BrazzersToys

When I first heard of Brazzers Toys, I knew it could go one of two ways. I’ve seen adult sites trying to piggyback off the famous names of their competitors, so I half wondered if this was going to be another shop misrepresenting their origin story. On the other hand, if the big-name brand was actually hawking their own sex toys, it could spell great times for masturbators. After all, who knows jacking off better than one of the world’s most popular smut peddlers?

Turns out, this ain’t some half-baked drop-shipping operation with a stolen title. BrazzersToys.com offers a selection of masturbatory gizmos curated by the legendary porn makers themselves. The shop has been getting about 25,000 visitors a month lately, which got me curious. A name like Brazzers is going to bring in the perverts, no matter what they’re selling, but did the catalog live up to the hype? Read on, and I’ll tell you what I found inside.

Masturbation Toys from the Porno Giant

I’m writing this from the Chicago suburbs today, just across the border in northwest Indiana. Our big-headed, small-dicked lawmakers here recently decided porn should be a lot harder to watch, so I actually have to use a VPN if I want to look at Brazzers or any other MindGeek-owned porn site like Pornhub. I’ve got a whole section on VPN technology and how to use it here at ThePornDude if you’re in need, but fortunately, BrazzersToys loaded up in my browser without any need to disguise my location.

Not that there’s any mistaking BrazzersToys.com for a SFW e-commerce website. Beneath a logo that tacks a TOYS onto the original two-tone BRAZZERS insignia, a blonde, fishnet-clad pornstar makes an oh-face while arching her back, showing off that peach. It’s a page-top promotion for their selection of backdoor toys, “from notice to pro,” with a little pic of a vibrating butt plug just in case you’re a little too slow to glean it from the way she’s got her ass in the air.

Given how many top-tier pornstars Brazzers has featured in their movies, I was really hoping to find some Brazzers Toys based on a few, similar to all those Fleshlights modeled after real starlets. Maybe those are coming down the pipeline at some point, but for now, the licensed pornstar products in the catalog are made by other companies. They do have a growing selection of Brazzers-branded gadgets, though. The newest include electronic cock rings, Money Shot masturbators and an air-pulse clit stimulator for ladies looking to hose down the living room with pussy juice.

Only a handful of the current toys have a yellow Brazzers label on the box. They’re carrying products for men, women and couples from a range of adult toymakers. Genital stimulators from outfits like Main Squeeze, PDX, Gender X and Fantasy can be found in abundance, and there are even toys like Creature Cocks for the hentai nerds and bona fide deviates in the audience. Brazzers the porn site caters to pretty typical fap fantasies, but BrazzersToys carries a wide enough range of kinky items that even the deep-niche fetishists can get their kicks, too.

    

I did notice, though, that some of the biggest, most well-known adult toy brands ain’t featured in the catalog. It’s hard to review a site like this without mentioning the ubiquitous Fleshlight a dozen times, but BrazzersToys.com doesn’t carry them. A lot of masturbators will tell you brand names don’t matter too much unless you’re just trying to spend more money, and I agree with that to a certain extent. That said, brand recognition is valuable, if only because we’re all more likely to buy something from a maker we’re already familiar with.

Digging into the Brazzers Toys Catalog

I wanted to learn more about the official Brazzers Toys with the yellow ZZ on the box, so I made my way to that section of the website. I couldn’t find any info on who’s actually making the products or if they’re rebranding somebody else’s vibrators (“white label” products), but they’re not putting their name on the kind of cheap-ass ass toys you find at the highway porn store that smells like old feet.

Case in point, that Brazzers Money Shot Premium Male Masturbator I mentioned earlier, which is currently the top Featured item in the ZZ Toys aisle. At $130, it ain’t the cheapest auto-fapper on the market nor the most expensive, hovering somewhere between the no-name brands and more expensive manufacturers like Tenga. It’s sleek-looking motherfucker, though, a visual upgrade from the usual cap-ended “flashlights” and low-quality plastic imitators. With 10 speeds and 3 suction modes, I’m kind of considering adding yet another auto-stroker to my collection.

BrazzersToys.com also has girl toys that are just as premium, including their own version of the beloved Hitachi Magic Wand for eighty bones and a vibrating rabbit dildo for ten bucks more. You can buy your wife a bottle of Brazzers Pre-Flex Deep Throat Spray for $15, and maybe she’ll even use it if you also treat her to their remote-controlled panty vibe. A lot of people think of sex toys as things to enjoy strictly solo, but man, you can have so much fun with a partner and a little something that buzzes like an insect. Check out some of my toy tests at PornDudeCasting if you don’t believe me!

One item that I really want to point out to readers is the $30 Brazzers-branded Fleshlight knockoff. It’s got a non-descript fuck hole instead of fake vagina, and the suction control valve isn’t as sophisticated as the pressure control of the big-name competitor, but for the price, I certainly ain’t complaining. This is already one of the best sex toy deals I’ve seen in years, but it gets even better: it comes with a 30-day membership to Brazzers. The Ultimate Stroker Cup costs almost the same exact amount as the subscription, so it’s basically like getting a free (imitation) Fleshlight when you sign up for Brazzers.

Do I Really Need Another Toy? Probably.

BrazzersToys.com is not the biggest online sex toy shop in the world. Given how easy it is to set up an e-commerce site, especially for a company with pockets and connections as deep as Brazzers, I have to assume this is intentional. Instead of giving you an Amazon-like selection of everything under the sun, quality be damned, they’re focusing on products that are more likely to get their users off.

That includes hundreds of adult toys in all shapes, sizes, colors and styles. By the numbers, there are nearly 300 products in the For Him section and another couple hundred For Her. There are mere dozens of items listed in sections like For Couples, Anal Play, and Dildos, but the Vibrator aisle does span more than two hundred products.

The lube section is surprisingly well-stocked, reminding me of the vast selection you find on Japanese onahole websites. BrazzersToys carries around 60 slippery substances with different textures, smells and topical anesthetics for your bunghole. An 8-ounce bottle of Fuck Sauce Anal Numbing Lubricant is much pricier than the usual fake pre-cum and simulated pussy juice at $35, but as the product description says, “everything’s better with sauce on it, especially your ass.”

Whatever you decide to spring for, shipping is free as long as you spend at least $75. You might end up paying a few more bucks for your package if you’re only getting one cheapo toy like that Ultimate Stroker Cup I mentioned, but it really ain’t hard to hit that minimum order around here. Toy-cleaning fluid starts at around ten bucks and lubes around $15, so just add some juice to your order if you’re getting close to that free-shipping threshold.

I’m impressed. Given their lineage, Brazzers Toys could have just slapped their name on some bullshit, called it a day, and still made a fucking shitload of money. Instead, it seems like they really are curating a collection of some of the better sex toys out there, just like they lay it out on the About Us page. While the selection at BrazzersToys.com might not run quite as deep as those internet sex-toy superstores, you have a lot less worry about buying a scratchy fap sleeve that doesn’t live up to the hype and gives you an infection. Just like they’ve done with their award-winning video website, Brazzers remains committed to helping their fans bring their fap sessions to the next level. Are you cumming or what?