Hey, smut fans. I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is I blew a bunch of money in the back room of the local titty bar. The good news is that the tight budget helped me get more intimately familiar with some of the free porno tubes out there. I recently cranked out a few to the collection over at VEPorns.com, and I’ve got some observations to share with you bunch of perverts.
The site is getting more than 16 million visits a month in its current incarnation, but you may have known VEPorns by one of its previous names. It was CEPorn, then VE-Porn, followed by VEPorn. They’ve never had a catchy name, and their header still calls it FXPorn. Despite their gross ineptitude at naming the site, they’ve managed to keep it going for a while now. VEPorns currently has around 30,000 sex movies ready to stream for free.
Very Excellent Porns
The first thing you’ll see when you pull up VEPorns is, you guessed it, a bunch of porn. The screencaps don’t move when you hover over them, but they’re all crisp, professional shots from big studios. Brazzers, Mofos, BangBros and RealityKings are just a few of the recognizable names on the front page. It may be free, but you’re not getting off-brand bitches jerking dicks behind a 7-11 for meth money. This is the good stuff.
The Pornstars page lists around 9,000 pornstars, a lot of them faces and racks you’ll recognize. You can browse them by Featured sluts or in alphabetical order. There’s no easy way to search the list by hair color, tit size, or other attribute. The picture menu is appetizing as hell and should be more than enough for most monkey-spankers.
A page of categories lists studios along with depraved acts like Threesome and Anal. There’s Squirting, Public, and Hardcore, but fetish freaks will feel left out. There’s no Fetish niche, nor do they fuck with any kind of bondage, feet, or leather clips.
That said, VE Porns has content from a lot of sites. You’re bound to find some really kinky stuff if you use the search function. Tranny ain’t a category, but the search bar can find a few chicks with dicks for you.
You know, I’m not complaining or anything, but I’m not fully convinced VEPorns has permission to post all the smut in their collection. If you click the Upload button, you get a form to enter the video you want, and the message, “We are working hard. You can make any video request.” That’s not usually how this shit works.
Another hint that VEPorns might not be on the up-and-up was the fact that videos usually have a mirror or two in addition to a mobile version. That’s something you see on those sites with streaming versions of current blockbusters, filmed on somebody’s iPhone in the theater.
Vaguely European Porns
I poked around the site, trying to find out what the VE in VEPorns stands for. I couldn’t figure it out, but there’s a decent chance it’s not even in English. The top of the landing page had this message when I visited:
“Hello dear visitor, we work very hard for you every day. Some videos can be erased, and our team is reloading these videos as soon as possible. If you are uncomfortable with ads, you can remove popup ads for free in 3 seconds as register.“
Wow. Okay. Actually, I don’t mind broken English too much. You can find some fucking hot action on foreign sites. They’ve got lower operating costs than American porn factories, and pass the savings on to the end masturbator. Some of these fuckers are straight-up porn pirates, but hey, I’m watching.
That said, I can only guess the first part of the message means they’re currently having an issue with clips disappearing from the site. I didn’t run into any dead video pages while I was looking at VEPorns.
As for the second part of VEPorns’s welcome message, I am uncomfortable with ads. I usually just let my ad-blocker take care of the problem for me. On my initial look around, I was already running into problems getting videos to play, so I went ahead and registered for a free account.
The registration only takes a few seconds, as claimed. You don’t have to verify your email address. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have offered up a real one.
One perk of membership is obvious from any page on the site. At the very bottom, there’s a list of the Best Wankers. With enough hard work, dedication, and lube, you too can find your name among heroes like kiselinaxp and gendel11.
Once I signed in with my new password, I went back to the main page and tried one of the videos that wasn’t playing for me. It’s a Brazzers scene with Britney Amber dressed as a maid and getting hammered, and it looks hot as fuck.
The video page has a bigger version of that same pic where you’d expect the playable clip to be, but it’s a still image you can’t click on. Fuck. I tried a PureTaboo scene of a little White babe riding on a BBC, but ran into the same issue.
It seems VEPorns is one of those free sites that just isn’t going to work with the ad-blocker. I disabled it and got immediate access to the interracial incest scene, but two pop-ups popped up and a video ad ran in its entirety before I got it to actually play.
I know this will be deal-breaker for some of you. If you’re used to fapping for free, though, you’re probably used to closing spam windows, too. Just don’t be a fucking idiot and you should be fine. Spam on porno websites is notoriously risky to your computer’s health, but you already knew that, didn’t you?
Stalker Teens and Sex Traps
After the two pop-ups and a short video ad for VR fuck dolls, I got to watch that PureTaboo clip. In it, Abella Danger plays an obsessed teen stalker who lures this BBC-packing stud into a sex trap. The quality is non-adjustable but more than passable; the front page says they’re serving up 720p and 1080p Full HD porno.
I doubt it could take much effort on Abella’s part to lure any dick she could ever want, but I wanted to hear her dirty talk. The clip is muted by default, so I clicked the volume icon on the in-screen player. I got sound at the expense of yet another pop-up.
In addition to the usual features, VEPorns’s player has a speed control option. I watched Abella taking a cumshot at quarter speed a few times.
There’s a Download button that offers the video as an Mpeg. You don’t have any quality options, and VEPorns bounces you to another site to do the actual downloading. That other site immediately told me to turn off my ad blocker, so I left empty-handed.
I tried a few other videos and the experience was similar. You get two pop-ups, a video ad, and then a porno movie with non-adjustable quality. The video ad is really going to fuck you up if you’re the type to jump from clip to clip as you’re beating your meat. If that’s your stroke style, look for your fix elsewhere.
The tags on the video pages are pretty skimpy. Most of them have pornstars and studios tagged, but there’s no extensive list of category tags like on other sites. A video with blowjobs, fisting, and ass-to-mouth isn’t going to have quick links to other clips with these assaults on general decency.
As far as free porn tubes go, VEPorns has a pretty damn good collection. It’s 30,000 movies strong, built from some of the best smut from some of today’s best studios. That alone makes it worth your time. The site’s major drawback is the insane amounts of spam you absolutely cannot hide from if you’re using the site. It’s manageable if you’re just stopping for a visit, but too much to make VEPorns sessions a habit.