DeepNude

Deep Nude! DeepNude.to calls itself “Your X-ray Vision App,” which is definitely enough to catch my eye right away. I once bought a pair of X-ray specs from an old comic book ad, but it was just a garbage pair of shades with cardboard lenses. You had to look through tiny little holes that were supposed to give everything an X-ray effect but really just made your eyes hurt and your heart sad. Technology, in general, has come a long fucking way since then, so I had high hopes as soon as I heard the concept here. If it’s an app, it’s got to be at least some upgrade from that huckster bullshit I fell for all those decades ago.

Unless you’re brand spanking new to the Internet, I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I’m talking about and what Deep Nude is peddling. (And if you are new to the web, congratulations on finally getting out of prison, grandpa!) The whole gimmick here is letting you harness the power of the deepfake technology to make your own fake nudes. This one’s a freemium site, so even the cheapskates can have at least a little fun without having to bust out the wallet or ask mom for some allowance money. Speaking of mom, you’d better not let her catch you running her photos through this thing unless you want to get kicked out of the basement for real this time.

Freebies from a Dude Who Looks Like Me

I had a weird sense of déjà vu as soon as I landed on DeepNude.to’s front page. “Is that me?” I thought, rubbing my eyes and trying to shake the Viagra hangover from my brain. Right beneath the site’s name, there’s a logo of a really fucking familiar-looking dude staring out from the center of the screen. He’s wearing a big grin and a pair of glasses, a lot like yours truly. I guess the big giveaway is that this dude isn’t a redhead but a blonde, and those aren’t the prescription lenses I use to gawk at naked ladies on the computer all day. In fact, I think those are the very X-ray Spex I mentioned in the intro. And if he’s smiling that big, I guess they really must be better than the ones I had.

Of course, I’m no stranger to marketing, and I’m not going to be suckered in by some handsome cartoon smiley dude just because he looks like me. I had to give this thing a hands-on test drive if you catch my drift. (And if you don’t, that’s a masturbation joke.) There are a couple of very visible links to upgrade to the DeepNude Premium plan, but fortunately, there’s some room to play outside before buying the whole ticket.

Free users can run up to five images through the DeepNude deepfake porn machine. Hell, I bet half of you read that sentence and immediately clicked through to try it yourself. I bet a lot of you even have the exact images in mind, while others will certainly have to dig through their massive fap stashes to find just the right chicks to strip naked digitally. Still, others will click immediately over to Facebook or Instagram to grab a couple of stills of that chick who never talked to you back in high school.

Some of you choosey beggars might think it sucks that you only get five from Deep Nude, and hey, I feel your pain. The thing is, the other cats out there charging to make deepfakes aren’t giving out any freebies at all. They’ve automated the process here, which has both good and bad implications. The good is that, since it’s being done without any human interference, you can make instant deepfakes without having to wait for your tech-oriented freelancer to finish the job for you. The bad is that since there isn’t a human on the other end doing quality control and massaging the images by hand, you could potentially end up with some wonky results. But there’s only one way to find out for sure, right?

Strip Your Favorite Celebs… Virtually!

I won’t lie; I’ve stroked out a few to deepfake AOC, who tends to be a regular feature on any site offering up fake nudes these days. Every time I visit those sites, though, I look around to see if anyone has made any of AOC’s arch-nemesis on the other aisle, Lauren Boebert. I think she’s the cute kind of crazy, so I always think it’s weird that I don’t find them. I mean, shit, even dudely chicks like Rachel Maddow make the cut regularly, so where’s Lauren?

Naturally, she was one of the first chicks I thought of when I saw the DeepNude.to spectrum. Now, as a professional Porn Dude, I’ve been privileged enough to try out similar apps in the past. One of the things I remember is that front shots work best, so I tried to find the best one I could. I found one of the skinny congresswomen smiling while talking to some reporters, gun strapped to her thigh.

As soon as I uploaded the pic, it asked me to center a box on the person. A message also appeared telling me to use bikini photos, which would have been nice to know going in. I clicked the Geep Deep Nude button anyway, and after a minute or so of processing, I had my result. She’s got boobs now, but her whole body looks like a blurry mermaid.

Next, I tried a bikini shot of thick-ass model Iskra Lawrence. The result was way fucking better. Her boobs are a little lopsided and deformed, but her hairy muff looks surprisingly realistic. I guess I’ll just have to put a Post-it note over the alien titties while I rub one out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a quick break from writing this review. I’ll be back in like four minutes.

Passable Deepfakes at the Press of a Button

I ran a few more pics through the Deep Nude machine, including a bikini shot of Ariel Winter that came out the best of the bunch. There are some digital artifacts, so I really don’t think it’s going to fool anybody into thinking it’s real, but it’s definitely fapworthy. The deepfakes aren’t perfect, but they aren’t half bad. The biggest problem is that it’s watermarked all to hell with FAKE stamps all over the fucking place. There’s even one over her face and the top half of her chest, obscuring some of the best parts of the pic.

If you want watermark-free DeepNudes, you’ve got a couple of options. There’s an Influencer plan that will earn you free images if you can get new users to sign up for the site. You get five images for every user you bring in, which isn’t bad. If you don’t know anybody who jerks off, I’m sorry you have no friends; you can always pay for access to the deepfake tools.

A regular unlimited membership will currently run you twenty bucks a month, down from fifty. There’s also a one-week plan for a tenner if you just want to run your whole stash through the filters at once and be done with it. The site accepts bitcoin, and payments are fully anonymous, so you don’t have to worry about the wifey wondering who used the credit card on a deepfake porn-making site. The only downside to their payment setup is that they only accept BTC, and there’s still a learning curve that might keep the older folks and technological retards from enjoying the fun.

I’m not going to get into the potential moral implications of creating deepfakes since you can find people arguing about that stuff pretty much every else. Plus, I’m a professional masturbator, so it’d frankly be fucking weird as hell to ask for my opinions on ethics as if I’m some kind of philosopher. Instead, my biggest complaint about Deep Nude is that it only really works with a small range of photos. If she isn’t in a bikini and standing towards the camera, it’s going to look like absolute garbage.

There’s some trial and error involved, sure, but the DeepNude.to deepfake machine is a lot of fun to play with. You get five freebies, so there’s no reason not to fuck around with it a little if you’ve ever been even remotely curious about deepfake technology. What have you got to lose?