Booty Calls

The Nutaku's booty calls game! Dating can be tough. It takes money getting a bitch horny enough for a butt-fuck and a Dirty Sanchez. Nowadays, you’ll also have to worry about some #metoo bullshit if you don’t make her cum a dozen times. It’s bad enough that sometimes I’d rather play dating sims like Booty Calls on Nutaku.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. A video game may never be as a great as a real-life bang, even when coupled with a really kickass silicone pussy. Sometimes you gotta make do, though. Is Booty Call up to the task? There’s only one way to find out.

A Very Important Mission

To play Booty Call, you’ll have to head over to Nutaku. I’ve got a full review of the site up, but the important thing to know is that it’s a platform for sexy video games and THE platform for hentai games. Think of it like Steam, but with games for you and not your nephew.

You can play Booty Call on the web or your Android device, but iOS users don’t yet have a native version. You’ll need to do some basic tech shit to install the app on your phone, since Google doesn’t carry this kind of filth, but I bet it won’t be an issue for you. Hentai appeals to the computer-guy demographic. You know, nerd stuff.

I was scrolling through the info page and found a link to join them on Discord. Holy fucking shit. This game apparently has a strong following. There are more than seven-thousand members, and nearly 700 were online when I looked.

Nutaku’s video preview starts with a big-titted, red-headed anime slut on the beach. She looks surprised, then her jugs bounce, then the on-screen text says she’s got a mission for me. Well, I am susceptible to quests from mysterious beach sluts.

The art is a flashy, colorful anime style with semi-realistic shading and highlights on all the naked body parts. A montage of hentai bitches getting fucked, sucking cock, or just looking hot plays as the text tells me what the game is all about.

The mission, spelled out in ALL CAPS, is right up my alley. MEET TONS OF GORGEOUS GIRLS! Yeah, I’m into that. DATE THEM ON YOUR ANDROID! I’m going to play the web version, but okay. UNLOCK GORGEOUS SEX SCENES! That’s exactly why I’m here. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Nothing, let’s do this.

Oh My?! Were You Watching Me?!

The game loaded in a few minutes, with some agreements and warnings to click through on the way. While I waited, the screen showed me that redhead on the beach again. This time she’s laying on the sand with her legs in the water. She’s accusing me of watching her, but hey, her cunt is hanging out. A few seashells lay around her, and one looks suspiciously like a dildo.

The pic is just another element drawing me in. The loading bar at the bottom keeps telling me what’s it doing, and it’s not the standard “Loading System Resources” shit you get with most games. Instead, Booty Call is Preparing Enemas, Shaving Pussy, Installing Orgasmatron, Loading Sex Toys, Locating G-Spot, and Applying Lubricants. The list goes longer than that, hitting you hard and fast and giving you all kinds of ideas.

I’ve got some good news for foreign Porn Dude readers. You can choose English, Dutch, French, Spanish, or Japanese. Kind of weird that the option doesn’t show up until the game is about to start, but whatever.

The actual game opens with the redhead on the beach again. This time when she speaks, asking me what I’m doing, I can hear her voice. My dialog is unspoken, and just appears on the screen. My response about what I’m doing is, “You just fingered yourself!” It’s not realistic dialog for most people, but that’s pretty much how I talk to women.

The broad who does the voice sounds innocent as hell, so it’s jarring and hilarious when she says shit like, “You know, it’s the first time my pussy does not smell like old fish!” She explains it away by saying she’s a mermaid princess. Right. That’s just the kind of thing a dirty bitch will say when she doesn’t wash her snatch.

Each click takes you through another line of dialog, and sometimes you get a choice of how to respond. The first option comes after she tells you only you can see her, and that she has to make you fuck as many girls as possible so she can collect their pussy juice for a witch.

What a Wonderful Day to Collect Pussy Juice

After I agreed to help the mermaid princess, she brought me to a park and told me it was good day to collect pussy juice. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t every day a good day to collect pussy juice? Either way, Fish Girl pointed out some college slut she wanted me to tag.

For a princess, this slut talks dirty. Pointing out the student, she’s talking about the girl’s big tits and how she’ll probably become a great dick-sucking slut once we teach her a few things. That’s exactly how I like to leave ‘em!

Again and again, this game made me laugh like a fucking idiot. There’s just something about the cuteness of the art that makes all the crudeness so much funnier. I love the main character’s lack of tact. He pretty much opens the chat with the new girl by saying, “Your pussy juice is running down all over your legs!”

The chick was surprisingly receptive. She started talking about showering together and I thought I was about to get to the first sex scene, but then she dipped out to class. Fish Tits came back and told me I couldn’t fuck a girl until I dated her.

Get Sluts Wet, Get Into Pants

Next, Booty Call introduces some new gameplay. There’s a “date board” that honestly looks like one of those color-matching games that women in their thirties play on their phones. The game says I use it to get sluts wet and get into their pants, so maybe they’re trying to tell me something about who I should be banging in real life.

The object is to combine bubbles of the same color into the longest chain possible. The longer the chain, the more points you get. Oh joy, that sure sounds sexy. There are more elaborate elements to the gameplay, like getting hearts, but honestly, I’d really love to get to the sex parts.

I have to tell you, it’s as boring as it looked. Despite the random sex noises and occasional vocal encouragement, it plays exactly like one of those lady’s games I mentioned. I have to wonder if the developers just bought some shitty gameplay elements to slap into their game. I hoped the butt-plug I won after the level came into play soon.

Tits or GTFO

Next, Princess Flounder Cunt brought me to the beach to meet two girls. One was slutty, one was a prude. There’s more clicking through conversations.

I still hadn’t seen sex before Booty Calls hit me with an ad to buy some in-game currency with the real thing. I wondered if you could spend it on banging one of these computer bitches, but I wasn’t about to pay money when the game hadn’t shown me enough.

I played for a while and still couldn’t get any girls to put out. It frustrated me to the point that I just looked up the sex scenes from Booty Calls on a free porn tube. Fuck. The art is nice, but they’re not even animated. Booty Calls was trying to make me play for hours and buy in-app purchases, and the reward are still images?

Can you beat off to Booty Calls? Yeah, but it would be easier just to hit up a hentai site. The dating sim elements might appeal to pervy nerds who dream of dating an anime babe, but the Date Board gameplay is designed for soccer moms. I don’t know who would want that mix.

The only reason I would recommend this game is if you’ve got a juvenile sense of humor. Booty Calls is genuinely hilarious. It just isn’t as sexy as it could be.