Maika Monroe Nude

Prepare to be thoroughly bonerfied by Maika Monroe. This busty blonde beaut busted onto the scene with the subtlety of a glitter explosion. Whether she's outrunning supernatural entities or just casually existing, Monroe has a knack for looking unfairly gorgeous. But don't hate her because she's beautiful – hate her because she won't fuck you. I bet she's fuck me, though. Let's dive into the life of this 10 who makes 9s look like they just rolled out of a dumpster.

Top Heavy

You've certainly noticed Maika Monroe's delicious balloons on screen. But here's the thing - our girl's got a classic case of "all up top, nothing down below."

Sure, she's rocking those C cups like nobody's business. They're the real scene-stealers in her movies, practically deserving their own Oscar. But when it comes to junk in the trunk? Crickets. It's like her posterior decided to take an extended vacation and never came back.

Now, we're not body-shaming here. Many of my fans love this kind of build. You do you, Maika. But let's just say if she ever decides to remake "Baywatch," she might want to invest in some butt pads. Or maybe start a "Squats for Starlets" workout trend. Just a thought.

Dressing to Erect

You've got to hand it to Maika - the girl knows how to bring a dick to attention without much effort. Her style's like that effortlessly cool friend who rolls out of bed looking as fuckable as anybody.

Whether she's rocking a slinky red carpet gown or just chillin' in her PJs, Monroe brings an easy sexiness that makes you get hard without even noticing your bulge. It's all in the details - a hint of midriff here, a plunging neckline there. Nothing too in-your-face, just enough to make you wonder what you're missing.

And let's talk about those premiere looks. Somehow she nails that tricky balance between classy and good fucking God. You're left thinking, "Damn, I wish I could pull that off." And by that, I mean pull her dress off, not attempt to wear it yourself. Please don't do that... I mean... unless you really want to.

From Kite Surfing to Catching Waves on the Silver Screen

This blonde bombshell actually started out catching waves of a different kind. Before she was turning heads on red carpets, young Maika was carving up the waters as a professional kiteboarder. That's right, while you were struggling to master the art of not falling on your face in front of pretty ladies, she was soaring through the air with the greatest of ease.

But apparently being a badass athlete wasn't enough for our girl Maika. No, she had to go and be drop-dead gorgeous and a talented actress, too. Some people just can't help but overachieve, right? You guys certainly aren't that kind of people. I know my readers well.

Her transition from beach babe to spicy screen babe was smoother than a freshly waxed surfboard. With her sun-kissed locks and warm brown eyes, it's no wonder Hollywood came calling. And boy, did she answer with a vengeance, quickly making a splash in indie darlings and blockbusters alike.

Breakout Role in "It Follows"

You might think you've seen every horror movie trope in the book, but then along comes Maika Monroe in "It Follows" to make you question everything you thought you knew about scream queens. This 2014 supernatural thriller catapulted Monroe from "Who's this bitch?" to "Where's my fucking lube?" faster than you can say, "Don't look behind you!"

Monroe's portrayal of Jay, the film's haunted heroine, is a masterclass in making abject terror look good enough to beat your meat to. You'll find yourself torn between wanting to protect her and wondering if she'd consider grabbing a coffee sometime (you know, once the whole "relentless entity trying to kill her" thing blows over).

Most of my readers look like sweaty disasters after a light jog. But Monroe? She manages to sprint from an invisible pursuer while maintaining an effortless glow that would make even airbrushed magazine covers jealous. It's almost enough to make you root for the monster. Almost.

"The Guest" Will Make You Girthy

I bet you guys already know that scene in "The Guest" where Maika Monroe's character is just chilling in bed. If not, it's about to get steamy in your basement bedroom. Picture this: our girl Maika, sprawled out like a lazy cat, rocking a casual tee that's probably seen better days. Boy, do I wish I was that tee-shirt.

Hold onto your hats, folks, because below that well-worn shirt lies the pièce de résistance - a pair of canary yellow undies adorned with polka dots that would make Minnie Mouse blush. It's like a ray of sunshine decided to take up residence on Maika's lower half, and honestly, I'm not mad about it. I'm hard about it.

Now, you might think lounging is easy, but Maika elevates it to an art form. She's not just lying there; she's existing with the kind of effortless grace that makes you wonder if you've been doing this whole "relaxing" thing wrong your entire life. It's enough to make you want to throw out your girl's entire wardrobe and invest in nothing but oversized tees and whimsical underwear.

It Follows "It Follows" Would Make Me Erect

Maika Monroe's performance in "It Follows" will make you follow up the movie with a little private love session. Not only does she rock both undies and a bikini, but she does it while being chased by a shape-shifting entity. Talk about multitasking. I'll be multitasking also as I watch this flic while flicking my dick tip.

Monroe's character, Jay, spends a good chunk of the movie in various states of undress, but don't let that fool you. This isn't your typical gratuitous nudity - it's tasteful gratuitous nudity. At least, that's what I tell myself. You'll find yourself rooting for her to outrun the monster while simultaneously admiring her impeccable taste in lingerie. It's like a Victoria's Secret runway show meets "The Ring."

When Jay's not lounging in her skivvies, she's rocking a retro-style bikini that would make Annette Funicello jealous. But unlike those beach party movies of yore, Monroe's swimwear scenes are less about innocent fun and more about surviving a supernatural STD.

"Bokeh" Behind

Any movie that includes Maika Monroe's dress hitting the floor is fine by me. Now, you didn't ask for this cinematic striptease, but in a way, you did. Audiences made clear that they only want to see Maika in a film if she's planning on showing off the goods. As the fabric falls away, you're treated to a glimpse of her undergarments. But wait, there's more.

Just when you think the show's over, Maika decides to go for broke. That's right, folks - the panties make their grand exit stage left. And there it is, in all its glory: Maika Monroe's bare behind, shining like a beacon of... well, nakedness. Her ass may not be big, but you'll still want to fuck it.

You might be wondering, "Is this art? Is this porn? Is this the most exciting thing I've seen since I found that extra fry at the bottom of the bag?" The answer, dear reader, is yes. Yes to all of it.

When Maika Monroe strips down to her birthday suit, men pay attention with eyes wide open. I hope you have some Visine handy because you won't be blinking for a while.

Grateful for "Greta"

Who doesn't love a good old-fashioned gratuitous workout scene in a movie? Maika Monroe's sweat session in "Greta" takes the protein shake. Picture this: our blonde bombshell, clad in a sports bra tighter than your Spanx and leggings that could make the guy who invented Lulu Lemons shit himself, engaging in some serious calorie-burning action.

As Maika pumps iron and stretches in ways that would make a contortionist jealous, you can't help but wonder if the film's budget went mostly to baby oil. Her glistening abs could probably hold a gallon of baby batter, while her toned arms look ready to punch creeps and open stubborn pickle jars with equal ease.

Let's be real - nobody looks that good while exercising. If you tried to recreate this scene at your local gym, you'd probably end up with a restraining order and a canceled membership. But hey, that's the magic of Hollywood, where even "working out" means looking like you just stepped off a fitness magazine cover. Maika Monroe: making us grip our collective barbells, one perfectly executed lunge at a time.

Who Hit It?

Look who's snagged themselves a slice of Hollywood gossip cream pie. You might think Maika Monroe's love life would be a rotating door of the finest gents in Hollywood, but you'd be surprised. Enter Dalton Gomez, the dashing real estate agent who's apparently traded in his "Thank U, Next" playlist for some Monroe magic.

Yes, you heard that right. The same guy who was once Mr. Ariana Grande is now cozying up to our favorite scream queen. One minute, he's selling million-dollar mansions; the next, he's arm-in-arm with Monroe. Who says real estate can't be glamorous?