Tinder

Tinder is such a wildly popular dating and hookup platform that I’ve neglected doing a review of it for ThePornDude. I know it’s exactly the kind of thing I write about around here, but it’s kind of like whipping up a review of McDonald’s on a website about restaurants. Everybody knows what a Chicken McNugget tastes like and how they’ve got two drive-through lanes, so what is there to talk about? It’s a little embarrassing, but it’s taken some gentle nudging from my loyal visitors to finally put out my official report.

I’m sure most of you know what Tinder.com is, but in case you’ve been living under a rock or been trapped in a weird anti-technology, anti-sex cult for the last decade, it’s the most popular dating app in the world. Even if you’ve never gotten laid on it or even tried it for yourself, you almost certainly know people who have gotten some action just by doing a little swiping. While it might not work for everybody, I still think it’s one of the easiest ways for a lot of folks to get laid. Let’s take a closer look and I’ll explain why.

Holy Shit, Look at All These Single Women!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: dating is often a numbers game. I don’t care if you’re a fat-pocketed Chad with chiseled abs or a chubby neckbeard who lives in his mom’s basement with a princess body pillow waifu collecting jizz stains, you’re always going to have the most luck if you throw yourself into the biggest pool of potential partners. Nobody meets anybody if you’re just sitting at home being anti-social, but your odds change dramatically if you’re willing to try and take some Ls along the way.

One of biggest draws of Tinder is that it’s literally the biggest pool you can jump into, at least when it comes to online dating. There is no other dating site or app with nearly as many people. If you’ve read any of my reviews of similar platforms, you know user numbers are one of the very first things I look for. With over 75 million active monthly users, Tinder absolutely crushes every single one of their competitors. It ain’t even close.

The upside of that massive userbase is obvious: you’ve got a shit ton of potential partners to mingle with. There are some issues with attending a giant party, though, especially if you’ve got particular interests, tastes, kinks or needs. A lot of dating sites target certain demographics by offering perks catered to them, while Tinder just throws out a huge net to catch everybody. Depending on who you are, where you live, and what you’re looking for, Tinder might be completely wrong for you. Grandpa might not do so well around here, even if his dick still works.

Another big, easy selling point is their app available for iOS and Android. One of the reasons they’ve gotten so fucking popular is that the app is so readily available, and so fucking easy to use. A lot of dating sites have corresponding apps, but very few of them have had half as much money as Tinder to throw back into development. I crack jokes about it all the time, but it really is one of the easiest hookup apps for anybody to use, regardless of your tech level or even basic literacy.

So How Does Tinder Work, Exactly?

Like most hookup platforms these days, Tinder.com locks you out of everything until you’ve actually signed up for an account. You can’t peruse the local babes without ponying up some basic deets about yourself, but fortunately, signup is really fucking easy. At this point, they’re accepting registration via Google, Facebook or phone numbers. It’s simple, but arguably a little more demanding than just using an email address. It cuts down on fake profiles and scammers, though, so I ain’t complaining.

Setting up your account is easier than other platforms, too. Instead of thumbing a thousand words about yourself over multiple pages of profile questions, you’ll just upload some photos and whip up a little bio blurb. You can be fully set up and ready to rock within a few minutes.

I will say, though, that a little effort can go a long way. If you leave your bio blank and just do photos, you’d better make sure those are some fucking stellar selfies. Different people respond to different tactics in different ways, so there’s no real “right” way to do things. Jokes can work, as can sounding smart or showing off your wealth. Depending on who you’re after, these can all hurt you, too. Unless you’re just a total fucking empty-headed loser with nothing to offer, though, it’s usually better to write something.

Once you’ve got your Tinder.com account set up, it’s time to start swiping. It’s dead fucking simple: swipe right on people you’re interested in, and swipe left on those you aren’t. It’s like flipping through a stack of baseball cards, only you might end up getting laid instead of just feeling like a dork collecting sports cards as an adult.

Whatever you do, don’t just swipe right on every woman you see, hoping for a huge pile of matches. Tinder uses hidden user scores and mystical algorithms to decide who gets seen, and excess swiping can fuck up your chances. They don’t make their inner workings public, so there’s still a little guesswork involved. You need to be engaging with at least some of your matches, too, or your super-secret score goes down, putting you at the bottom of the stack—if you’re even seen at all.

If you’ve seen my work at PornDudeCasting, banging some of the world’s most beautiful pornstars, you probably know why I haven’t been very active in the dating scene lately. I signed up today for some insight writing this review, and I’ve been swiping through beauties and uggos in the Chicagoland area. In a big city like this, it seems like I have an endless number of women to judge based on their looks and bio blurbs. Smaller towns won’t have as many, but since this is the most popular dating app, you should still have some.

Really? I Can Message Babes for Free?

Another major selling point of Tinder is that the free version actually works, with all basic features included. If you’ve tried any of the major competitors, or the minor ones for that matter, you know this is the opposite of how it usually works. Tinder is one of the only platforms that lets you communicate with other members even without a paid premium account. If you can get a match, you can have a chat.

They’ve got to make their money somewhere, though. The app will start hitting you up for cash soon after you start swiping, enticing you with the prospect of more matches if you upgrade your account. I’d tell you how much their three membership tiers cost, but the prices are secret and vary wildly. Remember those secret algorithms I mentioned? They also decide how much you have to pay. Older users and dudes, for example, pay more than young people and women.

Tinder Plus is the cheapest tier, giving you unlimited Likes, some Super Likes and a Boost every month. Boost pushes you to the top of the stack, which increases your visibility, but I think the unlimited Likes are more important if you’re in a big city. Tinder gold is the next step up, and tells you who Likes you before you even swipe. I’ve used this successfully to get laid with basically no effort, just checking daily to see who finds me attractive.

Tinder Platinum is the priciest tier. It puts you at the top of the stack for people you’ve Liked, and gives you the option of sending messages before you even match. I think it’s overkill for most users, even though it may boost your odds a little. For most folks, I’d recommend Gold if the free version ain’t doing it for you.

At the end of the day, everyone’s going to have a slightly different approach to Tinder.com than the next guy, though the process stays the same. Some might argue their popularity is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it doesn’t change the basic facts: as the most popular dating platform, with an insane number of users, it gives you the best odds. It’s huge, it’s easy to use, and it’s legitimately free, so what have you got to lose?