Wicked

Sometimes when I’m feeling Wicked, the only thing that’ll satisfy me is something filthy. I’m not saying the wickedness goes away or anything, but I just really love rubbing one out while watching a good dirty movie. Incidentally, I saw some good X-rated parody flicks today that fit my criteria, and I have a feeling you might enjoy them as much as I did.

Wicked.com is a premium porn site specializing in cinematic and parody porn movies. They’ve been around for thirty years now, making them something of an institution in smut, and they’ve had a lot of time to refine their formula for adult spinoffs of the usual box-office blockbusters hitting the megaplexes. The big difference here is that you won’t get kicked out of the theater for shaking your dick at the screen, so their half-million monthly visitors won’t run into the same issue I have at the local AMC. My lawyer says I really have to stop.

These Ain’t Your Usual Blockbusters

The front page of Wicked doesn’t look quite the same as most porn sites. Reality porn has been the dominant form of porno for a couple decades now, and most paysites share a similar aesthetic with cum-drenched thumbnails and simple high-res shots of depraved activities. By contrast, Wicked’s tour page looks like they’re hawking b-movies with a lot of tits.

To make another analogy that won’t resonate with the younger readers, it reminds me more of browsing the shelves at a video store than browsing a porn site. Instead of thumbnails pulled straight from the movies, the preview pics have stylized typography announcing movie titles and stars. Some of them just look like straight-up DVD covers or movie posters, again with more boobies than you ever found at Blockbuster.

The flicks themselves seem to live between both worlds. Some of the thumbs look like they could be generic softcore films, but I’m more interested in Wicked’s parodies of big, famous movies and characters. They’ve got a series called Reckless that looks like a high-octane riff on car chase movies like the Fast and the Furious serious, and a superhero porno called SpideyPool, drawing inspiration from its namesake charaters.

Naked superheroes are big on Wicked.com, as they’ve also produced films like Black Widow XXX, Captain Marvel XXX and Justice League XXX. Not to leave the other nerds out of the mix, they’ve also got Star Wars XXX. I love how the formula sounds as simple as slapping an XXX after a title, but it definitely works. They’ve got a big stack of XBIZ and AVN Awards to prove it, many of them picked up within the last couple years.

They ain’t skimping on any part of the production, and that includes the casting. They’re shooting with a ton of gorgeous, talented pornstars, including lots of famous chicks. Blake Blossom, Ivy Wolfe and Vanna Bardot have all been featured recently, and I even spotted a nice handful of girls who’ve visited me on the PornDudeCasting couch. Queenie Sateen, Nicole Doshi, Ryan Reid and Kenzie Taylor are just a few of the women Wicked and I have in common.

Cheaper Than Hitting the Cineplex

Wicked.com has an impressive tour page, but you know what would be even more of an eye-catcher and a crowd-pleaser? Free peeks. You can hover over a thumbnail for a moving preview, but I really wish they had some free video trailers to watch. I guess they’re just counting on their longstanding name recognition to help sell tickets, but I have to wonder if they’re losing any sales on the gamble.

There’s a three-day trial for three bucks, with regular memberships starting at thirty bones a month. You know, the usual, industry-standard rate you pay for most premium porn outside of the OnlyFans-style content platforms. If you want to save a few bucks, there’s a streaming-only plan for twenty, or a year of everything for $120.

Usually when a porn brand has been around since the 20th century, I get inside the website to find it’s only stocked with their more current material. This is probably just a natural result of the shift from VHS to DVD to online content over the years. Wicked.com bucks the trend, because it looks like they’ve got their full back catalog digitized and included along with the newer stuff.

As of this writing, Wicked.com has over 1000 movies and more than 6000 scenes. The videos are nice and long, too, with scenes typically clocking in between twenty and forty minutes. The movies consist of multiple scenes, so do the math. If you end up with blue balls anyway, you either need some kinky-ass fetish porn or you need to go to the doctor ASAP.

They’re dropping new scenes all the time, too. They don’t seem to have a release schedule written in stone, but put out multiple videos every week. Sometimes you’ve got to wait a few days between releases, other times you’ll get them day after day. They definitely give you plenty of reasons to stop by on the regular while your subscription is active.

A Hotter Black Widow Than Scarlett?

I have a hard enough time trying to decide where to conduct my official fap tests even on newer sites with much smaller collections. Where was I going to begin with this many high-end parody pornoes in the stash? I knew I wanted one of the newer flicks, but that still left so many options. The green chick in She Hulk XXX looked sexy as fuck, as did all the babes in their recent Avengers parody.

Like most parody porn fans, I was particularly drawn to the perverted variations of franchises I enjoy in my non-masturbatory life. I totally jacked off to ScarJo as Black Widow, but Lacy Lennon actually fucks on screen in the role. I clicked through to the full video page, where I saw her riding a cock while sucking another one. That’s when I knew I had to watch it immediately.

It's a hundred minutes long, which ain’t quite as long as the real deal but fucking solid for a porno movie. The long runtimes ain’t the only thing Wicked movies have in common with the big-budget blockbusters, as evidenced as soon as the credits start. The movie opens in a dimly lit warehouse, with a sketchy Eastern European dude in a suit smoking a cigar while a babe is gagged and bound to a chair.

The production is cinematic as hell, with professional camerawork and editing making it feel like a “real” movie. The dialog is over-the-top porno cheese, the first giveaway that this ain’t a normal comic book film. The second major clue is when she starts sucking the dude’s huge cock about nine minutes in. Marvel could learn a thing or two from this writing!

The scene quickly becomes a threesome, with one of the boss’s henchmen getting in on the action. They drill her this way and that, the scene ending with a couple hot blasts to the face. This segues into some superhero shit, with a couple gun-toting babes threatening each other with a different type of hot blasts to the face. By this point, we’re only about a third of the way into the movie, and tranny sex is next on the agenda.

Since downloads are included with the standard membership, I decided to save this one for my permanent offline collection. It’s a long movie, so the files are fucking huge, but smaller than I’d expected. Full HD is 1.43 gigs, and the 4K ultra-HD version is 5.37 GB if you’ve got the space for it. Good thing I just bought a new box to store my porn in.

On the surface, the Wicked.com formula ain’t too complicated. They make parodies of popular franchises, swapping sex scenes for the usual battles and dramatic sequences. What makes the company such a success is how well they do it, with a very polished and professional production style that really does feel a lot like the cinema they’re trying to emulate. If you like parodies but wish they did a little more than just put the girls in funny costumes, you owe yourself a look at what these guys are peddling.