I was hoping somebody would Rate My D today, but at the same time, I was a little nervous about exposing my dick to some rando on the internet. Sure, I could always send some OnlyFans girl a hundred-dollar tip and ask her to critique my own tip, but that’s a pretty penny for what might not even go the way I want it to. When I found out about this automated junk judging platform, though, I was eager to start snapping some dick pics and sending them through the wringer.
You’re in the same boat, aren’t you? Well, hold onto your dicks, fellas, because RateMyD.app is an AI-powered dick rating app with a wider feature set than I’d expected when I heard the gimmick. At the risk of blowing my load too early in this review, I’ll go ahead and tell you there are ratings, dick duels, free opportunities for exhibitionism, and yes, even the option to get rated by real humans instead of their AI penile assessment engine. Let’s get started, shall we?
Who’s Up for a Dick Duel?
The presentation at RateMyD is intentionally understated, rocking a clean, modern design with lowercase letters and some nice color highlights on a black background. According to the front-page text, they’ve already rated 47,000 dicks so far, but they’re not saving anything. Unlike the human dick raters on the social porn platforms,
RateMyD.app deletes your dick pics after rating for anonymity. That alone is going to draw in a lot of users who are turned on by the concept but have been too scared to ask a stranger to take a look.
You can jump right into it, too. There’s a free Duel mode, where you and other users upload cock shots to be judged by their AI. The big catch here is that you need a Pro account to get matched up with a stranger; free users who want to duel get a link to share with their friend(s). Either way, though, I like how the options open up after you drop your dick pic into the slot. You can Duel against teams of up to 4, share your genitalia with the rest of the platform, and even invite non-registered users to comment if you’re feeling bold enough.
You don’t even need to register a RateMyD account to Duel, nor do you need one to let the mob judge your junk. Beat Me mode is another solid freebie, no registration required, where real human users vote for your dick or the other guy’s. There were a handful of live dick-rating challenges when I visited on a Wednesday afternoon, plus one open challenge, which I accepted by uploading a shot of my own hog.
Accepting that challenge led me directly to another sweet perk. I knew the users of RateMyD.app would have an opportunity to literally Rate My D under the Beat Me tab, and I wasn’t too surprised when they gave me a link to the challenge to send my friends. What I wasn’t expecting was the sweet Reddit integration, which will let me instantly share the matchup on subs like r/AskDickPic and r/cockcompareing. (Reddit spelled it wrong, not me!)
Let’s Get a Free Dick Rating
The main feature at RateMyD.app, as you may have guessed, is the titular dick rater. I tapped the Get Rated button out front, and then uploaded a fresh photo of my pecker. Before we went any further, the app gave me a couple options about how we should proceed.
If this is your first time getting a dick rating, you might not realize they come in different flavors. Some dudes really just want to be torn down by a mean bitch who doesn’t have anything nice to say about their pathetic micropenises, while other men are looking for exactly the opposite. I’m always curious what the ratios are, but Rate My D actually publishes their stats: currently, around 60% of users want to be insulted.
You’ve got your choice between Roast Mode or Hype Mode, and while I’d typically choose the latter, I wanted to see what was getting most of the users here all hot and bothered. I selected Roast Mode, at which point RateMyD finally made me register an account. With my Google credentials, it was instant and effortless.
The machine whirred to life with a message reading, “preparing your emotional damage.” It took longer than expected, maybe 30 seconds, and I really expected to be shuffled along to a payment screen before I could see anything. Turns out, you can actually get your dick rated for free!
“Scientifically speaking,” wrote the machine, my dick is a solid 4.2 out of 10. I fucking love how, even as a free user, they used my pic to generate a free penis card like an X-rated version of Magic: The Gathering. Below, there’s a breakdown of my score, showing how I measured up when it comes to Proportions and Aesthetics.
What Does a Premium Dick Rating Entail?
I’d asked the machine to Rate My D and it did just that, but I only had part of the story. There were still four more dimensions to judge me on, tips on how to score higher, and even a pornstar doppelganger the AI claims I resemble. The only problem was, as a free user, I couldn’t see all that data just yet.
For two bucks, I could unlock the rest of my genital assessment. The better deal, though, is the $5 Pro plan, which unlocks unlimited everything for a month. If you’re enjoying yourself and want to keep playing, the yearly rate is $36, which is only a few bucks more than you’d pay for a month on a video paysite.
After getting my account funded, I asked the AI to Rate My D again, this time on Hype Mode. This time, I scored a 7.8 out of 10, putting me in the top 22% of users. Now, I have the full 6-factor score breakdown, advice on scoring higher, plus a 179-word blurb that really reads like a human wrote it. “The shape is where you’re really winning – that natural curve, the clean glans, the healthy color.”
According to RateMyD, my pornstar doppelganger is Keiran Lee. I am a fan of his work, but honestly, I think I look a lot more like Donnie Rock. Hell, people have told me we have the same body and cock, and the only way to tell us apart is by my oversized mascot head. Check out PornDudeCasting and tell me I’m wrong!
Judging the Public Cock Parade
Hype Mode got my confidence up, so I followed the advice on my results page and went straight to the arena.
The arena lets you upload pics and even videos to be judged by your fellow humans. I uploaded a pic, and since I ain’t shy, I skipped the anonymous slider and used my legal name, Porndude. I also made it visible to everyone, though you can opt for registered users only if you want fewer eyes on the prize.
You can select a few categories for your uploads, too. I checked off Balls, Erect and Girth, which I think represented the image perfectly. After stepping into the ring, I had the opportunity to rate other dicks. It’s a Tinder-style swipe situation, an X or a check mark, with a few optional buttons for the really special dick pics: Fire, Wet, King and Dead.
If you’re really into gawking at cocks and passing judgement, you should consider becoming one of the platform’s dedicated human raters. There are nearly 200 of them as I type this up, each with their own social-media-style profile. Follow a few and their posts will show up in your feed. It looks like there’s Stories feature a la Instagram, though I didn’t see any posted when I visited today.
Still, I was impressed by just how big the community is at such an early point in the game. RateMyD.app is still a new site, and a deep-niche one at that. These joints often languish in obscurity forever, so hundreds of registered raters so soon are a great sign. Given what I’ve seen today, I’d bet a hundred bucks those numbers explode in the coming months.
At the end of the day, RateMyD.app is a dead simple recommendation for anybody who’s interested in dick ratings, especially those who may have been intimidated by the idea of being judged by another person. Since the platform integrates both AI and human ratings, it presents a unique opportunity to ease yourself into the water: ask the robot first, and then consider flashing the human users. There’s a shitload of free fun to be had here, and the premium version is cheaper than Starbucks, so have at it, my dudes!
