TopEscortBabes! I know I spend a lot of time on here encouraging you guys to jerk off to the greatest porno on the Internet, but sometimes it’s just good to get a little bit of social interaction so your neckbeard doesn’t grow too long. If you’ve got solid game, maybe all you’ve got to do is get out there with your ripped abs and swollen pecs, but even if you’re ugly as hell there are options besides roofies. Top Escort Babes, for example, has been helping hard-up dudes get a little action since 2013.
TopEscortBabes.com is worldwide, so you can use it to find yourself some paid snatch whether you’re in New York, the Netherlands, or even places like Pakistan and Bhutan. It ain’t super hard for a website to stretch itself across the whole world via the magic of the Internet, but this website has the traffic numbers to prove people are actually getting laid here. With a couple of million visits per month and more than 30,000 advertisers, you can be assured there’s a fine selection of poon for sale.
Get Laid Anywhere in the World
This is clearly a globetrotting sex site even from the landing page, which asks you to select a country or a city from a couple of huge lists, as well as a language that you’d like to peruse your sluts in. While there are a shit ton of locations, they’ve only got a few languages currently: English, Hungarian and French. Spanish, Italian and German are coming soon, but you can always use your browser’s built-in translation feature if your language isn’t on the list. Don’t ever let anything stand between you and high-class prostitutes!
You can also select your location from a big world map. When you hover over a country, it will tell you how many hookers you’ll find in their listings. Right now, TopEscortBabes lists about 400 whores in Canada, more than 700 in Russia, and a couple thousand in France. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
I’ve been on a bit of a USA fuck tour lately, and I noticed Los Angeles is listed as one of the site’s top cities. I clicked my way to the city and holy fucking shit, I’m definitely getting laid tonight. There are close to 200 profiles and a dozen agencies, with over a thousand photos and a nice handful of videos.
One of the things I noticed immediately about Top Escort Babes is that the beautiful women are, for the most part, showing their faces as well as their bodies in their profile pictures. You get a lot escort sites where the girls have blurred out their mugs, which comes with the territory when you’re in this gray legal area. This may be a little riskier for the girls, but I appreciate getting a look at the lips that will be wrapped around my cock later, especially if I’m shelling out a wad of Benjamins for the privilege.
Find All the Sluts in Your Area
The escort listings by city are displayed thumbnail style, just like on any other escort site. I like that the images are relatively large and crisp, so you don’t have to click through to figure out if the babe is hot or not. Little badges on the thumbnails tell you how many more photos are included with the profile, whether they’ve got videos, and occasionally some other information.
I was scrolling through these Los Angeles hookers when I noticed one with a PORN STAR badge on her photo. You can even filter your search results down to just the professional video whores, which you’ll have to admit is a few steps up from the toothless crack whore who sucked your dick behind 7-11 last week.
Hovering over an escort thumbnail gives you a little blurb about the girl and even lists a price! Naturally, the girls who star in high-budget gangbang films cost a lot more to hump than your run-of-the-mill cum-dumpster. LA has a lot of girls selling their services starting at around four bills a throw, but how far your money goes will depend a lot on your location and what you’re after.
I noticed another escort with a less enticing badge: Suspicious Profile. If you’re new to the world of hooker listing sites, you might be wondering why the fuck they don’t just delete suspicious profiles. Like it or not, the world’s oldest profession has always been a ripe breeding ground for scams, and most sites just leave you to fend for yourself. TopEscortBabes is giving you fuckers a heads up because they know you won’t come back if you always end up with blue balls and an empty wallet. The Suspicious Profile badge sticks around until photo verification, which is just another way the site is looking after you.
If you scroll down your city listings far enough, you’ll start seeing girls with a badge that says “Last seen more than six months”. I’m kind of bummed I might not be able to smash this thick Latina I found, but I’m glad the side lets me know the listing is a bit stale. On the other hand, this chick’s mobile number is listed, so I might give her a call anyway. I also added her to my Favorites, letting me keep an eye on her every time I visit the site.
Window Shopping the Red Light District
TopEscortBabes doesn’t make you sign up or login to access contact information, which means no paper trail, which means your wife doesn’t have to know you’ve been spending your son’s college fund on blowjobs from Asian shemale escorts or paying a BBW dominatrix to step on your nuts. If you don’t want to call, text or use WhatsApp, you can even message a babe directly from her profile.
Each profile lists basic details like age, eye color and sexual orientation, as well as the hours they’re available to meet up with you. Some girls do incalls, others outcalls, but most do both. You can also find out if they’re willing to meet with women or couples, so maybe you can bring that kinky little broad you’ve been seeing on the side.
One thing I didn’t like is that you don’t get an explicit list of available services like you do on some hooker websites. It’s kind of on you to work that out before you hop in your Uber. This sucks, but the trade-off is easy to see; more explicit listings are a little sketchier, legally speaking, so you’d get to see fewer pretty faces before ponying up your cash.
Just like when you buy shit on Amazon, it’s better to buy an NSA hookup with a bunch of good reviews. TopEscortBabes will actually let you filter your selection down to only the escorts who have been reviewed by other Johns, making it easier to pick a winner. The reviews are listed toward the top of each, though I really wish more of the chicks here have been written up by other users.
Searching Through the Aisles of Whores
The only real issue I found with TopEscortBabes was the lackluster search features. Once you’ve got your city nailed down, you can click the gear icon for a handful of filters. Narrow them down to verified girls, ones who list their prices or are currently on tour.
The half-dozen available filters are useful, don’t get me wrong, but they fall short in a number of areas that I like to see on a good escort site. In fact, the filters are all directly related to the listings themselves and not really the girls. There’s no way to limit your selection to only blonde babes, young babes, or skinny babes. I like to check off a bunch of boxes telling a website what I’m looking for in an escort in terms of her body and kinkiness, but that’s currently not available at TopEscortBabes.
The good news is that they’re currently working on adding more filters. Apparently, there are more than 20 new ones coming down the pipeline, so I can’t wait to see how much they improve the site. They may be getting close to perfect if they can work this out.
TopEscortBabes.com has a sleek and professional design that really speaks to the quality of the site. I browsed it on my laptop, but I also took a look on my phone and the mobile version is one of the best I’ve seen in this category. You can tell they spent a lot of money making the site look pretty, and at least as much money making it work really well.
Well, my Uber will be here in a few minutes. I’ve got a date with this sexy young brunette I found on the site just a few minutes ago. TopEscortBabes makes it easy as hell to find an escort any time of day in your area. It doesn’t cost a cent to browse and doesn’t make you sign up, so you haven’t got anything to lose by taking a look. Just make sure you have a few extra bucks to spend, because there are a fucking ton of listings, and some of them are guaranteed to get you itching for a quick and easy bang.