself. Below this spotlight, you get the rest of the content. You can sort it by Most Popular in the last twenty-four hours, Recent, Longest, Shortest… you know the drill by now.
You People Are Nasty
There are creator pages, which are somehow worse than a sewage system of random clips. This means that the mondo dukes have a name attached to them. Anyway, the creators? Ninounini, Kaitlyn Katsaros, dirtyanal, Smutty Luce, Miss Medea, Malafalda… You can see their whole body of work. The whole defecation collection. I don’t want it… I don’t want this. I want an exit. I want to slide out of this rectum and go back to the regular stuff. Instead, I’ll look at the popular videos, because of course there are popular videos! Lesbian Monster Scat Swallow Trio? Thirty-one minutes?! You are telling me that people sit there and fap to this shit (pun intended)? And this thing is followed by Mia’s Scat Academy… as if we needed an academy. Sounds like a school I would transfer out of before orientation. But that’s not even the wildest of them all. A creator named Kaitlyn Katsaros has a smearing clip that runs over an hour, and another where the title says she is being used as a piss and shit toilet… Fifteen minutes… she does this for fifteen minutes. Bro… I respect the hustle. That’s all I can say before I vomit.
At the bottom, the site remembers it has a sibling, FartsArchive. Of course they have a second website dedicated to farts. I should’ve seen this coming. Do you know what the worst part of it all is? The damn videos play. I was seriously praying they wouldn’t, which is a first for me. But nope… the playback is solid. You only endure one ad, which has nothing to do with human defecation, and then the damn nasty plays. Somehow, I got lost in the pile of shit, and that’s a compliment for this website. I ended up on Huge shit orgasm, feet in the face and all, in an RV. A MOTHERFUCKING RV! People rented a vehicle for this… But it gets worse once you land on Vacation Chronicles. Basically, someone went on vacation and brought the archive with them. Now I’m traumatized. I’ll never stay in a hotel again. I seriously hope the hotel has a pressure washer and a priest. That’s it. I’m not going to walk through another stinky video. Nuh-uh. My stomach already voted against it. If you want to explore further, then be my guest. Now excuse me, I have to use the restroom.
I Shat On My Pride And Did It
So… closing remarks? Pros and Cons? I don’t have pros. I have mint and the promise that this site works better than it should. The design is cleaner than the subject. The menu is obvious. The sort buttons work. The creator directory is not there to shit on the Google Algorithm. The ad nag is annoying, and also the only moment the site seemed concerned about my experience. Pop-ups and sponsored games were my saving grace. I have never in my life sat through an entire ad. This is a first for me. And somehow… I wanted another one to show up. It didn’t. The videos played, and they did their job.
If I were allowed one change, it would be a warning label bigger than the logo, maybe a bucket stapled to the monitor. Short of that, ScatArchive does the job the name describes. It is deep, it is sorted, and it does not flinch. I am disgusted. I have a weak stomach, and it lost. This review wasn’t here for my enjoyment. It was for YOU, the readers, the same people who will watch Lesbian Monster Scat Swallow Trio and then ask what is for dinner. You put me through this. A thank-you would be cheap. A blowjob would be a start. So I might as well unzip and get it over with. Actually, no… I can’t even think about porn right now. I’m deeply traumatized, and I can’t wait to be off the internet for good. At least a three-day break. That’s what I need.
