theNude

The Nude has one of those simple, to-the-point names that’s almost bound to be internet gold, no matter what’s actually contained in the domain. Thankfully for all us perverts, they live up to that two-word tease with precisely the kind of material you expect. You’re here for the naked girls, right? Well, step right up and enjoy the show, which starts right now!

These guys get a few million visits a month, which does lend some credence to their front-page claim that “TheNude is the largest and most complete database of cover models, nude art, and erotic photography in the world.” Hell, I’ll stand in line for an hour just to peek at your dirty uncle’s crusty little stack of naked Polaroids, and these guys are offering an even more extensive selection without the wait and funny smell? Just give me a second to grab the lotion.

Gawking at All the Nude Women

Like any site that’s been online as long as this one, The Nude looks old. I’ll never understand why the long-lived porn sites keep the outdated presentation, but then again, why spend money pimping the place out when the girls are still doing all the work of attracting the customers? The layout might look antiquated, but the beauty of the naked female body is a genuinely timeless thing. The caveman cranked off to boobs and butts, and so will the futuristic superhuman of tomorrow.

Things looked good as soon as I pulled up the landing page, the whole thing a veritable smorgasbord of beautiful women. There were tit-flashing brunettes, topless redheads, and fully naked blondes. Black chicks showed off their tatas, Asians exposed their breasts, Latinas displayed their boobs, and plenty of white girls let us see their tits. Age ranges from legal teens to MILFs were covered right from that front-page spread.

It seemed like it’d get even better when I noticed the little slider in the sidebar asking if I’d like some HARDCORE CONTENT. A little box popped up, asking to confirm I was at least 18, and then the page came back into view. Nothing was different right away, but I felt like I’d crossed an important bridge; they weren’t going to hide the best stuff from me, the professional porn hunter.

Overall, it’s a pretty straightforward image gallery setup. You’re not going to get lost here unless this is your first time on the internet, and you’re also old, high, and retarded. The pics out front lead to more specific picture menus of categories like Natural Breasts, Latinas, and Feet, and those, in turn, lead to more pics to get you hard and help you pop a nut into a sock, tissue, or your own filthy hand.

At the bottom of the page, you’ll find a feed showing which of TheNude’s model pages were updated most recently. They’re adding dozens of nudes to the pile every day in an almost non-stop torrent of naked T&A. That’s precisely the kind of growth I like to see on a porn site because it helps excite exactly the sort of growth I want to see in my pants.

How Many Naked Ladies Are We Talking Here?

When you’ve got a twenty-year-old domain adding this much content every day, there are some strong implications about the overall collection size. I’m not sure TheNude.com has been adding The Nude photos this quickly the entire time, but the numbers tell a fucking powerful, moving tale about the triumph of the human spirit—or at least something about the popularity of jerking off.

They’ve got the digits listed right in the top corner of the front page, and I don’t blame them. I’d be proud as hell, too. As of this writing, TheNude has almost 40,000 models posing in nearly 200,000 galleries. If you’re familiar with nude photo sites like MetArt and Femjoy, you know they still count covers like in the days of paper porno magazines. The covers selection is fucking ridiculous here, with over 770,000 to shake your dick at while you’re pretending to work. Those covers are also relevant if you’re using The Nude as a legit database for looking up your favorite models and not just as a website to look at your favorite models while masturbating.

And speaking of sites like MetArt, one of The Nude’s biggest strengths is that they’re drawing material from a fucking shit ton of sources. There’s a dropdown menu of Sites in the header, and it’s so goddamn massive that they’ve broken the thing up alphabetically. Fans of erotic photography will start recognizing favorites right away, from Amour Angels to TeenPornStorage to Girlsway to PassionHD. For those paying attention, yes, they’ve included a lot of big-name hardcore studios in with the classy solo photo outfits.

When I saw PureTaboo on the list, I assumed TheNude had all the major porn categories you find on any of the big sites. The truth is they actually have a surprisingly slim list of categories to choose from. There’s a Model Category page where you can select longhaired girls, brunettes, or Asians, and a Set Category menu with choices like Lingerie, Hairy, and Short Skirt. Unfortunately, there are only 15 Set Categories, which is just fucking weird for any kind of porn site, let alone one with this many photos. That’s going to make it harder for real deviates out there to find ideal fap material.

All Your Favs and Unheard-of Babes

The overall lack of tagging and weak categorization is easily my biggest complaint about TheNude.com as I get ready to begin my official fap test of the site. Quick searches for Blowjob, BDSM, and Lesbian turned up literally nothing, and I wondered if I’d hit that Hardcore Content slider for no reason at all.

They may have fucked up the genre tagging completely, which is why I was so surprised to find some other types of searches available. The site takes itself seriously as a database, so they’ve included advanced searches for models, covers, tattoos, and photographers. These all include filters I’ve never seen elsewhere, like covers from specific sites, tatts on any part of the body, and the photographer’s nationality. So if you’re doing serious homework on these babes, covers, or artists, you’ve come to the right place.

Which honestly begs the question, who’s doing the homework? What percentage of TheNude.com visitors are just here for the free porn, and what percentage are looking up some random stats? As a professional porn reviewer, I’ll sometimes consult the various porn databases around the internet. But, in my personal masturbatory life, I look at naked ladies for the same reason you do.

Somebody built those specialized search engines for a reason, though, and I don’t think it was just for your masturbatory entertainment. I’m guessing TheNude.com gets a fair amount of traffic from photographers and producers looking for talent because the average wanker doesn’t have any use for that info. Fortunately, none of this stuff gets in the way for the visitor just looking for a quick spank break before the wifey gets home.

Personally, I fell down the rabbit hole, starting with a pretty red-haired girl I saw smiling at me from the front page. I clicked her photo, which took me to TheNude’s redhead section, where I found a cute ginger Asian chick named Aine Sayuka. Her profile listed all of her relevant stats, like her measurements, agencies, and social media accounts. I scrolled down to find a few different galleries, with Aine dressed in a swimsuit, as a race queen, and as a sailor girl.

Just for shits and giggles, I looked up Abella Danger, one of my favorites and one of the world’s most famous pornstars. TheNude not only gave me some fapworthy galleries, but an extensive list of stars she’s worked with, published work around the internet, interviews, and a lot more. The info geeks will eat this up, and the regular masturbators are going to love it, too.

TheNude.com has kind of a crusty old layout, but they’ve got a lot to offer. Besides the hundreds of thousands of galleries, they have a lot of info about your favorite nude models. So if you’ve got a thing for a babe you’ve only seen a time or two on some random tube or image site, you may be able to find more of her work through The Nude. You don’t need to be looking for anything specific to appreciate the website, though. With a name like TheNude, I don’t really even need to explain why.