What kind of melons are we talking about today? K Melons? What the fuck does that even mean? So many fucking questions, so very few answers. I set out on an adventure today to uncover all of the secrets of K Melons, or whatever her name is. First, let me hit you with some vital information, her name is Makayla. Why Melons? I have no clue. I know that she loves cooking and listening to Alice in Chains. So, here comes the rooster, and that thing is rock hard and ready for Makayla.
One thing you should know is that this is Telescope, and Telescope bitches have no perception of time. I swear, I sent her a message 30 minutes ago, and she has yet to respond. Mind you, I sent this message a little bit past midnight, which is prime time for horny goblins like me to get their nut of the night. It helps me sleep, buddy, and it helps you sleep too.
I'll be honest, her name got me thinking of melons quite a bit. Did you know that melons are closely related to cucumbers? They are basically first cousins, which makes a fuck ton of sense because we compare melons to titties and cucumbers to... well, you get the gist. Maybe there is something here, something that circles back to Darwin's evolution. I bet Darwin looked at cucumbers and compared them to his penis, then proceeded to cut the cucumber an inch smaller than his penis so he could feel adequate. I mean, that guy wrote a whole essay on sexual selection and proved that alpha males have bigger penises, but never regarded himself as an alpha male... Wait, what the fuck am I talking about? This has nothing to do with K Melons.
Double Text For Double The Titties
The problem with K Melons' Telegram is simple: she leaves nothing sexual for your eyes to feast on. Not even a single crumb! All her posts circling around her Telescope feed are taken in her backyard or on a random bridge in the middle of nowhere. How the hell is that supposed to turn me on? Do you know what I messaged her? I told her that she has a nice backyard, and why she chose to name herself after a fruit. These are valid questions. Are they sexual? No, but they are sensible. These are questions that we all want the answers to.
What about my boner, Mr. PornDude? What about it, chump? Your boner is capable of waiting at least an hour for a response. You don't need me to tell you how to stroke it or what to do with it. You can give Makayla that task. She is more than capable of giving you a guided masturbation, but I doubt she is willing to do it without a good reason.
I have to circle back to the waiting time, it's horrendous. It has been well over 40 minutes, and I have DOUBLE texted her, and she has not responded yet. Do you know what kind of torture this is? Do you think I want to sit here and complain over a message? Do you know how low I have stooped to do that? This is not a walk in the park for me either. I have to write a detailed report on her personality, kinks, what she offers, and what she doesn't, but I can't do that without a response from the girls I am reviewing, which in this case is K Melons herself.
I am pretty sure I can get a quicker response from a sun-tanned man who works on a melon farm, and that guy doesn't even have a working internet connection or a phone! Do you know what I did while I was waiting? I watched a whole ass video about the history of melons, saw what a watermelon mega farm looks like, and even listened to Blind Melon's No Rain. At this point, I am out of ideas on how to kill time. I'm tired of watermelon facts and songs. I want to see Makayla's melons, and I want them NOW!
Farming The Melons
Okay, boys, she responded! And we got her on the hook now. She has given me an answer... Her name is Melons because, get this... her husband is Mr. Melons. Jesus Christ... Imagine your last name is Melons. I get that people's last names were usually derived from their occupation back in the day, but goddamit! You can't keep a last name like Melons. Imagine the bartender is serving you a drink and tells you here you go, Mr. Melons. That shit sounds funny to me, but somehow... It's fitting. Because Ms. Melons has grown an impressive pair of melons on her chest, I am more than happy to give her my seed to grow more.
Here is the part that hurts me, Makayla takes too long to respond between messages. It already took her 50 minutes to reply, now she takes at least 5-10 minutes to reply to each of my messages. I feel like that one dude who was invited to a party only to be a wallflower. I get to say a sentence or two, but she doesn't care enough to hold a whole conversation with me. Why the hell is she taking too long to respond? Is she eating melons? Growing them? Selling them on the side of the road and unloading them from her pick-up truck?
There are so many questions, and she barely answered any of them. I don't think I have the patience to sit and wait for her to reply. That doesn't mean we are over, but it definitely means that I am going to take a step back and wait for her to show some damn interest. I want her to put some respect on my name. I am not a cashier that you ignore. I am here to be a paid customer and see her melons. I'm not accepting this kind of treatment, and you bet your ass I am going to scold her for being inattentive.
Can't Take It Anymore
You bet your ass I scolded her. I told her that this shit is pissing me off, and I need a bit more substance and faster reply times. I get that she is a busy woman. She is probably working on a melon farm and planting those seeds in the soil. But can she consider my seeds? Does she have any idea of how much I want to plant my dick inside of her? It's already difficult enough that I have to talk to her through Telegram and not in real life. You see, I am the type of guy who does things the old-school way. I sit her down at a fancy dinner table and work my way to her pants slowly, with smooth words and humor. So this shit? This is unnatural to me.
Enough about me. This is all about Makayla, and I am having a tough time talking to her. I hate waiting for a reply. It ruins the fantasy, the immersion. I can't properly focus on her. Do you know what I learned about her in the past hour and twenty minutes? Absolutely NOTHING! Do you know why? Because she takes her sweet ass time replying to me! I appreciate the fact that she is attainable, that she is here to talk with any horny man that stumbles on her Telescope profile, but fuck it! I'm tired of this cat-and-mouse game. I don't want to chase after a reply. If you are into it, you are into it. End of the story.
So where does this leave us? It's a tight spot for sure. My experience with K Melons has not been pleasant. I have TRIED to talk to her for a while, instead... I ended up waiting. This is not how it should be. It's supposed to be fun and engaging. Instead, it feels like I am waiting in line at Walmart on a busy Saturday. You don't mind waiting? Give Makayla a shot. You want someone who will reply? Steer clear of this one, bro.
