Here we are with someone who's named Victorya, and that someone has a fat ass. Don't ask me anything else about her. I genuinely don't know who she is or how the hell she got this famous, but apparently, she has over 3 million followers on Instagram. And she has daily affirmations in her bio that read, "bipolar pretty delusional sexy crybaby princess," which sounds like a complete fucking meltdown to me. And why are we here today? Oh yeah, she is on Telescope and apparently has a Telegram profile. What use does it have? I have no fucking clue. She has an OnlyFans, and if you ask me, that's where all the good stuff lies. Telegram is more of a business casual app. I never in a million years imagined that I would use it to buy nudes from a girl named Victorya.
But here we are, magic does happen, and let's see how it works. Who am I kidding? It's all pretty straightforward. When you open Telescope, you have a message and a share button. You'll never use the share button because who the fuck are you going to send her to? I think this is by far the most useless feature on Telescope. It's almost as useless as windshield wipers for glasses. Actually, no, it's more useless than that. Anyways, if you open your eyes and actually pay attention, there is a feed of posts that you can scroll through on Telescope. Now, I'll be honest, every single post Victorya has here is all just her ass. Either she's jiggling or shaking her ass.
Nothing impressive. I'm not going to sit here and act as if I've never seen a big butt move in my life. I see it every day, at least 10 times a day. And I am genuinely uninspired. I would rather be doing anything else than this. But hey, anything for journalism, am I right?
Albert Einstein Was Right
Seriously, though, all I want to do is lie down, drink some beer, smoke some cigarettes, and stare at the night sky. But after looking at Victoria for so long, I'm pretty sure that all the stars will align in the shape of her ass. And that gives me nightmares. And I know most of you will marvel at that sight, but not me. I'm fucking stressed out of my mind. Porn is good. Big ass and big titties are amazing. But you don't want to overdose on them. It kills the fun. It's no longer interesting or intimate. It's all just a big nothing, a means to an end. Wait, what am I talking about? What I meant to say is I messaged Victorya. I double-texted her because she is not replying. And I don't even want to have this conversation anymore. But basically, every woman I've texted on Telescope just doesn't reply.
They take hours, 30 minutes, whatever. The point is, they take their sweet time replying. Every time I hop on Telescope for the likes of Victorya, I start thinking about Albert Einstein, specifically for one reason, because he said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. And here I am with his wise words echoing in my head. And I'm already judging my boner. And I'm pretty sure that up until now, no one has mentioned Albert Einstein and a hard raging boner in the same sentence. But I've done it. And this is living proof that I'm bored to death waiting for Victorya to respond to my message.
Don't Call Me Silly
It has been some time, and Victorya, the Victorious of the Victorian crematorium, has decided to respond to me. And since I didn't mention it earlier, I asked her, "Who the hell are you? And where the hell did you come from?" I was genuinely intrigued. She says that she's just a regular girl and that she posts spicy content. And then she hit me with a line from Joker. And she asked me, "Why so serious?" which I find ridiculously funny. And she definitely was not thinking of Joker while she said that. Or who knows, maybe she was watching The Dark Knight Rises, but instead of The Dark Knight Rising, it's something else that's rising. And then she followed it up with a masterpiece that said, "You're talking to me on Telegram, silly." Now, I don't appreciate being called silly. I am a silly goofy guy, sure, but that's third base for me. No, it's fourth base for me. Silly is reserved only for the closest of my people.
Not even my immediate family gets to call me silly. I felt violated. So, I made sure to tell her that I'm not silly. I'm just goofy. Let's actually skip to the fun part, which is more or less the pictures and videos that Victorya sells. I know that's why you're here. So let me just get it out of the way and over with. You need Telegram stars. We've had this discussion before, also. If you've read any of my previous Telescope reviews, just have some money on your wallet card, a stable internet connection, purchase Telegram stars, and use them to buy nudes. It's simpler than grade school math.
How many do you need? Well, preferably more than 500, because a single short video, like a 30-second video from Victorya, can cost you 500 stars. And 30 seconds is not enough for me to get the job done. If you're one of those unlucky fellows who finishes in 30 seconds, well, Victorya has just made you feel lucky because you don't have to spend money. However, you should consider investing in a numbing cream or a dick guillotine, because at that point, what the heck is even the point of having a penis? And I'm not trying to shame you here. It's all in good fun. Be a good sport.
No Extra Stuff
On a serious note, I don't even see anything useful on Victorya’s Telescope that I can talk about. Like genuinely, we went over her posts, we went over her messages, we went over the fact that you never share her Telescope profile because you're a lonely ass degenerate that sits at home all day. So what's left?
Well, absolutely nothing. I know that sounds anticlimactic, and I understand why you would feel disappointed, but there is literally nothing else you can do. It's Telegram. You're here to chat. People use this app to chat. Did you expect some ultra-premium features, personal voice notes, or custom content? If yes, then I feel bad for you. There's none of that here. Victorya does none of that on Telegram. If you want that, just go to her OnlyFans page. I'm telling you, Telegram is not a pornographic platform.
I don't even know what women like Victorya are doing here. Shouldn't their Telegram contact be saved for business inquiries, modeling gigs, or whatever it is that she does? Why is it shared with every simp on the internet? Look, I can sit here and discuss the absurdity of it all for days. But I don't want to spoil your fun. Go get your feet wet and experience this shit for yourself. There's nothing to lose other than time. And if you have plenty of time, then congratulations, you're unemployed, and I'm going to jump scare you with a job application. Okay, I am not a magician, I can't just whip out a job application out of nowhere... not in this economy. But seriously, I would rather stick my dick in peanut butter than bother messaging Victoriya if I were in your place. Not because she is dry, it’s because she doesn't stimulate me in any way, not sexually, not mentally. I know, I know... I sound like a chick complaining about lack of foreplay in the bedroom, but it's true. If she can't get me off, then I can't get on her Telescope profile, simple as that!
