JList

J-List! Do you want to buy some hentai shit at J List? Sometimes it is not enough to simply watch hours and hours of porn. Sometimes you need a little more than that. A little something special. Something to really step your self-pleasure game up a notch. Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with using a tool every now and then right? No judgment here.

Plus, with Christmas right around the corner, why not treat yourself to something nice? Splurge a little. Splurge on your splooge, that’s what I say. You deserve it! … Okay, maybe you don’t really deserve it, seeing as all you do all day every day is sit around your mother’s basement watching porn and fapping like it is going out of fashion … But, still, you might as well make the most of that time.

In the world of adult sex toys and merchandise, it can be somewhat of a difficult task to find stuff geared specifically toward straight men. It seems like everywhere you go, it’s vibrators, dildos, and anal beads. But what about us? It is not quite as easy to find, say, a quality pocket pussy, a BJ simulator, or a blowup doll.

Plus, there definitely seems to be something of a double standard when it comes to who can and cannot enjoy sex toys. A prime example of this is to take a look at how a girl having a dildo or a vibrator is sexy, but a dude with a blowup doll? Well, society has deemed that pathetic. Whether or not it actually is pathetic is a completely different conversation.

Have you ever actually tried going to a brick and mortar sex toy shop and asking someone to point you toward the blowup dolls? Well, probably not. Because that would involve going to a public place and admitting, in front of a group of random and unwitting strangers that you—yes, you, the neckbeard in the fedora and Star Trek shirt—are in the market for a blowup doll. Way to reinforce the stereotype, asshole.

Even more difficult, I would imagine, is for guys who love hentai and Japanese porn to find sex toys specifically geared toward them. And, as we have already established, since you are the neckbeard/fedora guy, we both know that you love anime porn and have a strange (yet, on some levels, totally understandable) obsession with Japanese chicks.

A Japanese Sex Shop for Americans

Well, my socially awkward friend, I might just have the solution to your problems (okay, maybe not so much a solution to your problems as much as a means to help you enjoy them more thoroughly). If Japanese smut is your thing, you cannot expect to have your needs met at a traditional American porn shop.

Just follow the natural line of logic: if you want Japanese sex toys and products, well, go to a Japanese store. Makes sense, right? What’s more, there are some decent Japanese sex shops for you to get all of your fap gadgets under the cloak of anonymity that is the internet. And just like that, boom, problem solved. You’re welcome.

So, you acne-riddled 4chan lurker, I present to you J-List: an all-Japanese online marketplace. Although they sell many products (think of it almost like an anime-oriented Japanese Amazon seemingly geared toward Western consumers), since you can’t go five minutes without fapping (or at least thinking about fapping), my review will focus only on one small corner of the site: The Adult Corner.

Once you get to J-List’s Adult Corner, you might notice that the site design and layout is actually kind of similar to that of a porn site. What caught my eye first is the banner at the top of the page, which is a simple gray box with “Adult Corner” written in a very plain script. To the left of it, though, you will find an 18+ Japanese schoolgirl who is standing up, effortlessly stretching her right leg straight above her head. It’s kind of amazing, to be honest, and definitely prime for putting a perverted mind in the right headspace for the kind of shopping that is in store.

Familiar, Easy to Use Site Design

Below that banner, you will find some featured products, broken up into sections, as I said before, much like a porn site would be. First comes the “Best-sellers and Pick-ups” (not sure what is meant by “pick-up,” but I’d chock it up to a language barrier issue). Next, you’ll find a gallery of product thumbnails below the best sellers (which you can also view as a list if you prefer). The default organization of the list is “featured” products, but you have the ability to toggle between lists presented alphabetically, by price, newest to oldest, and best sellers as well.

To the left of the products, also not unlike a porn site, will be a few options to filter your results. Shop by category (adult magazines, toys, videos, cast-off figures, eroge, hentai anime, manga, and 42 others), tick a box to control whether you see pre-order items or not, select a price range ($3 - $360), filter for specific series, and filter by theme (amateur, school, sports, tentacle / monster, etc.). Overall, I am pretty impressed with the number and effectiveness of the features that J-List offers in order to help you browse their mass of products.

Okay, so, now that you have filtered out all the stuff you don’t give a fuck about and you’ve narrowed it down to whatever weird tentacle-themed shit you’re into, let’s click into a product page and see what JList has to offer. Well, it seems pretty on par with most decent online stores. You get a few images of the product, an “Add to Cart” button, an “Add to Wishlist” feature, you have the options to quickly share the product on social media (please don’t), and it displays whether the product is in stock and where it ships from (Japan in almost every case).

You’ll also get an in-depth product description written by the people of J-List (as opposed to the manufacturer), the item’s specs (weight, length, etc.), a link to find similar products, as well as an easy link to the manufacturer’s website (a nice touch). The featured images, I feel like I should note, may not always provide the most accurate depiction of the item, though.

Lack of True Photos and Customer Voice

I looked at a product, for example, called Lollipop Misty Nightmare Girl (you guys are so fucking weird), which is essentially a sex torso with tits, an ass, and two holes to fuck. The product’s page, however, only displayed an image of the box (which has an animation of a young 18+ gothic schoolgirl licking a lollipop on it) and a few other renderings of the product itself. Now, note that I said “renderings.” There are no actual images of the product itself, just drawings of the torso and the vaginal and anal tracts within (their shape, how they are ribbed, etc.).

This is disappointing for obvious reasons. If I’m going to drop $180 on a sex toy (not that I ever would, but for the sake of argument…) then I better be able to see multiple unadulterated photos of exactly what I can expect to receive in the mail. Videos, too, would be helpful, so that I can see if the product is sturdy enough, to ensure the materials aren’t too cheap. For almost $200, I’m going to need a hell of a lot more than a few artist’s renderings of what I’m buying.

Another disappointing aspect of J-List is that they do not seem to have any sort of customer rating or review system in place. They do review products themselves, though, and link to those reviews (which are published on their blog). But, come on. Am I supposed to just trust that J-List is going to give me an honest review of an item that they are clearly trying to sell? Obviously, they’re not going to say, “this product is a piece of shit,” even if it is. They’re trying to make money!

On a positive note, though, they do have a system in place for private ordering, so that you can feel safe buying whatever sort of perverse monster porn shit you like without anyone becoming any the wiser. No need for your mom to find a package on the porch that clearly reads “LOLLIPOP MISTY NIGHTMARE GIRL 2-WAY ONAHOLE SEX DOLL.” The catch? They charge you five bucks extra for this anonymous service as an add-on at checkout. That’s fucked up, but it’s a great business move to be honest.

All in all, J List has tons of obscure Japanese sex toys, hentai, manga, anime, and other shit to choose from. If you just want a simple pocket pussy or fuck torso, I’d probably go to Amazon, frankly. However, if you are in need of some hard-to-find hentai or manga, or you absolutely need a weird hentai sex toy that can’t be found in a Western online shop, I’m sure J-List will come through.

Either way, happy fapping. And shave your fucking neckbeard already. Maybe if you did you wouldn’t need to be buying fuck torsos anonymously on the internet!