Naked News

NakedNews aka nude news! How many times have you been watching the news and about halfway through the broadcast realize that you didn’t catch anything that was said because you were just staring at the female anchors' mesmerizing rack the whole time? Come on, be honest. I know I can’t be alone on this one. We’re guys, we can’t help ourselves.

Some of these news anchors, man…god damn. Plus, they’re almost always wearing tops that seem to showcase the tits, with a deep neckline allowing for a full sight of maximum cleavage. Some of these ladies seem to just prop their tits up on a podium. How the fuck am I supposed to hear the words coming out of your mouth when your tits are screaming at me to look at them!?

No news is good news. Especially these days, in the clumsy downfall of the American empire. This, of course, only makes it harder for me to pay attention to what that sexy anchor is saying to me. I don’t want to hear about new developments pointing toward collusion with the Russians, or how Trump used his tiny hands to veto a compromise to end the government shutdown. Alongside all the shit I have to deal with in my personal life, it’s just too much fucking stress. I just want that sexy anchor to take her top off. It seems like it might just help to take the edge off.

Obviously, this is never going to happen. America is filled with prudes, protestants, and hypocritical religious zealots and priests who would never allow something as obscene as the female nipple on television. Oh, no, that would be far too inappropriate. Jesus would not be pleased. Now, if it were a little boy, then the priests would be cool with it. Hey, don’t be grossed out by me. I’m just reporting the facts.

Naked News: The Natural Progression

Thank god for Canada, though (I bet that’s something you never thought you’d read on a porn site)! It took a couple of Canadians, Fernando Pereira and Kirby Stasyna, to start the website Naked News in 1999. Naked News is the brilliant answer to the problem I was talking about before, being unable to see your anchor nude. Thanks to NakedNews.com, you can make both your brain and your dick happy at the same time.

It makes so much sense, honestly, I’m surprised it took so long for someone to make it. I mean, think about it: Naked News. It is ingenious in its simplicity. As you may have assumed, Naked News attracted tons of copycats almost immediately. So, today, there is a handful of different takes on this amazing mode of entertainment, including the French Comedie+ and Norway’s Radio Tango, but none come close to comparing to Naked News in terms of quality.

Naked News offers a shit ton of various segments and airs new episodes six days a week. Some of the more popular segments include anchor auditions, naked at the movies, sports, food, and sex and relationships. Other segments include Boob of the Week (eclipsed only by the highly prestigious Boob of the Year, of course), Naked Yogi, Riding in a Car Naked, and Drinking in the Raw. Yes, almost all other segments are equally brilliant in their simplicity.

Site Design Almost as Good as Site Idea

The Naked News site itself is quite good as well. When you log into the members' area, you will have access to a convenient and easy to use the menu bar up at the top of the page. Immediately below, though, you will find a giant media player, all ready to go and loaded up with the day’s episode. Each segment is about five minutes long, and below the media player is a browsable sideways list of thumbnails for easy access to each individual segment of the episode. Scroll down a bit further and you will be met with a list of featured items; this part of the site actually resembles an online news site, each item appears as its own article, with a thumbnail, title and short description.

From the site’s menu bar, feel free to browse the sprawling archives of Naked News. Select either Today’s Show, What You Missed, Blog, Anchors, Archives, Discounts (to other premium adult sites), Live Cams (yes, Naked News has their own cam site), or Store, where you can buy shirts, tanks, mugs, and hats. The merch all looks to be of pretty decent quality, too. My favorite design has printed on it “Fox News” and “CNN,” but both are crossed out; at the bottom of the list, the Naked News logo stands out, unredacted.

The blog looks like it gets updated very frequently as well. Nearly every day. And, what’s more, most of the blog posts come with a sexy video to supplement the story alongside the text. Here, you will find additional stories that may have not made it into the daily show for whatever reason, some extra anchor auditions, quizzes, contests, guest blogs, etc. As if new shows 6 days a week wasn’t enough, with all the blog content, you will never run out of sexy news stories to enjoy.

The What You Missed section is an awesome way to keep members up to date with a site that is constantly updating. In fact, I wish more porn sites would embrace this feature, especially free porn tubes that are constantly updating. Here, Naked News offers you a customized list of everything that was posted to the site since your last login. Thanks to extremely helpful features like this, you never have to be worried about missing content again. I fucking love this!

Sexy Anchors are Respected and Admired

You can also browse content on Naked News by anchor if you prefer. Chances are, once you start regularly keeping up with the show, you’ll probably figure out which girls are your personal favorites. Just click on the Anchors tab for a comprehensive list of not only all the beautiful anchors who regularly host segments, but of all the guest anchors and past anchors as well.

Once you choose the girl you want to check out, you will be brought to an elegant profile page just for her, featuring an enormous banner at the top where she will be posing sexily, some quick facts about her, as well as a considerate and thoughtful bio and every segment she has ever appeared in on Naked News to choose from. Learn your girls’ measurements, turn-ons, turnoffs, specialties (flirting, sensuality, etc.), and hobbies. I love a site that truly respects their models, and I am happy to see that Naked News is one of them.

Poor Fluff to Fap Ratio

As far as porn sites go, however, I’m a little conflicted with how to rate this one. It’s not really a porn site. It’s more a sexy news site than anything else. I love the concept, I love the anchors, and I love the site, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not going to be able to do any serious fapping here. There’s no actual porn to get off to, which is a little disappointing. But, then again, that is not the business that Naked News is in, and they don’t try to pretend like they are in that business, so I can’t really count it too harshly against them. But, having said that, I would definitely like it if there was some sort of segment, at least, that was a little nut-worthy.

In an ideal world, Naked News would offer separate segments in which some fucking occurred. Even if it was softcore. Actually, what would be awesome is if at the end of each show, the news gradually led into hot lesbian action. That is the only thing that I can think of that would make Naked News better; there should be porn!

Surprisingly, porn doesn’t even seem to be a subject touched upon at all in Naked News. There’s not even a porn or adult entertainment section on the site (as far as I can tell). This strikes me as strange. Especially since, even though they may not want to be, Naked News is technically considered a porn site. You’d think they would want to embrace that and work it into the show somehow. This site would lend itself perfectly to interviewing porn stars, no? Both anchor and porn star could chat it up, completely nude. Maybe Naked News is taking themselves a little too seriously as a journalistic outlet.

All in all, I love the concept of Naked News. The anchors are sexy, there are plenty of segments to enjoy, a great and regularly updated blog to follow, the site is well-designed, and the show is produced expertly. The news featured on the site, though, tends to be all fluff; which would be fine if only there was some actual porn to fap to. The more fluff there is, the more fapping opportunities there should be. Less fap, less fluff. But the fluff to fap ratio is pretty bad on Naked News, not gonna lie. Definitely an awesome site, but room for improvement abounds.