EscortIreland! Looking for Iris escorts from Cork, Dublin, Limerick, Galway,... at Escort-Ireland? Are there any sexier women in the world than Irish women? Maybe not. I mean, sure, Latinas are up there, too. As are Japanese girls. Okay, let’s be honest, every nationality has beautiful women, it’s true, and no one is better than the other. They all just have different flavors. Both literally and figuratively, if you know what I mean. And if you don’t know what I mean, do the whole world a favor and start eating more pussy, please.
But it is definitely true that Irish girls have a particularly sexy flavor to them. The creamy, pale skin (that I want to make even creamier), the red hair (if we’re going with the stereotype), the matriarchal power and demeanor so many of them have about them. They are just plain sexy, there’s no denying it. Plus, maybe you’ve heard this too, but apparently, gingers have the juiciest pussies in the world. I don’t know, I’m yet to fuck a ginger, believe it or not! Definitely on my fuck-it list, though. Shit, maybe I’ll have to take a trip to Ireland one of these days just to have an Irish ginger fuck fest. Does anyone want to let me crash on their couch while I’m there? We can get a few pints and bang a few pint-sized lasses. Sound like fun? Let’s go!
I probably don’t even need to tell you that I love porn just as much as the next guy. Because, well, duh, I write porn reviews for a living … obviously, I love me a good porno! But, let’s be honest, porn does get old. It’s true. And anyone who denies that is either a virgin, a porn addict, or has just completely given up on life. Not that those things are mutually exclusive, not by any means. Actually, it seems to make sense that one would lead to the other. Being a 40-year-old virgin, for example, could lead you to become a porn addict, which, over the course of a few years, could lead you to completely give up on life.
Don’t Worry, I will Get You Laid
Well, I wouldn’t load the revolver or swallow a whole bottle of opiates quite yet. Hold off on that a little while, why don’t ya? At least until the end of this review. Because I might just have the answer to your woes. A little elixir to what ales you. I have some very good news, my friend. You do not need to kill yourself because, against all odds, I am going to help you get laid today.
That’s right. You heard me. You getting laid. It’s about time, mate! Even if you aren’t on the brink of throwing yourself over the side of a skyscraper, when is the last time you got some pussy? And, no, by “pussy,” I don’t mean put on a pair of virtual reality goggles and fucked yourself with a Fleshlight. I mean some real-life, 100% natural, organic female pussy! Was it a month ago? Two? Oh, come on … don’t tell me it was more than two months ago … Six? More than that?? Oh, hell no, you’re fucking crazy. Maybe you are beyond saving after all. Two months is my personal limit. I cannot go any longer than that. And even that’s pushing it. If you’re at three, for, six months, then, shit, it’s worse than I anticipated. Well, now I definitely need to get you laid. That’s just sad, bro.
I should warn you, though, the pussy is going to cost you. Hey, ain’t no such thing as free pussy. Anyone who tells you any different is a lying son of a bitch. Or just in denial. We all pay for pussy in one way or another. Take a girl out on a date? How much is that gonna run you? $100? $200 if she’s a classy broad? Well, that’s pretty much what you can expect to pay for an escort, too, the only difference is that you don’t have to sit through an awkward or boring ass dinner while she talks to you about why she likes corgis way more than shih tzus. You can skip all the bullshit and cut straight to the front of the line to pussy town! Sign me up. I’d fucking live there if I could.
And with a site like Escort Ireland available, how the fuck could you say no? Don’t worry, either, if you’re not a fan of gingers. There are plenty of sexy blonde bimbos, brunettes, ravens, Asians, Latinas, and beautiful black goddesses available on this site as well. And they are all within a reasonable distance of you. Well, if you’re in Ireland, that is. Prepare to have your mind blown by some of the sexiest professional fuckers in the known galaxy. Well, at least the home page looks promising, with a fuck ton of pics of gorgeous naked chicks plastered everywhere you look.
Amazing, Professional Site Design
From the moment you arrive at Escort Ireland’s home page, you should be able to tell immediately that this is a professional affair. The first thing you’ll have to do is confirm that you are 18 in order to enter the site. Well, “confirm” is being used loosely here. Just click “enter” and you’re good to go. Glad to know that that’s definitely keeping kids out!
Once you’re in, the page reveals itself and, damn, it actually looks pretty fucking good. At the very top of the page, you’ll find the Escort Ireland logo, which looks very professional – a sleek, minimalist circular thing that almost resembles a crest or something you’d see on a bottle of beer. The theme of the site is colored after the Irish flag, with a nice blend of whites, greens, and a little pop of orange here and there.
Underneath the logo, you’ll find the site menu bar. From here, you can choose between Escorts, Massage, Domination, Reviews, Community, and Blog. Below that, you’ll find an intuitive and easy to use search engine where you can either type in keywords if you’re looking for something very specific. You can also choose to activate geolocation, allowing the site to show you all the girls in your immediate area. Or, if you prefer, just find your city in the list and click on it.
Crazy Search Feature
There are also filters and an Advanced Search which allow you to browse girls by work type (Escort, Massage, Domination), name, nationality, Available Now, Verified Photos, Arriving Today, Allows Reviews, In Call, Out Call, Rates (Low, Average, High, Elite), and Age (and whether or not her age has been verified). You can also search girls that are willing to travel, whether or not they’re into anal, smoker/nonsmoker, if they have available showers, are disabled friendly, and whether or not they supply drinks. But, holy shit, the advanced search just keeps getting better the more I look, because you can also search by ethnicity, languages spoken, sexual orientation, hair color, eye color, and a long list of specific appearance preferences.
Jesus fucking Christ. That may be the most advanced search I’ve ever seen on a site like this. Escort Ireland has literally thought of everything, allowing you to finally find your perfect little cum slut. Shit, man, it tired me out just typing out every single feature that this site offers on the search function alone! I love that you can search by price range, too; that is a feature that just makes too much sense but is fairly uncommon among escort ad sites.
This Site Has it All
Once you get past the quick search section on the home page (you have to click to access advanced), you’ll be greeted by a sprawling gallery of thumbnails of the girls who are available all across the country. Click on whichever chick tickles your fancy and check into her details. Most of the girls have plenty of pics for you to browse before deciding on whether or not you want to follow up. Some girls even include videos, which is definitely a nice touch. You’ll find the areas she services, her number, email, a button to PM her on the site, an option to favorite her, and an option to shortlist her. Plus, of course, you’ll be able to see her rates, stats, communication info (languages, responsiveness, etc.), info about her facilities, and favorite sexual activities.
I must say, I love the fact that Escort Ireland offers a direct messaging feature, since that seems like it would make the process so much easier. And, believe it or not, a lot of escort ad sites do not offer this! I don’t know why, it’s just common sense. But Escort Ireland has thought of everything. You can also read a girl’s “diary” (like a blog) and check out reviews from her patrons (if she’s enabled that function).
All in all, this is one of the best escort sites I have ever been on. I don’t have many complaints. Shit, this makes me want to move to Ireland and fuck all the beautiful lasses I can afford!