Humpchies

Looking for Canadian escorts from Quebec or Montreal? Well, you’ve been watching porn now for, how long would you say, 10 years? 15? 20? More than 20? However long it has been for you, I think it’s probably fair to say that you’re ready for the big leagues now. You’ve studied probably hundreds of hours of pornographic material at this point … isn’t it about time that you put all of that knowledge and horniness to use? There are plenty of sites out there that can definitely help you out in this regard. Although they are not porn sites, per se.

That’s right, I’m talking about escort ad sites. Aren’t you sick of the same old, same old shit of sitting alone in front of your computer, taking your time to find the perfect video (or, who am I kidding, it’s more likely 5 to 10 videos), and then jerking off for 10 to 20 minutes before you inevitably cum into a sock, a tissue, some toilet paper, or just all over your hand (whatever your preferred method of cleanup is)? The latter one is by far the most savage of all the options, but, hey, I’m not here to judge. Just make sure you wash your hands before you go out into the real world of handshakes and pats on the back.

My point is this: aren’t you fucking sick of this routine yet? Day in, day out, just fapping solo, no sign of real pussy on the horizon? Besides, as I mentioned before, you’ve got to pretty much be an expert by now, right? You know all the tricks, all the moves, all the angles, and all the positions to be an absolute fucking machine! Or at least you better know them. Otherwise, what has all of this porn-watching prepared you for? Was it really all just mindless, wasted sperm?

And for those of you wondering how the fuck watching porn could ever be productive, it’s simple! You just pay attention to how they’re fucking in the videos and stow it away in your brain for later. But if that time to shine never comes, then it was all for naught! And how tragic would that be? Well, about as tragic as the tightest virgin pussy on the sexiest woman in the world gone forever un-fucked. So much wasted potential.

When’s the last time you got laid, anyway? A few months ago? A year ago? If it’s more than a year, well, my friend, it’s a very good thing that you’re reading this review. Because you’re like one bad case of blue balls away from being a school shooter. Or one of those piece of shit Incel motherfuckers who want to murder women because they can’t get laid.

Consider this possibility: you go to a website, browse through hundreds of sexy chicks in your city who are down to fuck, pick out your absolute favorite, send her a text or give her a phone call, and, boom, just like that, within an hour (two tops), you’re balls deep in some professional pussy. And you get to once again try out all of those sex moves you’ve been diligently studying for the last couple decades or so.

If you’re anxious about paying for sex, don’t be. Everyone pays for sex. In one way or another. Get over it. If it’s not a direct fee that an escort charges, you’ll pay in drinks, dinners, Broadway musicals, time, what have you. Consider ordering yourself a fine ass escort as a way to cut out the middleman (or middlewoman, as the case will be), and just getting straight to the point … you need pussy, and a sexy ass professional will come to your door to give it to you. Nothing more. Don’t overthink this, chump.

Professional, Fun Professional Fun

If you live in Quebec, there may not be a better option when it comes to escort ad sites than a site called Humpchies. I mean, just get a load of that name. How fun is that? Humpchies (often misspelled as "humchies"). It’s fucking silly. I dig it, though, because I feel like a lot of escort sites tend to take themselves way too seriously, acting like they’re selling fucking luxury homes or some shit. Nah, man, you’re just peddling pussy. You’re basically just a digital pimp … get over yourself. At the end of the day, this shit should be fun, should it not?

However, that is not to say that you want just any sort of cheap-ass incompetent website when it comes time to pay for some time to cum. And Humpchies has you covered there as well. From the moment you land on Humpchies’ home page, the site should instill enough confidence. They have a professional-looking (yet fun) logo [it’s a highly stylized rendering of a lowercase letter “h,” with two heads added to the top of the first line and diagonally above the arch, making it look like two stick figures fucking doggystyle. Clever, fun, and professional, all at once. Who said it had to be one or the other?

To the right of the Humpchies logo (which also functions as a home button), you’ll find a few basic tabs to help you navigate the site. A very sparse site menu bar. Choose between Escorts, Escort Agencies, Erotic Massages, and Parlors Massage. Simple enough, right? Everything you could ever look for in terms of an in-person erotic experience, all in one convenient location.

Plenty of Sexy Escorts to Choose From

Below that, the ads begin immediately. No bullshit. Browse through tons of the sexiest professionals that Quebec has to offer … page after page after page of them. To the right of the posts themselves, you’ll find a lengthy list of cities, allowing you to easily filter by location. The whole thing is very intuitive and makes a lot of sense from a design perspective.

As far as how much information Humpchies offers on the girls is concerned … well, it’s really on a post by post basis. Whatever the girl (or the agency) posts is kind of what you get. Some of them post prices; others do not. Some have a fair number of pics; others only have one. All, at least, seem to include contact info, allowing you to inquire yourself if you are interested. But who wants to go through all that trouble? I understand that Humpchies can only do so much about what each individual will post (how much info, how many pics, etc.).

But, still, it makes you think that they have to be able to do something. Because there are too many posts, from what I can tell, in which girls only provide a single picture. Or do not list prices. Why not just make it a requirement, Humpchies, for girls to have to include at least, say, three pics and list prices? It seems like it would be pretty easy to just make that a required box to be filled out (along with the required number of pics); otherwise, oh well, you don’t get to post!

That being said, there does seem to be a healthy number of real escorts on this site. Which, surprisingly, is an actual problem that a lot of escort ad sites have – spambot posts, undercover cops, catfishers, etc. Thankfully, though, from what I can gather, the majority of the girls on Humpchie appear to be legit. Moreover, most of them are also really fucking sexy. Almost makes me want to move to Quebec, shit, I didn’t know ya’ll had pussy like this up there! Fuck, I’m at least going to have to take a trip. Who’s got a couch I can crash on while I’m there? Fist round of escorts is on me!

All in all, Humpchies is a really decent escort ad site. Again, I really wish that there was some sort of protocol in place so that posts can’t be added that are incomplete or missing a lot of key information … especially since that only means more work for us, the person trying to find the right escort. This lack of info and pics could lead to enough wasted time in the end that it might just be easier to try and get some pussy the old-fashioned, free of charge way.

However, the site design is pretty good (in a functional sense … I can’t decide how I feel about it aesthetically speaking), there are a fuck ton of girls to choose from, a breadth of different services, and some really fucking sexy chicks to try out on this site. Have fun, Quebec. There’s a good chance I’ll be fucking my way up north soon after seeing the quality of your women! Especially now that I know you have a great escort ad site too.