FuxPorn

I admit: I giggled when Fux Porn slid into my DMs this morning. Though I graduated into adulthood many moons ago, there’s still something hilarious about wee-wees and dingdongs, poopers and pee holes. The title just appealed to my sense of humor with its creative misspelling of one of the classic dirty words, making me want to jump for joy as I shouted, “Yes! Boobies and butts!” I’d say something about how we’re grownups now and it ain’t all fun and games, but let’s face—it is, and that’s why you’re here, perhaps with a well-lubed toy to play with along the way.

As the astute readers have likely already guessed from the title, FuxPorn.com is indeed a porn site. To be more precise, this one’s a free tube that collects full-length premium scenes, but without the premium price. It’s a simple gimmick, but arguably one of the most effective ones out there. The numbers seem to back that up, with a couple million visitors stopping by for a full-length fap every month. I’ve got a couple hours to kill and a raging boner, so I figured, why not take a looksee for myself?

Putting the Fucks in Fux Porn

Fux Porn doesn’t have the flashiest layout I’ve ever seen on a porn tube, which ain’t necessarily a bad thing. They’ve kept the presentation pretty fucking simple, the domain spelled out in plain text instead of a fancy logo, with a streamlined header pointing toward some of their most popular categories. Most of the front page, as on most tubes, is devoted to thumbnails from the latest vids, with only titles and runtimes to keep clutter to a minimum.

As somebody who shakes his dick around the internet for a living, one of the first things I noticed were the lengthy duration of the flicks. The shortest movie out front is nearly twenty minutes long, while the longest run over an hour. Most of them fall somewhere in between; I’d say the average flick here runs between 30 and 45 minutes, a far cry from the 12-minute paysite samples and 90-second amateur clips you find on most tubes.

Those of you who ain’t in the porn reviewing business will probably notice something else first, and that’s the wide range of premium content on offer. There doesn’t seem to be a set theme other than “filthy hardcore porno,” because they’re stocking the shelves with a little of everything. There are big-ass Latina hookups, lesbian sex affairs, Asian creampies and a whole bunch of threesomes. Thematically, I see cuckold scenes, interracial humping, doctors committing the most sensual forms of malpractice, and even some kinkier fare, like BDSM, bitches with strap-ons, and even some tranny content.

These ain’t just any throwaway stag films, either. FuxPorn offers dirty movies from some of the biggest brands, studios and paysites in the business. Remember those popular categories I mentioned in the header? Well, those are all big industry names, like Brazzers, Pure Taboo, ShopLyfter, BangBros, Blacked and TeamSkeet. The latest spread of vids on the front page offers even more recognizable smut, like Vixen, SexMex, 21Sextury, Naughty America and My Pervy Family. If you were hoping to see some off-brand amateur shit, well, look elsewhere.

Girls You’ve Seen and Ones I Know

I’m certainly not one to shit on DIY porn. I’m a huge fan of the homemade stuff, as it often captures a level of raw enthusiasm and realism that’s hard to recreate in a more controlled movie-shooting environment. That said, there are certain advantages to beating off to the known quantities available in the FuxPorn.com catalog. For one thing, the standards are high all across the board, from the camerawork that doesn’t accidentally obscure the best parts, to the crisp video resolutions that let you see every drop of girl cum, to the clean sets, the sexy costumes and the polished editing.

And of course, the women. Sites like Brazzers ain’t hiring random uggos they found sucking off truckers at the local gas station, so you ain’t going to find them here. Nah, this place is full of gorgeous, well-known pornstars, the same girls you’ve probably already been cranking it to in your naughty travels around the ‘net. Recent Fux Porn updates feature famous starlets like Rebecca Volpetti, Alette Ocean and Katie Kush. I even spotted a ton of girls I’ve banged personally on the PornDudeCasting couch, like Lauren Phillips, Gianna Dior, Nicole Doshi and Armani Black.

I actually got pretty distracted from working up this review when I found a recent Valentine’s Day flick from Nubile Films starring Alex Coal and Kyler Quinn. It’s a half-hour threesome scene, and I could be wrong, but I bet it’s more fun than you had on the same romantic Hallmark holiday. It’s definitely the most fun I’ve had today, even if I did get some funny looks from a few of the other public library patrons.

Given the massive, throbbing roster of video whores, I was a little disappointed that FuxPorn.com doesn’t have a Pornstars page like you often find elsewhere. Granted, at this point it would probably be a sprawling, thousand-page index of sluts, but sometimes it’s just nice to have a picture menu to browse from. On the same note, the site doesn’t have a browsable Tags/Categories page, either. It’s not a dealbreaker, because the flicks are well-tagged and the search bar does the trick. You just have to know what you’re looking for to use it.

Down the Rabbit Hole at Fux Porn

Since I started whipping up this Fux Porn review a little while ago, they’ve added two new movies to the pile. I made my way back to the front page and found fresh fap fodder from Pure Taboo and Mommy’s Girl, totaling well over an hour. They’re adding movies all the fucking time, faster than even the most depraved masturbator could possibly keep up. I mean, you should try anyway, but I hope you’ve got some serious forearm stamina and a good stockpile of lube.

As of this writing, the full collection contains over 21,000 full-length porno movies. There are other free tubes out there with even bigger collections, sometimes numbering in the hundreds of thousands or even millions, but those are all full of short flicks and sample scenes. We’re talking about 21,000 whole-ass adult movies here, and that ain’t nothing to sneeze at. It’s definitely something to cum to, though.

One of the biggest challenges a professional masturbator faces with a collection of this size is just deciding where to begin my official fap test. Should I watch a big-booty MILF cucking her husband, a fresh-faced teen experimenting with professional sex-having, or maybe something a little freakier, like a family roleplay taboo scenario or some foot-fetish fun?

Skylar Snow looked fucking beautiful in the thumbnail for an AnalMom movie I found while clicking through my options, and well, I couldn’t resist getting a closer look. The 36-minute film opens with logos for MYLF and AnalMom before we see the lovely Skylar cleaning up the kitchen in a tight little red skirt. Two minutes later, she’s rolling around in bed, taking selfies of her naked twat and bejeweled butt plug. Her stepson catches her, and the next thing you know, he's pulling out that plug so he can put something else in there.

It’s sexy, filthy, well-shot and expertly fucked, which is honestly what I expected from the brand. The FuxPorn video player has a download button, and this one seemed like a good candidate for the permanent spank bank. Make sure you bump up the resolution first so you can get the high-quality version, unless you’re low on hard drive space.

Like I said in the intro, it’s a simple gimmick, but holy fucking shit, does it work! Instead of making you settle for short sample scenes and random homemade sex tapes, FuxPorn.com hits you with a massive dose of the good shit. They’ve got an incredible archive of full-length movies from some of the biggest players in the game, and the collection is still growing rapidly. You could easily waste whole days, weeks or months of your life here without ever watching the same video twice. I’m not sure what more you could ask for in a free tube, but let me know if you think of something.