Vitaly Uncensored

VitalyUncensored! The landing page to this next one spells it out in pretty clear terms, screaming at you in all caps, WILD PRANKS, TITS AND ASS, NO RULES! Hey, that sounds like my kind of joint, and the preview video backs that up: some dude named Vitaly promises pranks on another level, and it seems like most of them involve exposed tits in public. VitalyUncensored.com apparently features stunts like convincing a bum to talk into a female cop’s huge titties, or getting a dude on his way to a job interview to grope some gorgeous stranger in an elevator.

VitalyUncensored is a pretty new site, but they’re already pulling around 8000 visitors a day. Vitaly Zdorovetskiy has been making a shit ton of noise on the Internet for years, though. His YouTube channel has over 1.65 billion views and over 10 million subscribers, with similarly massive numbers for his vlog channel. Of course, those platforms come with a certain number of “community guidelines”, which means you can’t really do the raunchy stuff you and I would like to watch. VitalyUncensored is supposed to represent the prankster at top form, without any censorship or other bullshit to hold him back.

Just Who the Fuck is Vitaly?

The wall of thumbnails below the intro video gives you more glimpses inside. There are chicks with big boobs shooting guns, chicks with huge titties flashing strangers, as well as chicks with enormous breasts licking each other’s ass cracks in public. There’s a babe on the street with a 25-cent blowjob sign and another moaning cutie with a dildo up her twat. One kinky, raven-haired beauty is licking what I hope is just chocolate pudding off another girl’s perfect ass.

The focus on titties, with a sub-focus on booties, is a bit of a contrast from Vitaly’s typical content. The dude first made a name for himself in a 2012 video called Miami Zombie Attack Prank. His next big viral video was called Russian Hitman Prank. It was a tad bit more controversial, getting Vitaly arrested and charged with threatening to detonate a bomb. He did get about 4 million subscribers out of it, so it was probably worth it in the end.

This guy is such a legendary Internet prankster that he’s got his own Wikipedia page listing a shit ton of his exploits. I’m not going to rehash the entire thing here, but most of it hasn’t been sexual. He has gotten arrested for streaking, but you don’t care that much about some Internet dude’s dingdong, do you? Me neither. Let’s find out what kind of T&A is inside.

How Much to Watch Pranks with Boobs?

That landing page really seems like they’re trying to butter me up with all the pictures of beautiful women with their perfect boobies out. There’s also a section listing a bunch of media outlets who have mentioned VitalyUncensored. MTV, CNN, ESPN, and NBC have touched on it, though I have to wonder if they’re dipping back into the archives and counting times Vitaly and his YouTube pranks got mentioned. The website hasn’t been out too long.

The site won’t even tell you how much a membership costs until you give them your email address, which is kind of a shady move on their part. Access is 15 bucks every 30 days until canceled, but they’ve got another shady little twist for people who don’t read the fine print. A pre-checked box offers you “free” access to Mr. Skin, which renews at the standard monthly rate after two days. If you ain’t careful with your clicking, you’re looking at nearly 50 bucks a month for what might just be Jackass with full-frontal nudity.

Episodic Content Featuring Boobs and Maybe Pranks

I have to admit, as a total pervert who sticks to the absolute dirtiest corners of the Internet, I’m not terribly familiar with Vitaly’s YouTube pranks. They don’t even allow anal on that site, making it one of the absolute worst of the big free Internet video tubes. Without any point of reference, I wasn’t sure where to start on VitalyUncensored.

The main member’s screen shows thumbnails from a bunch of episodes. There are pranks like a Russian Hitman beheading a gorgeous topless babe, and another Russian Hitman prank involving a $100,000 transaction and a blonde with a really nice rack. There are episodes featuring the Villain Olympics and some trailer trash parents, each of which also feature ripe young 18+ ladies and their ripe, bouncy melons.

The big image at the top of the screen advertises Episode 39: Villain Olympic Games Part Three. Vitaly is standing at the edge of a pool, and wouldn’t you know it? He’s completely surrounded by beautiful topless woman. I’m sensing a real theme at this site. Weirdly, Vitaly himself is fully dressed, his buff arms aloft in triumph at this gathering of local models.

Let’s Watch The Sexy Fake Olympics

Vitaly introduces the video by greeting the viewers and talking about the fans who flew in to play these games. He’s surrounded by girls wearing only bikini bottoms and doing their best to feign excitement over the pair of thickly accented Scandinavian twins who show up to putt a few rounds of Pussy Golf. Cheesy reality TV music plays in the background, making the entire thing just one more notch over the top.

Pussy Golf involves some light putting around the green as chicks wearing next to nothing squat, straddle, and stretch their bodies out, yoga-style, looking sexy while adding a bare minimum of difficulty to the process. Titty Pong, the next game, is a game thought out with the same level of effort. Vitaly keeps explaining the rules, and everyone keeps cheering, and I guess it’s all good because the girls are gorgeous and you can see their boobs.

The whole episode runs about 10 minutes. The competition is halfhearted and the game stupid, but it seems like everyone loosens up and has more and more fun as the episode runs on. I bet it has something to do with whatever is in those plastic Solo cups they’re drinking from. I bet it’s grape juice. They say the stuff is a great social lubricant and a solid panty dropper.

Okay, Can We Get to the XXX Pranks?

As impressed as I was with that gathering of large jugs, I was curious to see some of this pranking I’d heard so much about. There was one called The Escaped Sex Slave Prank, which sounded right up my alley since I also tried to explain it away as a prank when it happened to me.

Vitaly opens the prank dressed as a park ranger with a blonde chick beside him, ass hanging out of her cutoff shorts and wrists tied by rope. She runs out at strangers, who always offer to call the cops immediately because what the fuck else are you going to do? She insists they don’t, which should be a red flag to anybody, not to mention her porno tits hanging out and the fact that she doesn’t seem hurt at all or even particularly scared.

It’s a pretty interesting social experiment. You can see that everybody is immediately skeptical, but what’s a dude to do when there’s a hot chick, half-naked and offering to do various sexual things to him? As you can guess, every single dude kind of lingers around and you can almost hear him thinking, “Let’s just see where this goes.”

Vitaly does have a certain in-your-face style that has translated to a lot more monetary success that most viral stars can ever aspire to. He’s been able to leverage that stardom pretty well, though it’s hard to tell exactly who VitalyUncensored was made for. His YouTube viewers looking for raunchier, more adult material will probably be happy with the offerings found here. That said, as a guy who mainly reviews porno, the site definitely falls short if you’re looking for something you can actually beat off to.

For fifteen bucks a month, VitalyUncensored might be worth a look to true fans of the dude’s pranks. Keeping that membership on a month-to-month basis might be a hard sell, especially based on the disappointed comments beneath the recent episodes. If you wouldn’t pay that much to watch Jackass with some boobs thrown in, you’re probably going to be disappointed.