Xbooru

Xbooru.com is a fucking mystery even to the kind of depraved motherfuckers who would associate with a guy like me. The site has been around for nearly a decade and has had 154,445,334 visitors so far, according to the counter on the front page. You’d never guess that looking from the outside, because it’s hard to tell exactly what the site is all about. Is it hentai, amateur pics, or something else?

Today, I’m going to try to straighten out the learning curve when it comes to Xbooru. If you’ve been trying to become one of their monthly 4 million views, but didn’t know what to start, read on.

Big Eyes, Big Tits, Big Tails

I went into Xbooru totally blind. The domain name doesn’t give any kind of clue what you’re in for, so I didn’t know if I was going to see a light lesbian romp or hardcore, unlubricated fist-fucks. As soon as the site came up, I knew I was in for something else entirely.

The landing page features an anime babe in a skimpy Christmas outfit along the side, but I think that may be a seasonal ad for Nutaku. The art style does match the chick in the middle of the screen, though. This slut is naked and laying on some pillows. Upon closer inspection, she has cat ears, a flowing horse-like tail, some fucked-up feet, and no tits.

You hentai fans are into some weird shit, you know that? Hey, I ain’t judging you. You wouldn’t believe what I stroked off to this morning on the toilet. I’m just saying, don’t tell your grandma you want to marry or fuck a beast girl with a pretty face but a hideously deformed body.

Besides the word Xbooru on the furry whore’s thigh, none of the text is stylized at all. It’s not like there’s much of it, anyway.

X Marks the Spot

Below the girl with the big eyes and the horse mane growing literally out of her fucking ass crack is what might be a site motto, but might be completely meaningless: X marks the spot. It’s not a link.

There’s a search bar, but I don’t know what to search for. Above it, links to Posts, Comments, Forum and My Account. I don’t have an account, so I’m down to 3 options. There’s some text that says they have nearly 700k posts, so maybe posts are Xbooru’s big deal. I click the link.

The whole site suddenly makes a lot more sense. This seems to be some kind of sex-themed imageboard. It might be utterly confusing to older wankers only used to free tubes, premium sites, and traditional forums. The younger deviates—I’m looking at you, /b/tards—will have no problem with this. Think of it like 4chan, but with a slightly different format and more focus on perversion.

Ass Posts, Teen Posts, Barefoot Posts

Get familiar with the Posts page of Xbooru, because this is the meat of the site. The Comments section just serves up comments from the Posts, and the Forum is surprisingly dead. The last post was 2 days ago, the one before that was a whole month earlier. Posts is where the action is.

(If you are looking for a live conversation with other freaks like you, check out Xbooru’s Discord. It’s called Rule34, which is the Internet rule that there are porn versions of all your favorite things. Nearly 20k members are signed up, and about 2.5k were online during my visit.)

If you’ve ever visited an imageboard or anything with “chan” in the domain, you know you’re in for a stripped-down experience. Xbooru’s layout is simple and almost ugly, but the grab-bag of dirty content will get you going in a hurry.

The Posts page has the Xbooru header, a sidebar full of category tags, a few hands, and a ton of pornographic images. I see row after row of giant titties, glistening cunts, and bitches grimacing from the sheer force of cock being thrust into them.

I assumed from the outside that this was a hentai site, but I’m not sure that’s how I’d describe Xbooru. I’d say half of the front page is anime bitches in different states of undress, which is way more hentai than a typical porn site, but there are plenty of photos. I see a few porn clips mixed in, but most of the collection is stills.

Clicking a thumbnail gets you a bigger image. The image pages don’t seem to have any info besides user comments. I was hoping to look at the dates to get a sense of how quickly the site is growing, but it’s just going to remain another of Xbooru’s enduring mysteries.

Whoever uploaded the most recent images gave me a good laugh. They’re fakes with celebrity faces superimposed on porno stills, and they’re very poorly done. You can always expect a wild range of variety on imageboards. Everybody gets to play, even if they can’t ball.

One Girl Against the Wall, feat. Anus, Areola

The tags in the left sidebar seem pretty random. I doubt it’s a list of Xbooru’s most popular categories, because they vary a lot in size. There are nearly 140k filed under the tag at the top, 1girl, but only 1316 for the next one, Against Wall.

I clicked through the tags and watched the thumbnails flip around. I go in order starting at the top: 1girl, Against Wall, Anus, Areola, Ass, and then Backboob. I keep seeing the same anime slut bent against a wall, ass in the air. A photo of a degraded slut, writing on her face and mouth spread by a dental instrument, squats in a bathroom stall in another. The same nudie images of Marge Simpson, Lois Griffin, and Kim Possible pop up over and over.

It turns out the tags in the sidebar are the most recent tags used. It’s an alright feature, I guess, but I do think it would be more useful to show the most popular tags. Post volume on Xbooru does seem high enough that there’s always going to plenty of new shit to beat off to. New tags right now include Cum Explosion, From Behind, Anal Penetration, and Break a Booty Back.

Let’s Break a Booty Back

You’re probably wondering the same goddamn thing I was wondering when I saw that tag. Break a Booty Back, huh? Yep, that’s the kind of weird shit we’ll have to investigate.

There are 15 pics tagged with Break a Booty Back. Most feature rabbit people fucking. In each one, the female animal person has a gargantuan ass that dwarfs the rest of their body, the dude is smashing from behind, and there are geysers of semen blasting all over the place.

Breaking a Booty Back is an incredibly specific kink that I’ve never heard of, but that’s honestly one of the things I like about hentai sites. Xbooru isn’t strictly a hentai site, but their Tags list has some absolutely bizarre erotic imagery.

It turns out that ridiculous animal booty in something called Hyper_butt, and there’s also something called Butt_Expansion if you want to ease into the hugeness. At least a thousand images are also filed under Breast_Expansion. Tentacle fucking is represented, of course, and Suggestive_fluid just demands a visit.

The tags let you hone in on almost trivial details of the photos and drawings. Nerd porn sites tend to be great about that kind of thing, and this one is no exception. If you want a photo or drawing of a bitch Looking_at_viewer, you’ve got 43k images to choose from. There’s a little overlap, but not as bad as on some sites. For example, there are 209 Public_sex pics, 2553 Public ones, and 6788 Outside images.

Xbooru’s layout is going to turn off a huge percentage of the porn-viewing population, but it will appeal strongly to pervs who like video games, anime, and science fiction. This is nerd porn, through and through, with plenty of hentai mixed in. It’s not really that complicated once you dive in, and free is a great price for access to their growing stash.