Rule34.xyz

Rule 34 is arguably one of the cornerstones of the Internet, one of those universal laws from which there is really no escape. “There is porn of it. No exceptions.” As a professional masturbator, I’ve fap-tested porn revolving around all kinds of weird shit, from actual shit to living eels to fat ladies who step on you instead of playing with your ding dong. That said, when the denizens of the web are referencing the classic Rule 34, they’re often using it in relation to a specific format of perverse fap fodder: hentai.

To that end, Rule34.xyz has established itself as an archive of some of the freakiest hentai, doujinshi, and porn art out there. The domain’s been around for a few years now, and I’m admittedly a little bit late to the party. I hope the bucket of lube and Viagra I brought makes up for my lateness, because this joint is fucking hopping. These days, they’re getting a couple of million perverts streaming in every month, shaking their dicks at all manner of pornographic manga and fapworthy artworks.

A Classic Rule of Internet Fun

Most websites that cater to the spectacle of Rule 34 have a certain format, so one of the immediately interesting things about Rule34.xyz is how it differs from the typical setup. Most hentai sites feature a wall of thumbnails, each leading to a full-on comic full of futanari sluts and princess-fucking monsters, but here the emphasis is on individual images. You’re not necessarily going to get the narratives you find on the longform doujin sites, but it opens the door for a lot of one-off fap fodder options you don’t get on those other sites.

The artwork itself is on par with what you’ll find on the better hentai sites, mostly anime-influenced but with plenty of Western styles, cartoons and CG porno scenes. The themes and characters, likewise, will seem familiar, as will the wide range of kinks and fetishes catered to. Without even scrolling the front page, I immediately saw sexy chicks with giant dicks, cum-drenched Pokemon encounters, and chicks with huge asses getting pounded by tiny little dudes.

When I refresh the Rule34 front page, there’s a new batch of free stuff at the top, pushing the older material downward. Now I see a green-haired babe making ahegao faced while trapped halfway through a wall, getting buttfucked, a warrior babe giving a footjob, and an explicit 3D rendering of Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil Village. You know, one of the biggest revelations of the newest RE game is that a ton of you perverts really have a thing for enormous babes. The game came out a month ago and there’s already an insane amount of content featuring the big, bad vampire bitch.

Do you see what I’m hinting at here? The collection at Rule34.xyz is steadily growing by the fucking minute. I’m not sure if it’s a thriving user community uploading shit nonstop or they’re just really on the ball about finding new content for the joint, but I certainly ain’t complaining. (Oh, and if you’re looking for a community of likeminded hentai fans, this may be the place; when I visited the site on a Monday morning, there were 153 users hanging out in the site’s Discord.)

How About Some Hentai Movies, Too?

I refreshed the page again and found a fully animated loop of Kefla from Dragon Ball getting fucked hard, her boobs bouncing as the massive monster plunges her cooter. “Unngh! This feels great!” she moans. It’s only 22 seconds, but I appreciate the effort the creator went through, especially putting in the sound effects and dialog. The reason I bring this up is because I know a bunch of you weeaboos are going to want to spank off to it, and also because I wanted to point out that Rule34 also has hentai videos.

I do think it’s a little strange they don’t have a Video button up in the header to get quick access to the moving pictures, but it’s easy enough to find it. Just type Video in the search bar or click the Video tag on any of the little porn cartoons and loops you’ll find in the library. The newest video additions include a 3D video of a chick getting fucked by a dog, a weird 4-legged robot walking around with a big bubble butt bouncing around, and a relatively vanilla but still sexy GIF of Jill Valentine from Resident Evil riding some dick.

Have I mentioned one of your favorite characters yet? Is there a certain cartoon or video game slut who’s been giving you hard-ons since back in the day, and you’re always eager to see her naked and maybe covered in sperm or getting fucked by a goblin? One of the everlasting appeals of Rule 34, both the website and the actual rule, is that you’ll find tons of absolutely perverse parodies of your favorite characters.

I refreshed the Rule34.xyz front page again, this time taking in the parodies. The freshest is a Naruto bikini image added two minutes ago, and before that was a picture of Nicole Watterson from The Amazing World of Gumball, only she’s got massively muscular legs and she’s flashing a huge pair of tatas. There’s a double handjob and cockride based on My Hero Academia, and sure enough, another fresh image of Alcine Dimitrescu getting her enormous pussy stuffed by a teeny, tiny little man. Everything I mentioned in this paragraph has been uploaded in the last 4 minutes!

The trending searches along the Rule34 sidebar also give some hints about the most popular content. Apparently, the weebs, neckbeards and general deviates have been searching the site for Overwatch porn, Nintendo smut and Pokemon doujins. Hyuuga Hinata and Uzumaki Naruto are also big sellers around here, and by big sellers, I mean a lot of people are stroking off to them for free.

What’s Hot at Rule34

There’s a link in the Rule34 header to the site’s Highest Rated Posts, so naturally, I had to sneak a peek. I was, after all, all lubed up and hard as a fucking rock. It turns out most of the trending content on the site is animated, which ain’t all that surprising. I mean, shit, we’re modern perverts and we’re all used to cranking our dicks at moving pictures. Leave the stills for grandpa, am I right?

Currently, the top example of Rule 34 is, you guessed it, the giant vampire with the giant boobs and the giant hat. For real, it is one of the better videos I’ve seen of her, even if it’s just a quick 31-second fuck. The animator did a fucking great job making that big ol’ body jiggle as she gets hammered by a proportionate cock. She looks almost human-sized in this one, but thicc as hell.

Another bit of top content is a really nicely done 49-second clip of Lara Croft getting pounded against a wall. This one’s cinematic as fuck, with lots of wandering angles, closeups, and some really decent porno audio. Somebody get this guy a job over at Eidos Interactive.

The only real downside I can see to Rule34 is that with a focus on individual images and videos, you’re missing out on the longer comics you get from other doujinshi collections. This isn’t the place you go when you want to settle in for a nice, long marathon fap to a 400-page hentai epic about inflation, furries and vore porn. You’ll find those kinks here, but in the form of single images rather than real storylines. It’s not really a downside per se, but more of a different approach to the format that’s going to appeal to different perverts at different moments.

At the end of the day, it’s no surprise at all why Rule34.xyz gets such a steady influx of horny anime fans and depraved otaku deviates. The secret has a lot to do with the constant influx of material on the site, not to mention the focus on parodies and weird-ass fetishes. Go check out the front page. I think you’ll know right away whether or not this is the kind of site you’ll want to spend the rest of the day rubbing out sperm to.