The Ultimate Strip Club List! Do you have some dollars to spend? Then sit tight. By the end of this, you should know how to put those extra bucks into good use. Thing is, many guys I know love spending a little money at strip clubs and those who say they don’t are fucking faggots. Well, no problem with that, but who in their right mind would mind having a fucking hot lass with nothing but a bikini perform a lap dance on you? Anyway, do you crazily need to add a bit of spice in your life? Well, guess who is not going to leave you high and dry? That’s me motherfucker, who else? I’m about to introduce you to a site that is supposed to be used as a method to rank and leave reviews of strip clubs across the world with a view of helping you find somewhere to see some naked women when your wife is on her periods or whatever. Sounds awesome, right? Welcome to my review of Tuscl.net.
But Porn Dude, what happens at strip clubs?
Well, I’m surprised you have no clue. Have you been living under some fucking rock or something? What kind of boring-ass lives are y’all leading though? Anyway, today I’m in a good mood, so I’ll explain what goes down in strip clubs to you like you are all a bunch of toddlers.
Thing is, what happens in these adult clubs depends on the locations, state/local laws, theme of the club, and how lenient the people working there are. Some strip clubs are just but glorified brothels, while others are more like regular bars but full of bikini-clad dancers. Most fall somewhere in between, but there are those that lean more on the brothel side of things, which is even better if you are looking to get laid while at it.
Where I’m from, most strip clubs require men to pay cover charges or drink minimums and once inside, you are going to see almost naked women (some attractive, some not so) dancing provocatively on poles before prowling the floor for customers willing to buy them drinks and for ‘private dances’ which might set you back some $20 depending on the girl. Now for y’all slow motherfuckers, a private dance involves the girl stripping down to a thong and pasties, rubbing her ass on your crotch, occasionally smashing her boobs on your poker face, and practically dry humping you through a song. Depending on how strict the club is (most are) or how suave you are, some of the girls are willing to provide more explicit sexual services in the club, or they may offer you a date outside the club.
Sounds like a fucking plan, right? Trust me, it is. I’ve had my fair share of strippers in my bed, and I can assure you those girls are the fucking bomb. Let’s see how effective Tuscl.net are at helping you enjoy the above-described experience.
Awful design for starters
The site claims to be ‘the ultimate strip club list.’ Whether that is just unfounded, braggadocio is what we are about to find out. However, they had a chance to make a first impression, and they failed miserably. I know it’s a strip club listing site and all, but the homepage is just too fucking plain it's clear the team gave everyone demanding a more attractive side a fat middle finger. At least they could have made an effort for fuck’s sake.
The entire homepage is plain white with a header menu with links for home, local clubs, strip club list, daily reviews, dancer directory, discussion group, and articles, among others. At least someone had the presence of mind to include an FAQ and About tabs because the homepage doesn’t give anything away. The rest of the page has the same options on the header menu, only listed vertically this time at the end of which is a search feature. These fucks couldn’t even include a picture of a hot girl in a thong or at least something aesthetically pleasing. Awful fucking job.
It’s NOT free
Well, joining Tuscl.net is supposedly free, but nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, you will need to pay to have full access to the site by grabbing a VIP premium membership. Granted, it’s not that pricey; $6.95 a month, $34.95 for six months, or $49.95 for a year. However, what do you get for that? That’s the only way you will be able to access the most important part of the site; the reviews and comments. This is how you know which strip club is shortchanging its users or providing mediocre services. However, you receive a free 4-week Premium VIP membership for every review or article you have published.
Whether you are willing to spend that kind of money to read reviews and get strip club links is a decision you’ll have to make. While I hate to say it, that won’t be money wisely spent if you ask me. A word of caution, though; the site is low key pushing escort sites and other illegal sites internationally, and giving out your details may put you on the wrong side of a police operation should the site be seized by authorities. They will have your details, remember? Proceed with caution especially if you are in the USA and don’t want a stinking load of legal trouble.
The Strip Club Listings
If you are planning on using Tuscl.net to find a strip club, you will be pleased to find they have listings for strip clubs all over the world. Click on Strip Club List and see a list that covers North America, Europe, South America, Asia, Caribbean, Oceania, Africa, and the Middle East. Simply click on your location or a location you are planning to visit and see the places that have some erotic fun in store for you. I clicked on Brazil, which arguably has the hottest sluts in the world, and was pleased to find plenty of club in Sao Paolo, Rio de Janeiro, Porto Alegre, and other major cities in the country.
However, the Local Strip Guide option is not working. Clicking on the link directs you to the main strip club list. I also tried the Dancer Directory, and the result was ‘Nothing found within 1000 miles’. You guys fucking kidding me?
Possible fake reviews
The reviews on Tuscl.net are supposed to be exclusive and from members. They are also supposed to be screened and moderated by site admins before they are approved. However, there is no way of verifying the authenticity of the reviews, which could be fake for all I know. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t write off some of the strip clubs hiring people to write positive reviews for them. How do you know that? Common sense, dude.
Some of the reviews are mediocre at best, while others look like they were written by the strip club employees. Also, some of the clubs are actually battling each other in the reviews which is both ridiculous and juvenile and is another indication that the reviews may be fake. Some might call me a fucking asshole for calling out such mediocrity, but I’m The Porn Dude, and I just don’t sugarcoat shit.
Things to love about Tuscl
Worldwide strip club guide; if you are looking for a site to help you find out the hottest strip clubs from your location, Tuscl.net looks like a site that will help you achieve that with listings all over the world.
User reviews; users can read reviews from other members, which have to be approved by 3 unique VIP members to be approved.
Erotic articles; there is an opportunity to read well-written articles about other user experiences in strip clubs and other naughty stuff.
Things to hate about Tuscl
Not free; users are required to upgrade to VIP premium membership to have full access to the sites including the reviews.
Mediocre design; the site features a really awful design that looks bland, plain, and boring.
Potentially fake reviews; anyone with the semblance of a working brain will tell there is every possibility of fake reviews, especially when some appear to battle other strip clubs listed on the site.
The bottom line
All things considered, Tuscl.net has too many unknowns for comfort. While there is a great list of strip clubs from all over the world, the fact that users have to pay to access what are shady escort sites that might land you in trouble and potentially fake reviews means you should exercise caution if you have to use the site. After all, the site claims that “Everything written on this site should be considered a work of fiction.” How can they then claim the reviews are legit?
Yawning and moving right along.