Ellie Kemper Nude

One of my favorite Ellie Kemper bits is a 2007 internet video that’s usually labeled “blowjob girl”. I didn’t see it until years after she got famous, by which point she’d solidly established her wholesome hot-chick vibe. The stuff she says in the video is meant to be the opposite of sexy, but I was pretty thrilled to finally hear the cutie talking about sucking cock, even if she was doing so while gnashing her perfect pearly whites. “Which teeth do you like?” she asks. “How about a nice, slow chomp?” Funny is sexy, and I have to admit, I do get turned on every time I see the clip.

I have the same thought whenever I see it, though: has Ellie Kemper ever done any full-on sex scenes, any nudie spreads, or gone slutting around the beach in a tiny G-string? I fall down the same rabbit holes again and again, but so far, I haven’t found exactly what I was looking for. Ellie Kemper is a gorgeous American actress, comedian, and star of fap fantasies galore. She ain’t a pornstar by any measure, but can I tell you why I’ve still got kind of a celebrity crush on the gal?

The Birth of a Persona

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you were a fan of Ellie’s comedy for at least a minute or two before she started popping up in your wet dreams. Her breakout role was in season five of the American version of The Office in 2009, where she starred as Erin Hannon, a receptionist hired to replace Pam. I always thought both women had those perfect girl-next-door good looks, and Ellie’s character had this goofy, almost childlike demeanor.

Erin Hannon is a lot like Kimmy Schmidt, the titular character in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. This was my first real introduction to Ellie’s work, as she played the lead. The character was similar to Erin in so many ways, from the cheerful persona to the cluelessness as to the ways of the world. The two characters have similar backstories, too, though Erin’s is only told in a deleted scene. In either case, it was a surprisingly traumatic upbringing at the hands of a religious cult.

Kimmy Schmidt and Erin Hannon are still some of Ellie’s most popular roles. They’re such prominent pieces of pop culture that it can be hard to mentally differentiate the persona from the real Ellie, even if you’ve seen her out of character in interviews. Combined with her next-door beauty, those roles helped her establish a wholesome vibe. Ironically, that wholesome vibe only seems to make her sexier. She’s a grown-ass lady with a couple kids in real life, which means she’s had sex at least twice, and she’s been in a movie called Sex Tape, but she’s still able to sell this absurdly innocent vibe. I mean, hell, even her smile seems too cute and adorable for real life, let alone the kind of movies I’m into.

But Was She Really Raised in a Cult?

One of the weirdest things I ever heard about Ellie Kemper was a rumor in 2021 that maybe she really was in a cult when she was younger. Turns out, she was crowned Prophet Queen of Love and Beauty, a crazy-ass title bestowed at the crazy-ass sounding Veiled Prophet Ball. This was no AVN Awards ceremony nor Met Gala, loved and respected by all, but a semi-public spectacle put on by a group called the Veiled Prophecy Organization. This was in 1999 when Ellie was still a 19-year-old teenager, and maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help envisioning a masked mansion orgy a la Eyes Wide Shut.

But just who the fuck is the Veiled Prophecy Organization? The secretive and controversial group was founded by rich folks in the late 1800s, and supposedly has ties to white supremacist groups in Missouri. Even before the Ellie connection pushed them into the celebrity gossip columns, respected rags like The Atlantic were publishing exposes on the group and its allegations of racism and elitism.

I was a little bummed out that my wholesome fantasy crush might be a secret nazi rich-girl cultist. The photo of Ellie being crowned Veiled Prophet Queen of Love and Beauty is weird as shit, even if she does look cute in that white prom-queen wedding dress. Still, I was skeptical of headlines calling her a KKK Princess. TV critic Jon Negroni wrote, “it really is something that Ellie Kemper was the star of a TV show about a woman who leaves a racist cult and tries to rebrand herself while pretending it never happened.”

For her part, Ellie quickly came out with a long-ass Instagram post denouncing white supremacy. It’s the expected move for a celeb in the situation, and maybe I’m biased because I already liked her, but the whole thing rang sincere to my ears. She was just a teenager when it happened, anyway. Shortly after Ellie made her statement, the Veiled Prophet Organization acknowledged that their past was shady, and promising to do better for everyone.

Back to the Beginning with Ellie Kemper

In case you didn’t put it together from the whole wealthy cult episode, Ellie came from something of a privileged background. Christened Elizabeth Claire Kemper in May 1980, she was born into a well-off family in Missouri. Her old man is the executive chairman of a bank holding company founded by the Kemper fam, so she really doesn’t have to do comedy to pay the bills. She reminds me of Julia Louis-Dreyfuss in this respect. Both comedians were born into wealth and beauty, but managed to become talented and funny anyway.

The section on Education in Ellie’s Wikipedia article is largely unsurprising. She went to affluent suburban schools, got into theater and improv in high school, and pursued a BA at an Ivy League school—Princeton, to be precise. It’s a pretty typical story for American actors and actresses, and even included some surprise celebrity cameos. Jon Hamm was one of her teachers in high school, and they appeared together on stage.

She graduated from small-time comedy clubs and improv theater in the late ‘00s, when she started popping up in sketches for Late Night with Conan O’Brien and Important Things with Demetri Martin. A lot of you probably saw her before she blew up, doing small roles on shows like The Gastineau Girls. In 2008, she did a PSA for Teen Voter Abstinence on The Colbert Report.

I’m bringing up the comedy PSA now because this was shortly before Ellie shot that famous “Blowjob Girl” clip. I’d heard that Ellie herself was trying to scrub the video from the internet, which made me think, maybe she really is trying to cultivate that sexy good-girl persona. She addressed it in 2010 interview with The A.V Club, and honestly? She didn’t convince me otherwise. “I really don't like that video, and I wish that I hadn't done it, even though I know that it's a joke,” she said. “I hate that it got sort of big, because I don't think that it's that funny and I don't want that to be the epitome of my work.”

But Does Ellie Have Any Real Nude Scenes?

I don’t think there’s any real chance that Ellie Kemper will ever sign up for OnlyFans, nor do I expect to see her in any serious sex scenes with her titties out and everything. That said, she has done a handful of risqué scenes that I know the fans will go nuts for if they haven’t seen them already.

Ellie appears in her underwear in Brenda Forever, though she doesn’t do much more than some stage kissing. There were also a couple quick flashes of panties on both The Office and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and of course, you can find screengrabs of the exact moments they happen. I’ve always loved this chick’s toned legs, and was not remotely surprised to learn she’s a marathon runner.

We’re living in a weird moment in history where the celebrity nude sites are starting to fill up with deepfakes, and yeah, I’ve seen a few of them popping up beside real photos of Ellie in tight dresses. Some of them look pretty legit, but the big giveaway is just that Ellie ain’t that type of gal. This is the former Veiled Prophet Queen of Love we’re talking about, after all.

I don’t know if I’ve ever said this before, but maybe I’m glad Ellie Kemper has never done real nudes or explicit sex scenes. Even when she’s delivering suggestive lines in flicks like 21 Jump Street, there’s this innocence and naivety that’s just so sexy for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe she’s typecast or maybe she just loves these types of roles, but you know what? So do I.