Horny Villa

Have you ever wanted your own Horny Villa? Honestly, I kind of feel like any house I walk into becomes exactly that, but we can’t all be a big-dicked porn stud—or can we? There are a growing number of ways to get your vicarious slut-banging thrills, whether it’s the POV porn genre, newfangled VR smut, or the AI sex chat apps popping up left and right lately. This next joint takes an approach I’m sure the gamers in the audience are really going to appreciate.

HornyVilla.com is a free-to-play adult tile-matching game with a pornographic plot. This ain’t Candy Crush or some other bullshit your mom would play, unless she’s into masturbating to high-quality hentai. They get a good half million players every month, and given the addictive nature of these games, I wonder how many are noobs and how many just can’t stop coming back. Today is my first time entering the Villa, but will it be my last? I guess it depends on how it goes…

Step Into My Horny Villa—Or Your Own

“Wait-wait, now come again,” said the babe who greeted me the moment I began playing. “Some old jerk saw you hitting on girls and bequeathed this villa to you?” She’s got a nametag dangling between her nipple-exposed tits, and looks like a secretary from a porn scene. I clicked the mouse to advance the dialog, which laid out the old man’s plans. “I believe you, like no other, will fill this villa with life and sex just like them old days,” he'd written, so I guess he must have heard a thing or two about me.

HornyVilla wastes little time getting to the game part of the game, which isn’t exactly what I was expecting. I’ve played so many games that open with a lengthy, well-illustrated intro storyline a la Hentai Heroes and its spinoffs, but these guys start laying out the mechanics without much setup. After just a few lines explaining the general premise, I was already matching dildo tiles to earn stars.

Truth be told, I prefer those longer, sexier intros, but maybe they’re a better fit for visual novels and adult RPGs. I feel like those early scenes help set the mood and keep me interested, but HornyVilla has some other tricks up its sleeve to keep players hooked. Within minutes, I had already unlocked a new girl, Kira, the secretary who’d been showing me around. The pic shows her from the boss’s perspective as she bends over a desk, dual holes exposed beneath her skirt and nylons. There’s a ton of sexy artwork to unlock as you’re playing.

A moment later, she sent me a text message talking about sucking my cock, along with another large image showing off the goods. The font looks pretty small on my laptop screen, so good luck reading it if you’re playing on mobile. I found myself squinting a lot today, so maybe I need to get my lens prescription adjusted. These oversized novelty glasses ain’t just for show!

I matched some more tiles for some more stars, which I spent advancing the storyline. The plot at this point just had me cleaning up the titular Horny Villa, swapping out the crusty old furniture for something a little more stylish, clean and fun. It reminds me of setting up for my paysite, PornDudeCasting, and offers similar simulated perks. After getting myself a new couch, I also got myself a new gal: Eleanora, the shibari-loving maid and sex slave who’s listed as a Rare HornyVilla character.

Building My Villa and Meeting Hentai Chicks

“This villa is freaking legendary,” Kira told me after I’d spent just a little time pimping out the joint. “All the sluts in the city warmly remember the orgies that took place here. So many asses have been spanked!” She went on to say she’s sticking around so we can “create lots of dirty and wet stories.”

That’s when she introduced HornyVilla.com’s Casting element, which I could totally relate to for obvious reasons. There are three tiers—Newbies, Pro and Pornstar—but I hadn’t earned enough diamonds yet for anything but the newbies. I clicked the button and got two more Kira cards, a mild bummer, but I knew I’d be unlocking more chicks soon.

I figured the girls were all just eye candy, but turns out, they actually have different functions in the main tile-matching part of the game. Kira’s in charge of sex toys, for example, so her spawners will drop dildos and butt plugs for you to match. This only made me more eager to unlock more chicks, so off I went to match more tiles.

About half an hour into the game, HornyVilla.com finally offered some in-app purchases. Some games start nagging you to spend money within seconds of clicking the Play button, so I appreciate the slower approach here. I wasn’t ready to drop any cash just yet, because I wanted to see if I’d run into a serious paywall like you find among some of the shittier free-to-play porn games out there.

Eleanora cleaned up the Horny Villa while I was matching up wrenches and fake dongs. Some dialog played out between her and Kira, with the secretary telling the maid she’s got to fuck you as part of the job interview. “If you pass it with flying colors, I’ll give you a candy… from my pussy.” Then Eleanora and I exchanged some tiny-texted SMS messages, including a nice hentai image of my maid all tied up in red shibari rope.

I wanted to keep chatting with Eleanora, but I needed to bring her to Level 3 first. I only had enough coins to level up to 2, though. Like many free-to-play adult games, you’ll have to keep track of a few different point types, and spend them to unlock things along the way. The shittier games will often limit some types of points to keep the real payments coming, but so far, HornyVilla hadn’t tried any of that sketchy bullshit.

The intro segment of the game takes maybe half an hour, by which point they’ve introduced all the basic game mechanics. Then you’re on your own to match tiles without Kira popping up every few seconds to give you new instructions. The pace speeds up quite a bit, if only because you’re not getting interrupted.

Uh Oh, Guys, I Think I’m Hooked

Gameplay at Horny Villa is simple, engaging, and yeah, a little addictive, too. I got a better sense of how to really play once left to my own devices, as it became clearer how certain elements worked. I quickly unlocked a pool area, met a cheerleader, and moved along to a different board with a different set of tiles to match. That’s where I started collecting condoms in addition to the other points.

I spent maybe an hour merging tiles and building my Horny Villa today, and the sense I got was that this game is legitimately free to play. Sometimes I’d run out of potential moves to make on the tile-matching boards without spending money, but I was always able to just move to another section of the game and keep playing. There’s enough to do here that you shouldn’t end up stuck just because mom hasn’t given you your allowance yet.

In seemingly no time at all, I’d boosted Eleanora up to level 3, unlocked a new ebony chick named Kim, and progressed the Back to College Special Event. With the condoms I earned at the Special Event, I unlocked some energy points, a few more Kira cards, and yet another new girl. Sally, an epic-level character, is a cheerleader who enjoys turning on the crowd, “And not just the crowd.”

I feel like most of the adult games I review are some combination of RPG and visual novel, making HornyVilla.com an easy recommendation for anybody looking for a very high-quality tile matching game with an explicit hentai theme. The developers have combined what you want out of both genres, with simple, addictive gameplay and enough visual stimulation to keep you hard while you’re at it. I guess the biggest question at this point is how long you’ll be able to play before you’ve got to lube up and bust a nut to all those hentai pics you’re unlocking. Good luck, my dudes!