Pornky

Pornky.com has a name that rolls off the tongue in a funny way, like you’re trying to eat pussy after licking a battery. It conjures up images of a fat cartoon pig beating off to threesome movies, or a raunchier version of that 1981 comedy about 18+ teenagers trying to get laid. It’s actually yet another free porn tube.

Pornky’s been around for a while, but they caught my attention because their traffic has doubled in the last 6 months. This Internet game ain’t easy, but these fuckers are suddenly pulling in about 10 million visitors a month. As a scholar of the masturbatory arts, I simply have to know what’s getting my fellow freaks so excited.

Tell Your Wife How Much You Love Anal

I love how all the porn sites ask to show you notifications nowadays. Pornky does the same. The moment the page loads, before I even get a chance to interact with anything, I get a box asking if it’s alright if some dirty sex shit pops up randomly on my screen from time to time. I’m at the library, so I click yes, but you jerk-offs at home will probably want to do otherwise.

It seems in line with how a lot of sites have buttons to instantly share your interracial fistfuck movies with grandma on Facebook. They’re trying to out you as the perverted deviate you are, but they don’t realize everyone already knows. Pornky, to its credit, doesn’t have social media icons. They’ve got an old-timey email button, though.

I wonder if the lack of instant Twitter sharing is because Pornky is old. How old? Well, the domain has been around since 2002, back before sex tubes took over the Internet. I couldn’t find a copyright date on the site, so who knows how long they’ve been serving up smut. Nothing’s flashy about the layout, but it doesn’t feel overly outdated. Just a little bit.

A Stroll Through the Most Recent Fuck Flicks

The default view at Pornky is the Most Recent HD Porno first. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, but the girls in the first two thumbnails are in the exact same pose shot from the exact same angle. Each one has her legs spread wide, riding hard on a cock stuffed up her.

At a closer glance, it turns out the Chinese girl is taking it up the ass and the Ebony babe is getting it in the twat. Still, the images bear such a striking similarity that I have to screenshot it and send it to my mom.

There’s a good mix of everything here, but some patterns seem to emerge. I see a lot of Asian movies and a lot of MILFs. There’s a ton of rough stuff: a Japanese MILF attacked and fucked by her neighbor, an 18+ college girl punished, a bad masked guy and a poor innocent (18+)girl, and one clip promising ANAL TERROR!

And, of course, the usual porn standards. Do you want to see (18+)teens getting banged up the ass, supposedly for the first time? Take your pick, because a lot of butthole cherries are getting popped on Pornky today

There are slightly more Indian, Arab, and mysteriously labeled “exotic” broads out front than you usually see on a porn site. It may have something to do with the fact that this site is wildly fucking popular in India.

Hidden Family Secrets Exposed, Sort Of

I was going to write that like the rest of you perverts, Indians love fake taboo, so they say. I guess that’s still true, but damn, Pornky really dropped the ball on a popular category.

When I was looking at the front page, I noticed a lot of taboo smut. Plenty of step-siblings were experimenting and step-dads were taking advantage. There’s a lesbian scene between a mature hottie and her stepdaughter that looked so hot I almost popped to the thumbnail.

If I notice a site has a lot of that pseudo-family fucking, I get pretty excited. I had the lotion out and fired up the ol’ mechanical vagina, and then I scanned the Category selection on the left sidebar. Pornky has a couple of hundred videos filed under Tattoo, but no Taboo category.

Sometimes sites make up their own confusing terminology instead of going with what everyone else uses. I saw one the other day where all the BBWs were buried under a “Large Women” tag, ensuring chubby chasers would never find their prey. Maybe, I thought, Pornky did something similar with their Taboo section. (Incidentally, there’s no kind of fatty section here either.)

I browsed the whole Categories page. They’ve covered basically all their other bases. Do you want Cheating, Big Tits, or Double Penetration? Got it. Strap-ons, Orgies, and Teachers? No problem. Sex Toys, Solo, and Squirting? You betcha. Taboo, or Family? Sorry, but this is a respectable site! The search bar won’t even pull up anything for those terms.

I don’t know if it’s an intentional omission or just a serious fuck-up, but damn. I’m bummed.

Beat Off to This and Then Save It For Later

There may not be a category for it, but I can still get to that mommy/stepdaughter lesbian scene from the front page. As more evidence that Pornky’s filing system is weak, the clip is only categorized as Full HD Porno, Big Tits, Lesbian and Pornstar Porno.

This is why most smut sites have both Categories and Tags. Those Categories are super broad and only tell you so much. More specific tags make it easy to find videos with precisely whatever you want: lesbian MILFs fingering or blonde 18+ teens going cowgirl.

At least the video plays without trouble. It started at 480p, but after some initial buffering I didn’t have trouble watching in HD. A woman can teach a girl a lot of things in 25 minutes. The little 18+ slut’s eyes roll in the back of her head as she’s getting her pussy eaten by a woman with years of practice.

It’s a beautiful thing, this meeting of generations. Inspiring, really. The Download button beneath the video offers the MP4 in a range of qualities, 240p to full 1080p HD.

Rumblings from the Hairy Peanut Gallery

Get a load of the comment sections under the clips on Pornky. You can usually expect some lowbrow shit from the kind of dudes who comment on free sex tubes, but these fuckers take it to another level.

Under this lesbian taboo scene, I just jerked it to, there’s exactly one guy asking a helpful and relevant question. “Her names?” Of course, this gets no response. Another guy is demanding “more Japanese videos” even though these are a couple of blonde white chicks.

Most of the comments are sheer gibberish. One Anonymous commenter wrote “Sex”, and another wrote “Sex yeah”. A Pornky user who took the time to sign up for an account wrote “Hat” and another nobody wrote “Hot”.

The funniest goddamn thing is that these comments are apparently moderated. I submitted one and got a message saying my comment has been sent for review. I hope I can maintain the high level of discourse with my admiration for the nice boobs and vagina in the clip.

With my ad-blocker running, Spam wasn’t a huge issue. No more than you’d expect from a free tube, anyway. You’re essentially paying for the tittyfuck movies you’re spanking it to by watching dick pill ads. Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought you were really getting something for nothing.

Pornky’s isn’t a terrible free tube. It will probably be good enough for most people, but there are some glaring omissions in their Categories menu and entire filing system that will annoy the shit out of a lot of you. If you usually search your free tubes for Taboo or BBW movies, you’re shit out of luck here. I’m sure there are other common genres they left out, but it might be worth a look if you’re not a mommy-fucker or a chubby-chaser.