Bad Dragon

Oh, you already know what it is, it’s Bad Dragon, and I’m about to pop off. These things have been taking over the market like it’s nobody’s business, and I am not surprised. Bad Dragon, as a company, has changed the shape of the ideal male penis. That’s how fucking influential they’ve become. It is now out of style to have a regularly shaped penis. You have to sport a dragon cock, or else you don’t get the pussy. I have a gigantic penis, so naturally, none of the women I’ve ever fucked have had a problem with what I’ve had to offer, but for the rest of you out there, hey, I’ll pour a bit of my drink on the floor for you. I’ll say a prayer. If a bitch has had a Bad Dragon dildo inside of her snatch, then fucking her will feel like tossing a hotdog down a barrel.

Let’s pretend for a second that you have no idea who or what Bad Dragon is and start from the top. This is a dildo production and marketing company that specializes in fucked up penis shapes that don’t resemble anything found in nature. They are not anatomically correct in any way, shape, or form, and I mean that quite literally. Their molds and forms are fantastical in nature. These dildos are supposed to represent what an actual dragon’s cock might look like if it were real. By the way, while we’re on the topic of cock shapes, go into a search engine, switch over to images and look up “duck penis.” I swear, it will scar you for life.

Camwhores Love Bad Dragons

Back to Bad Dragon, this is a fantastic company that’s been taking the live cam world over by storm. They’ve been around for many years now, and they will not be dialing down their successes any time soon. They just keep coming up with new ideas and refreshing their stocks. It’s insane. So, what’s the catch? What’s the deal with these dildos? What makes them so much better than other dildos?

It’s all in the marketing, baby. Bad Dragon dildos aren’t that much better than dildos you can get from standard sex shops. The average dildo is either cock-shaped or perfectly smooth. Some of them are ribbed for her pleasure. I wish my cock were ribbed for her pleasure, but hey, I can’t complain. I got off easy. Anyways, these dildos come in all kinds of weird shapes and sizes that don’t really make a lot of sense, but they can all be fitted comfortably inside a vagina. The tips of these dildos are relatively small, and then they sort of bulb outwards to stretch the vagina as far as it will go.

Insert Anally or Vaginally

As far as I’ve seen, you’re supposed to sit on these things and progressively increase the pressure, taking the dildo as far in as it will go. Keep in mind that you don’t have to fit the whole thing inside yourself. Half of these dildos won’t even fit the average person’s vagina or anus. In fact, trying to force one of these all the way up your anus is sure to result in injury. And just to be clear, I’m not saying that Bad Dragon makes products that could lead to injury; I’m saying that they make huge dildos, and you shouldn’t shove big dildos forcefully into your rectum; no matter where you got them.

Naturally, this store is very popular with the kinds of whores who’ve had so much sex using their rectums and vaginas that nothing short of a dragon cock will do the job. These are women out there who have had so much penetration that the average penis couldn’t even wake them up from a light nap if it were to find its way down there. These women need something bigger and badder than a regular dildo. They need a Bad Dragon up their snatches to satisfy their insane cravings for gigantic cock.

Everything you’ve read so far pertains to Bad Dragon as it existed when they launched and cornered the market. As of right now, they’ve got several other types of toys that you might enjoy all the more, even if you’re not in the market for a dildo. That’s right, they’ve also got masturbators. These fuckable toys follow the same design pattern as the dildos. They’re supposed to look like dragon vaginas and assholes.

Some of them have anatomical details on top to simulate specific experiences. For example, you can shove your cock down the throat of a dragon if you’d like - they’ve got actual masturbators shaped as dragon heads. This shit is blowing my mind, I swear to God. Who the hell even thought of these designs? Someone must have been high when they designed these sex toys, but I’m not complaining or casting any shade here. These babies are selling like hotcakes.

For The Dudes

Now, let’s split the difference. Let’s say that you don’t want to fuck yourself with a dragon dildo, but you also don’t want to stick your cock inside a toy. Let’s say that you want to unleash the bad dragon inside you, specifically, with a woman. You can do that. They’ve got a ton of wearable penis enlargers that slip on top of your cock and give you triple the girth, so you can absolutely decimate any vagina that you come into contact with. If your wife, girlfriend, or generic whore is complaining about the size and shape of your cock, slip on a Bad Dragon and take her to town. She’ll certainly be having trouble walking after you penetrate her with one of these bad boys.

There are a lot of different toys to choose from, and no two are alike. I like how they all have unique first names to help distinguish them. So you’ve got entries like Rowan, Snowball, Gala, and the like. Some of the masturbators are shaped like genitals; others are heads. The wearables come in hollow variants and tipped variants, depending on whether you’d like your cock to stick out the other end or not.

I think the ones that have a hole going through the entire length of the toy are the best. That way, you can blow your load inside your bitch without having to remove the enlarger from your cock. Just make sure she’s on the pill or get yourself snipped. Trust me; you don’t want to accidentally impregnate a bitch just to have her come back and slap you with child support payments. I’ve never had that problem, and I hope it doesn’t happen to you either.

Some Other Toys and Accessories

Further down the shop, you can also see a few vibes that are smaller in size. These are perfect gifts for your loved ones, especially around the holidays. The designs are relatively festive. They’re shaped like tongues, or they’re dragon cocks. We’re very much stuck in a theme here. Everything on this entire site looks like it came out of the Witcher universe. No joke.

You’ll also find a large enough selection of squirters. They’re a hilarious invention. Basically, you’ve got a dragon dildo that you’re supposed to insert into yourself. There’s a tube sticking out of the base. The tube is long and attaches to a sort of douche that you can squeeze to insert simulated jizz into your asshole or pussy. Then again, it doesn’t have to be simulated, and it doesn’t even have to be jizz. In theory, you could use these squirters to insert mashed potatoes inside a turkey. They’ll fit whatever liquid or mushy substance you cram into them.

Finally, we’ve got the accessories, and here there isn’t much to talk about. There are utensils for the maintenance of Bad Dragon products, as well as a selection of fine premium condoms that you can nab for yourself. I would suggest ordering these in bulk, but to be honest, I don’t have a preference for types of condoms. It’s just nice to see that Bad Dragon cares about safe sex. You can also buy replacement cum tube syringes if you want to stock up for the winter. Also, make sure to check out the condom variety pack. It’s like a goodie bag. I think it would make for a great gift if you’ve got a buddy who needs to get laid. Alternatively, you could buy your friends’ dragon dildos so they can go fuck themselves.