Heavy R

HeavyR, Heavy-R,...? Is this some kind of porn metal band? Well, I don’t even have to tell you that the internet is filled with super fucked up shit. You sick pieces of shit probably know this even better than I do. Wanna see chicks getting double penetrated in their gaping assholes until they shit all over both dicks? You can. Wanna see a dude get tied down while his dick gets swarmed with angry wasps stinging it from tip to base? It’s out there. How about an amputee chick with no legs or arms getting spun around on a hard cock like a dreidel? No problem. There are plenty of sites out there that cater specifically to your darkest, weirdest, most twisted fantasies. Heavy-r.com is one of them.

I’m not sure what the “R” in HeavyR stands for?” There is certainly plenty of it to be found on this tube site just like on CrazyShit. Or maybe it is “R” for “Really, Really Fucked Up Shit.” That would certainly be appropriate for this site that introduces itself on the home page with “Strap on your latex suit, put on your gas mask, and get ready for action. Heavy R is here to please your mind and balls with the most disgusting and mind-boggling fetish porn you want and need!” Whatever the “R” stands for, HeavyR is here to help you “Release” your inner freak, that’s for sure.

With 161,562 videos (and always growing), it is unlikely that you will ever run out of content to make you cringe and cum at the same time. They don’t bother pussyfooting around either at Heavy-R. From the moment I landed on the home page, my eyes were immediately assaulted with some shit I will never be able to un-see. Here are just a few of the captions, to give you a little taste of what I mean: “Fist Fucking Destroyed Prolapsed Pussy,” “French Fries with Cum,” “Pooping Mom,” and “Shit and Cum for Granny.” I’m not even gonna lie, that last one had me feeling a bit queasy.

There are some more conventional videos tossed in the mix here and there as well. Also featured were “Fucking Girl in Pussy and Ass,” and “Big Cum Load on Face in Park.” So, it’s not all shit that could be out of some twisted freak show from Rob Zombie’s nightmares. I guess even the most avid poop eating enthusiasts need to cleanse the palette every once in a while with some good old-fashioned videos of people fucking.

I’m not sure how it works exactly. Maybe they warm up with the normal porn stuff and work their way up to “Cock Wasp Torture?” Or maybe they get themselves good and excited with prolapsed shitty anuses (how else are you gonna get hard?) and then finish it all off with some relatively mild hardcore porn. Either way, if you’re just looking for porn that doesn’t involve simulated torture or fecal matter, you are probably better off trying one of the thousands of other tube sites out there.

But, you know, different strokes for different blokes, I suppose (so long as everyone in these videos is in them of their own free will). I’m not here to judge your sick and fucked up fantasies. I’m just here to review porn sites. And, with that, let’s take a look at how Heavy-R stacks up as a porn site (and I’ll try not to be traumatized in the process).

Straight to the Point Design

Like I said, as soon as you land on the home page, there is no confusion to be had regarding what kind of site you’ve stumbled onto. They waste no time whatsoever in displaying their most fucked up videos, front, and center. The site is, ironically, pretty clean in terms of design—a simple white background with red text and a red banner. Thumbnails of “Today’s Favorites” appear, slightly left justified, in a list as opposed to a gallery format. To your right, you’ll find some smaller thumbnails of recently uploaded videos, top sites that embed Heavy-R videos, and some featured pics. At a quick glance, it just looks like a normal, decently designed tube site.

Up top, you have a menu bar with a “Home” button, “Browse Videos,” “Porn Pics,” “Categories,” “Live Sex,” (links to cams4free.com), and “Upload.” Pretty standard menu bar—useful, straightforward, and simple. To the right of the menu bar, there is a search bar (allowing you to get as creative with your fucked up desires as you can) and a spot to log in or register as a member.

Below this menu bar is a list of popular tags to choose from, set out in alphabetical order, from “Amateur” to “Humiliation” to “Young.” Convenient if you know exactly what you’re looking for and don’t necessarily want to have to navigate into the categories section to find it. Overall, I’d say that the site’s layout is designed pretty well. If you’re not finding anything you like up there in the list of tags and are feeling particularly uncreative, scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to find an even larger list of recent searches.

Mediocre Media Player

But what of the video playback? Well, first of all, as far as the media player itself is concerned: I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse. There aren’t hidden ads on it or anything, and the videos are generally decent quality. I also did not encounter any errors or lags in streaming, so that’s a plus. However, your mouse pointer immediately disappears when you place it over the video (unless you’re on the scrub bar), and I would prefer a timed pointer fade.

There also aren’t any previews on the scrub bar, so you have no way to figure out where in the video you are skipping to without taking a blind leap of faith. It also seems as if you need to register for a premium membership in order to view any videos in HD. Which is absurd. How the hell am I going to see the fine details of the corns in the poop that grannie is gagging on? Shitty.

Still, Some Cool Features

To the right of the video, you have a list of related videos to peruse, with arrows at the top and bottom to load more and go back to previous ones in the list. This is a great feature if you’re ADD like me and like to keep your options open. It always kinda sucks when you click “load more related videos” and then you can’t get back to the ones that showed up first.

In addition to that, there’s a spot below the video for users to “like,” download, add the video to their favorites list, or comment on it. As you can probably imagine, the comments section can be a real fucking shit show. But I guess that is kind of to be expected from a community of people who like to literally watch shows of people fucking shit.

Ads Got You Mad?

Although there doesn’t appear to be any ads to be found on the actual pages of Heavy-R, there is one hefty popup that you get upon your first click into the site. I’m not sure what it was for, but it opened a whole new window and was taking forever to load. Besides, given the nature of the content of Heavy-R, I wasn’t exactly trying to wait around to see what kinds of fucked up things they would be advertising to me anyway. Obviously, no ads would be infinitely better.

But, as far as porn sites go (particularly the porn sites that cater to the demographic of Heavy-R’s users), it could be much worse. I’m used to sites like these having hidden popups and malicious bullshit everywhere you fucking click. So, at the end of the day, I’m willing to overlook one popup. I guess.

Cleansing the Palette

Well, it is definitely easy to say that I, personally, will never be visiting Heavy-R again. But that’s not because it’s a shitty site. That’s just because it’s a shit-filled site. And, call me crazy, but I don’t get turned on by feces. That being said, if you are into the more extreme ends of the pornographic spectrum, Heavy-R is likely a decent resource for material. I say give it a shot if that’s your thing. You know what, just check it out even if it’s not. It is a fascinating glimpse into the human psyche at the very least.

While you’re enjoying your border line fucked up films, I am going to go eat my girlfriend’s delicious, tight, cleanshaven pussy, take a hot shower, and drink away the images that are now burned into my brain thanks to Heavy-R. Happy fapping, you sick, sick bastards.