Welcome to my review of Homestay Queen. It’s a free Ren’Py visual novel. A classic. This is my return to form. I haven’t reviewed one of these in a while. They always make me nostalgic. And in the era of AI pornography and OnlyFans babes, we’ve kind of lost sight of the beauty of Japanese VNs. This particular VN is probably not Japanese though. I don’t know the devs personally, even though they reached out for a review, but the writing screams American to me. It might actually be a bit too American, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
The game is simple, straightforward and still just a demo. In the Ren’py cinematic universe that’s code for: “It offers no gameplay”. None. Zilch. You start a new game and you watch shit happen. Or rather, you read shit happen, across a blurry generic background. Hardly an award-winning experience. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Porn games are all about the immersion. The illusion of choice with the even grander illusion of believing for a moment that you yourself could ever possibly find yourself drowning in pussy. It’s different from porn. Way different. The personal touch feels almost magical.
Simple Beginnings
Let’s run through the trope checklist real quick. Generic young male protagonist with no personality? Check. Virgin? Check. Gigantic boobas? Check. An older, more sexually experienced woman who is interested in you despite you having no qualities that any woman would find attractive? Aaand check. It’s the same bread and butter formula we’ve seen a thousand times and no one’s complained yet. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
In Homestay Queen you are travelling abroad, to Japan, for studies and the unspoken promise of hanky panky. You are staying with a woman named Otome. I inferred from context that she’s at least in her thirties. She has comically massive breasts, as is tradition. Her nipples are the size of…well…breasts. Her breasts are the size of people. You get the gist of it. There are screenshots at the top of this page. Be your own judge. I like her. She has a great personality. In her free time she enjoys masturbating with the door open and moaning so loudly that everyone can hear.
Pervy Aspirations
She faps, you overhear, you see her fucking herself with a penis like device that seems to be attached to her. I’ll admit I can be rather dense when I’m doing my job. Between the URL for the game being “futa.mom” and the whole… attached penis narrative, I didn’t catch on. Nope. I wonder if you did. I’ll leave you in pretend suspense for now. So she was masturbating, and moaning, and generally steaming up the place. You see her, you jizz your pants, you retreat to your shame.
The main character has the sense to feel guilty and perverted for having peeped on Otome, even though he didn’t intend to do so on purpose. It was an accident. Still. This young man is drowning in hormones and his living situation is anything but kosher. In between the at-home scenes with Otome, you actually go to school, but there’s nothing worth of mention there. It’s just a quick day cycle with some bland narration. Speaking of…
Do I Smell a Clanker?
Be warned, the following is just my opinion and I may or may not have AI on the brain. It’s the spirit of the times. I’ve recently been accused of using clanker technology to write some of my reviews and I will not stand for those accusations. The retarded shit that comes out of my brain, flows through my fingertips and penetrates into your eyeballs could only be put together by a proud, unbound pervert with a proper degree in pussy engineering. That being said, being accused of clanking around put me on high alert. Now I see AI everywhere.
Which brings me to my point, I smell AI in Homestay Queen. It’s the writing. The phrasing. The consistent breakdown of statement to comparison, statement to comparison, over and over again. No tone shifts, no randomness factor. Just the kind of exposition you get by rubbing a thesaurus against a dictionary. It’s all very formulaic. I’ve reviewed over a thousand porn games in my career, and most of them came out before the advent of clanker writers, so I definitely have some reference. If I smell a difference, there’s a difference. Now I can’t prove any of this, of course, and I don’t necessarily care. Ultimately, if the game is worth playing, it really doesn’t matter to me what was used to make it. Hell, the art could be AI for all I know. I wouldn’t care about that either. I’m just trying to be thorough.
Too Bland for Comfort
I understand that a first version game demo can’t exactly satiate the needs of my mortal flesh. It’s a proof of concept at best, and it exists to showcase an idea. I respect that. However, I am a fucking porn reviewer, with a minor in porn game critique. I gotta call a dud when I see it, and Homestay Queen feels a lot like a dud. First of all, 98% of the game is comprised of blurry backgrounds and generic text. All right, that could be forgivable if the action is worth my time.
The action was not in fact worth my time. First of all, no interactivity. Not even pretend prompts. I would have appreciated a dialogue tree or two. Just having the illusion of choice would have been more than enough to carry the whole demo. Three or four dialogue options. That’s all I’m asking for. Or maybe the option to choose whether or not to peek on Otome, or whether or not to jizz in my pants. These tiny options make or break your game and Homestay Queen is leaning towards broken.
The Big Reveal
Let’s rewind back to the whole “futa mom” thing. The big secret. The M. Night Shyamalan twist. It was a cock. Otome had a cock. She was a big ol’ futa the whole time. It went completely over my head, but I am a proud brainlet. I bet most of you guys knew this going in. Me, when I see tits, I zone out. I’m not making inferences. I’m planning out cumshots. With no real ramp up, after the whole jizz-in-pants scene, Otome sneaks her way into the bathroom while the main character is fully nude and actively telling her to stay out. She strips down, grabs him from behind and starts handling his cock.
Thankfully, he’s into it, but for God’s sakes, why not just have her ASK to come in. Then we could have had a dialogue option and given her consent in the process. Seriously. You’d think I’d welcome all forms of naked babes in my bathroom, at all times, but I still enjoy being asked. What if I was shitting on the toilet? I don’t want hot naked babes on my dick while I’m shitting. Fucking knock first, bitch. And yes, I shit naked sometimes, it’s the way nature intended.
The Futa Excitement
The devs behind Homestay Queen made the baffling decision to bait us into the futa reveal and then… never actually show the futa cock. We get to see the main character’s cock. Small, firm and uncut. Otome on the other hand, is shown behind the main character, with her giant tits enveloping the lucky guy in a sort of bearhug. And then, we get narrative. Written narrative. The main character … describes the giant futa cock. He says it’s the biggest cock he’s ever seen, including those that exist in porn.
Otome tells us that we are perverted, dirty even. She knows that we jizzed. She can tell we feel caught and guilty and by golly she’s going to punish us appropriately, inside and out. That’s right, inside and out. She makes a point of this. It’s not enough to clean the outside of flesh, she needs to go in and she needs to go deep. And that’s when the gigantic mega penis comes out to play. At this point the game just wraps up and we get booted back to the main menu. I get it, this is as far as the game could go in the first version, but for fuck’s sakes at least show us the futa cock.
That being said, I appreciate the twist ending and the whole impending cock hoist. I’m not personally into the idea of being dicked, I’m a giver not a taker. Even if my babes have giant cocks, I still bend em over. But that’s a personal preference. I can totally see the appeal in role playing as a virgin dude with a small cock, getting ass fucked by a giant breasted giant cocked futa mommy. I just wish the game took a few steps further towards fleshing out a more organic experience. Right now, Homestay Queen, as it is, stands a bit underwhelming. But hey, maybe the final full version will be way more promising. Who knows?
