11Oysters

What’s better than shucking and slurping down a dozen oysters before banging your wife? 11 Oysters sounds better from a convenience perspective even if you love seafood, but this next product promises all the benefits of a platter full of slippery bivalves in one little candy. In case you’re wondering, it doesn’t even taste like raw mollusks on the half shell, so it’ll leave your dirty mouth minty fresh instead of smelling like the ocean. Say what you will about the aphrodisiac qualities of the humble oyster, but women in general ain’t crazy about making out with a stank-ass fish mouth.

11Oysters.com describes their mints as a “premium male enhancement candy”. It’s a dudely health supplement in a sweet, chewable format, kind of like those Flintstones vitamins some of you remember, but designed to keep you raging hard and ready. It hasn’t been on the market too long, but the brains behind it started developing the formula years ago. I’m always curious about products designed to enhance sex, seeing as I review porn websites all week and bang a weekly pornstar at PornDudeCasting. Without any further ado, let’s see what this little treat’s all about.

Do Oysters Really Set the Mood?

Since 11 Oysters is a health supplement, not a drug, you don’t need a prescription to order a box. The packaging reminds me more of premium ginseng formulations you’d find in a Chinese market, and I can’t speak for you guys, but sometimes I really prefer that vibe over a plastic bottle full of pills with unpronounceable chemical names. The biggest question I had was what exactly went in those things.

Oysters as aphrodisiacs are a somewhat controversial topic. People have used them for hundreds of years to get in the mood, but skeptics will tell you it’s all bullshit. Internet naysayers love to shit on anything people are into, and honestly, the science is a little mixed. There haven’t really been a lot of studies that prove conclusively that oysters have a sensual effect, but certain ingredients in them absolutely do.

Oysters are high in zinc, for one thing, which can help boost testosterone and dopamine. There’s also D-aspartic acid, another testosterone supporter, and omega-3 fats, which may help boost blood flow, a critical component of rock-hard boners. I’ve seen it suggested that the weird, cummy texture of the things help get you in the mood by making you think of sex, but that’s harder to prove than the chemical elements.

11Oysters says each of their mints “concentrate the essence of 11 oysters from the Strait of Malacca”, but there’s no further breakdown of the constituents I mentioned. The formula ain’t limited to slightly less than a dozen oysters, though. They include a range of exotic natural ingredients, some familiar, and others that I’ve never seen available in a men’s supplement before.

A Natural Witch’s Brew for Your Dick

Some of the ingredients in 11Oysters.com’s candies are common in dick pills. There’s maca, a root vegetable with hormone balancing effects that often lead to horniness. L-arginine is in there, as is horny goat weed, both of which can help boost nitric oxide, increasing blood flow to the hard-on. I’ve personally experimented with all three of these, and found them to be effective in various degrees, so I was eager to try the 11Oysters blend and see how it compares.

Red ginseng is also included. Ginseng comes in various forms, and they’re all very common in supplements of all types. As with oysters, ginseng has its detractors, but also has a long history of human use and a whole shitload of people who still swear by it. It’s an adaptogen, meaning it’s kind of good for everything in theory, so 11 Oysters offers it up to help boost antioxidant production, boosting endurance and enhancing libidos.

Ever tried deer antler? I haven’t before now, but 11Oysters rolls it into the formula for its sex-hormone precursors to testosterone. The mantis egg cases are purported to decease premature ejaculation and also get you horny “by nourishing kidney essence.” Male silkworm eggs are supposed to treat impotence, boost androgen secretion, and increase sperm motility.

They round out the ingredients with epidium, cynomortium songaricum, cusctua chinensis and morinda, which serve similar purposes. Everything is listed with a little thumbnail image of the various herbs and spices, and for the most part, it all looks like stuff you’d find in the forest or the health food store. Since it’s all safe and natural, 11Oysters promises no side effects. You ain’t going to get that at ForHims!

But How Does It Actually Work?

Pretty much as soon as I loaded up the 11Oysters website, I assumed it worked just like any kind of herbal Viagra: eat it a little while before sex. Sure, enough, that’s what you do. 11 Oysters kicks in within 30 minutes, and you’ll soon “begin to notice a profound shift in your vitality, stamina, and performance.”

It's not exactly herbal Viagra, though, so the effects don’t exactly hit you the same way. One thing I really like about this product is that the effects last up for 48 hours. A box of 11Oysters contains 28 candies, and that’s supposed to last you a couple months. Contrast that to the monthly packages you sign up for with a lot of the competitors. The website even offers up a chart showing just how 11Oysters compares to the other guys in terms of pricing and dosing frequency.

I know I’ve already mentioned Viagra a couple paragraphs in a row, but I’ve just got to comment on the visuals. The photo of the product on the front page of 11Oysters.com sure as hell looks like a Vitamin V breath mint, which I assume was an intentional branding thing. The speckled texture and oblong shape look like candy, but lose your glasses and you might really think it was a prescription dick pill.

As far as specific effects, the 11 Oysters website lists three: it boosts natural energy, enhances blood circulation, and improves performance and stamina. There’s also an obvious confidence boost that comes with all this, which will go a long way in keeping that pecker in working order. I don’t mean to sound like a cynic, but the placebo effect is how a lot of the bullshit gas station boner pills work, at least when they’re not straight-up poisoning you.

Mantis Eggs with a Money-Back Guarantee

One of the only downsides of 11Oysters is that it costs a hundred bucks. That’s a two-month supply, but still, that’s a pretty penny these days as groceries continue to get more expensive. Still, it’s a lot cheaper than pounding a dozen oysters every other day, to say nothing of trying to source deer antlers, mantis eggs and other rare ingredients. Who has time for another Skyrim side quest 3 or 4 times a week?

They do soften the financial blow in a couple ways, though. For one thing, they offer free shipping around the world. It’s a pretty standard perk these days, but still worth mentioning since I hate seeing an extra charge as much you do.

They also offer a 60-day satisfaction guarantee. Basically, you just email them, send the product back and get your money back. You’re still on the hook for shipping costs and a little bit of your time, but hey, nobody is offering this kind of guarantee on pharmaceuticals. It takes most of the risk out of trying the product if you’re still on the fence.

11Oysters.com is easiest to recommend if you’re already a believer in the sensual properties of oysters, as they’ve made it the main, titular ingredient in their little magic potion pills. Like I said in the intro, chewing up a mint is a hell of a lot faster, easier, and nicer on your breath than crushing a whole plate full of raw, jiggling mollusks. They round out the formula with a range of safe, all-natural ingredients with a history of aphrodisiacal use, boosting your circulation, size, stamina and pleasure. Even if you ain’t convinced about the oyster thing yet, the money-back guarantee lets you see firsthand just how effective their candies are without burning through your wallet. What have you got to lose?