LinkDolls

I half-expected Link Dolls to be another cheap knockoff of ThePornDude, a list-based directory of smut with a theme of pretty girls. Fortunately, I was way off. I’m actually still not sure where they got the “Link” part of their brand name, but it’s arguably not as important as the “Doll” part of the equation. They’re not tossing the word around as a metaphor for beautiful, picture-perfect women. Nah, they call themselves Link Dolls because they’re selling dolls.

This being the world’s greatest directory of adult entertainment, you can bet your right testicle that we ain’t going to be talking about Barbies, American Girls or those weird ultra-realistic babies women sometimes buy when they can’t conceive or lose their minds. Sorry, weeaboos, but these guys ain’t selling waifu pillows, either. They say anything’s a sex toy if you’re brave enough, but LinkDolls.com sells the kind of dolls that are made to fuck. Looks like I might finally be upgrading from the DIY sex bot I built out of pool noodles and Four Loko cans.

Getting to Know Link Dolls

I don’t think the younger perverts know how good they have it these days. The thought crosses my mind whenever I think of modern pornographic conveniences and the bullshit the old-timers had to settle for. Your parents didn’t get to enjoy the hyper realism of 4K ultra-HD sex videos, and your grandparents didn’t even have the internet. If you wanted a sex doll back in the day, you had to take a trip to the crappy, weird-smelling adult shop off the highway, and your only options were cartoon-faced inflatable numbers you had to be pretty wasted to bang.

I remember when RealDolls first started catching the public’s attention back in the ‘90s. The brand is still one of the biggest players in the realistic sex doll game, with prices to match. If you’ve been window shopping these fake ladies, perusing my list of Sex Doll Shops here at ThePornDude, you’ve already figured that out. The overseas brands tend to offer a better value, though you’ve got some minor logistical issues to deal with along the way.

And then there’s LinkDolls. I assumed it was going to be another Chinese brand, simply because that’s what I’m used to seeing around here. Imagine my surprise when I pulled up the page and found it all written in clear English. I’m not 100% sure they’re an American brand, but they’re shipping out of the US. Naturally, the very first thing I did was compare prices to other US-based shops like Tantaly. Sure enough, they’re a bit pricier than the brands shipping from China, but comparable to their domestic counterparts. I’d say LinkDolls are solidly mid-priced for products of this type.

While you’ll probably end up paying a few bucks more than the Asian dolls, there are some strong advantages to buying from LinkDolls.com, at least if you’re an American. For one thing, I’m not sure if you’ve ever ordered anything across the ocean from a company where nobody really speaks English, but it can be a real fucking pain in the ass. You often end up exchanging emails with somebody who says things like, “We very apologies for the misfortunate of late delivery so you will include one free sex lube when shipping of early springtime.”

Like most high-end sex doll shops, LinkDolls.com offers free worldwide shipping. Unlike the Asian shops I mentioned, they’re shipping from a warehouse in North Carolina. That means you’ll probably get your humpable silicone torso within a week instead of having to wait months and developing a debilitating case of blue balls in the meantime. In a world of Amazon Prime, I know how impatient everyone has become with ship times longer than two days, so this should make you perverts happy.

How Much Lady You Looking For?

Alright, I think I’ve said enough about Link Dolls as a company. They’re legit, which is probably the only thing most of you really care about as far as that goes. What’s more important, though, are the products they’re hawking. My dudes, not only are these toys designed to stick your penis inside of, they’re designed to make you want to stick your penis inside of them. In other words, it might be silicone and TPE, but it looks enough like flesh to make you hard as a rock.

LinkDolls.com offers a beautiful selection of fuckable sex torsos and full-body sex dolls. By the numbers, they currently list 88 whole fake ladies and 97 headless quadruple amputees. The catalog is well organized, breaking it down into the broad groups mentioned above before splitting up sections by category. Out front, they’ve got quick links to their range of BBW torsos, their vibrating torsos, big asses and mini torsos.

There’s also a new line of automatic cleaning torsos that will appeal to the grubby fuckers out there. For around three hundo, you get an electronic fuck machine that looks and feels a hell of a lot like a real broad with a robot vagina. Besides the self-cleaning feature, they’ve got pussies that suck and vibrate, plus a sweet-smelling butthole to fuck if you need something tighter. I wasn’t intending to spend any money, but I’m impressed with this newfangled sex doll technology, especially at that price.

The full-body LinkDolls are more expensive, obviously, starting a little under $2k. It’s a fucking bargain compared to a RealDoll, but more than you’d pay for a Joy Love Doll from China. Again, I’m impressed with the range of products LinkDolls.com carries, with aisles full of anime sex dolls, Japanese sex dolls, BBW and redhead sex dolls.

Big-eyed anime sex dolls have been growing more popular in recent years thanks to all the Redditors and neckbeards whacking off to hentai. The alien Link Dolls, on the other hand, are something to behold. Even if you’ve never fantasized about fucking a fairy, a goblin or a succubus, these are worth a look, if just for curiosity’s sake. They’ve got a pregnant doll with pointy ears and an inquisitive expression, as well as a goat-horned sex demoness. The horny goths are going to love the smoking-hot, white-haired vampire girl and the one who looks just like Elvira: Mistress of the Dark at her peak hotness.

Do I Need One of These Link Dolls?

I spend my days and nights fap-testing the world’s greatest pornography, and sometimes the worst, too. Still, I always think it’s kind of weird how I’ll browse these sites with at least a semi, knowing full well they ain’t real babes. I guess it ain’t all that different from being turned on by porn cartoons, since those ain’t real either. The big difference here is that, unlike anime, you can actually nail a Link Doll.

It really got me thinking. I’m banging pornstars every week over at PornDudeCasting, and I obviously have to masturbate for professional reasons when I’m reviewing smut. That still leaves a fair amount of downtime for my dingdong. With prices starting at under a hundo for some of the smaller torsos and booties, maybe I could use a new toy from Link Dolls.

Then again, maybe I should wait. LinkDolls.com is releasing at least four new products every month. Sure, there are already a ton of enticing torsos, but maybe the torso of my dreams is being dropped next week. Aw man, this is worse than trying to choose something to watch on Netflix or Pornhub! LinkDolls has a pretty typical return and exchange policy for sex dolls, so you really need to choose the right one to start with. This ain’t like buying a new toothbrush, where they can just box it back up and sell it again if it didn’t work for you.

If you ask me, I think the sweet spot at LinkDolls is about three hundred bucks. The cheaper models will accept your penile donations and the pricier ones have more bells and whistles, but three Benjamins will get you a gorgeous, realistic torso sex doll without breaking the bank. Even in this price range, many are equipped with vibrating twats and other perks.

The old inflatable fuck dolls were cheap enough to buy as a gag gift for your buddy’s birthday, but the newer, more realistic toys are a big-ass investment. You definitely want to shop around before you pull the trigger on an expensive silicone slut, and I’d include LinkDolls on the shortlist if I were you. The brand is putting out some gorgeous mid-priced fuck toys, with a particularly attractive and cost-effective selection of torso sex dolls. Now, where did I leave my wallet?