PsstAudio

Psst Audio! One could say I live an overstimulating life. Between work and play, I put my lizard brain through its paces daily. It could be watching 3 Albanian hikers, dressed as the queen’s guard, fucking a cheerleader in the woods using an open golf umbrella till her queefs sound like a didgeridoo. Or perhaps I swing by my local rub and tug for taco Tuesday (see what I did there?). I’m often too lazy to do even that, so I’ll call up my favorite sex line.

I’ve been talking to sluts on the phone for years. Something about the soothing voice of a woman talking about my full balls helps me empty my satchel. It’s a perfect way to drift off to sleep. The problem with bitches on the phone is I have to interact with them in some fashion. I don’t always want to have to talk to some dumb cunt.

ASMR and other all-audio mediums are perfect for these moments. I can get all the filth I need to be pumped through my headphones without having to make human contact. I don’t watch porn to make friends.

Psstaudio is a fantastic place to get your sticky fingers on all the worst (read best) dirty talk. There is little you won’t find on Psst. Site design is basic and familiar. We all recognize that grey and yellow by now. These guys are dedicated to smut for your listening pleasure.

These folks do one thing and one thing only, so there is not much to the site. The main menu has a link to the front page, a search, and a log-in. The front page lists entries recently added.

Above the audio files is a small menu you can use to filter results. This includes showing all audios, scripts, and text. Every selection consists of a link to the author. Many artists are prolific, so if you like something, there is undoubtedly more.

USER GENERATED CONTENT

All the content on Psst is user-generated. These artists are passionate about creating the most original smut that can fit in an ear. The creativity of these people is unbounded. Sometimes I think they must choose three words from a random word generator and go from there.

As I traveled about the site, I found many an exciting plotline. Nothing is too bizarre or extreme for Psst. They pride themselves on posting everything received as long as it doesn’t bully other users. I will go over a few of them here to give you a taste of what the human mind is capable of devising.

FUCK KARENS

The Karen trope is alive and well on Psst. If you want to get a hate fuck in, she is the bitch to do it. These run the gambit from mothers pimping for Girl Scout cookies to “my food came out cold, fuck me.”

Mommy is a huge theme on the site. If it’s somebody’s mom, including your own, she’s getting fucked on Psst. No mom is safe. Your best friend’s mom? Fucked. Your neighbor’s mom? Fucked. Your mom’s mom? Fucked twice.

That opens up to all family members, in fact. I don’t think I saw the word “step” once. Nope, these are blood relatives bitch, deal with it. I don’t even think I saw the word cousin; these are true blue siblings and parents. God bless America.

VIDEO GAMES

Video games are all up and down Psst. As one could expect right now, Lady Dimitresco is omnipresent. Artists have her doing everything from being your mom to growing a massive dick. I bet WNBA players are getting dicked down left and right these days.

Humiliation and shame are huge themes. Often shame is combined with whatever else is happening. If you’re already listening to a story about fucking your mom, you might as well be ashamed about it.

Real-life fantasies are common. Shit like being a rock star, playing a big show, and then fucking all your adoring fans in the green room. Or working on a movie set and fucking the most famous actresses. The theater of the mind is capable of taking us anywhere.

No site full of sexual misconduct is complete without tentacles. They’re coming out of everything in this bitch. They fly out your mom’s pussy, they crawl from the walls, and they ride the train home from work. The fine motor skills of a tentacle are known the world over. You can’t get that kind of dexterity out of a human cock.

Cuckholding weasels its way into just about every scene. Why not add that extra layer of debauchery. It doesn’t take much addition to the script, and it adds so much to the shame. If you’re already getting ass fucked by a tentacle, you might as well make your significant other watch.

L STANDS FOR LABIA

Romance is not totally dead on Psst, but it is treated as a dirty word. Love was the only censored word I could come across. It’s referred to as the L-bomb. It’s usually some shit like a bitches dog dies, the friendly neighbor swoops in to comfort her, and before long, she notices his humungous dong. Then there’s some tension for a moment before they ravage each other. I fill in the rest with head cannon.

I certainly cannot leave out magical fuckery. All types of witches, mages, and wizards slam some pussy on Psst. If I could turn my cock into any size, or for that matter anything, I’d fuck all day. Believe me; these cocks are getting turned into whatever you think possible. That not to mention the staffs, Sepalcure’s, and wands. I suppose any magical implement is a dildo waiting in the rafters.

Magic shit bleeds into wild occult shit also. Demons got to have the best dick in all of religion. It’s part of the job. Burn, pillage, and fuck virgin Christians. It’s the good life we all can only dream of. Fortunately, Psst lets us listen in on the action.

As would be expected, sit-coms do not avoid the Psst treatment. Who doesn’t wanna fuck Hillary from the Fresh Prince? How I Met Your Mother? More like how your mother grew a 9-inch cock and fucked my best friend in front of me.

Fucking someone with AIDS?! Sure, why the fuck not? Magic Johnson seems better than ever.

Now and again, someone confuses this site for Soundcloud. As you can imagine, anyone making that mistake also makes some odd music. It’s generally out there industrial electronica.

If your mind is rotted (of course it is, you’re reading this), then you can find everything you will ever need on Psst. And if for some reason, it doesn’t already exist, many artists take commissions. Nothing gets turned down when you’re a starving artist.

Never has a website had more detailed descriptions of content. Since you can’t have thumbnails of audio, they include everything that happens in the title. As you work your way about the site, you will get a feel for repeated keywords. Psst does have its own language at times.

THANK YOU!

This site would be nothing without its contributing artists. These people put hours of work into bringing you the worst debauchery possible. Pour one out for the real ones. If any of you are reading this right now, let me say thank you on behalf of the world. As long as we perverts are on Psst, that means we are not wandering the streets scaring the ordinary folk.

Even God failed at building the Garden of Eden, so we can’t expect more from a website. There are a few things I would change up if I ran the site. The first thing I noticed is that the front page is only one page. If you don’t have anything specific in mind to search for, you can’t scroll randomly. I got around this by searching for generic terms. Shit like “sex” or “cum".

Many files, but not all, include scripts with the audio. I wish they all did. It’s great for scanning over content before hitting play. I want to make sure this is going where I think it’s going. I can understand why some would feel like this ruins the surprise. I don’t want to get to the end of a 15-minute recording and not get my nut off.

Psst has a fantastic collection of original audio content. When you let the people free to create, the hive mind will provide all you need.