I woke up for this shit. Yeah, I was having the time of my life sleeping soundly. It has been God knows how long since I've closed my eyes and stopped looking at Telescope babes on my monitor, but I finally did it somehow; I fell asleep. Obviously, I just had to wake up. I had to write about Bonnie Locket. In case you don't know who she is, then I assume you've never been on Instagram, OnlyFans, or even YouTube. I mean, she is famous because she made an appearance with the Sidemen. Yeah, the little British group with KSI in it. But she had a massive following before that whole ordeal. So now she is on Telescope, or rather, Telegram.
What's she doing here? I don't know, collecting an army of desperate, horny men, selling nudes, does it matter? Whatever the reason may be, she's not here for a wholesome adventure of cuddles, kisses, and holding hands. If she is on Telescope, then she has to be here for a non-family-friendly reason.
I'm feeling zen today. I'm not going to lie. I'm not even in the mood for flirting and nudes. All I want to do is put on my PJs, grab some popcorn, and binge-watch some random comedy show for the entire night. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel forced to work like a horny monkey on the treadmill? Bro, I swear, I'm dropping all my evening plans for Bonnie Locket here, and that's not even an understatement. I'm investing the last 20% of energy I have in my constrained body just to write a simple, "Are you real?" and send it to Bonnie. I sound like a Mormon who was given a car for his 40th birthday, very dismissive at first, but deep down inside, I know I want to do this. I know I want to get lost in an adventure with the one and only Bonnie Locket.
No Horny Immersion
Just like every rodeo I've had on Telescope, this one is no different. Bonnie Locket does not reciprocate. She's not matching my energy. It's not because of something she did. It's because of the things she doesn't do, like responding to me for the first 30 minutes. Why does every Telescope star have to be so dismissive?
Look, I understand the game they're playing. I understand that this is just another way for them to drain money out of my pocket. They know I'm horny. And they know I eat this shit up. So they're cramming their busy schedules like Bonnie here, creating a Telegram account, so they can respond to me with the most open-ended and basic answers/replies out there. It's not immersive at all. Bonnie, I have spent ungodly amounts of time watching you work that dildo, having it explore every cavity of your vagina like a horny spacecraft on an obscure mission in space. At this point, I know your insides more than you know them yourself. So why do I have to wait for a response this long? Look, I'm not even going to bother complaining anymore.
I've had this meltdown so many times by now, I feel stupid for falling for it again and again. I'm like a 20-year-old chick with daddy issues, who always settles down for men who don't treat her right, except I'm a grown-ass man who keeps chasing girls out of his league.
Cold And Dismissive
Let's cut through the bullshit. Bonnie Locket responded to me, and she's sassy. I think she got mad at my question. I just asked if it's really her, and she said, "Do I need to prove I'm real? What do you think?" Obviously, I told her to hold eight fingers and take a picture.
At this point, she's livid. She said, "I'm not doing a silly test like that. I can show you something way more interesting. What's your name?" Now this, this is a red flag for me. Whenever a Telescope girl asks me for my name, I see red. I want to rip the monitor in front of me and throw it out the window, Michael Scott style. To anyone who has never read a review about Telescope before, and I'm talking about my reviews, you're probably confused and scratching your head like a primitive ape. Well, let me explain. These telescope bitches, they have no fucking chill. Something is incredibly wrong with them.
They always want to know your name, and they never stop. If you give them a bogus name, or you say something as I did, something like, "I'm Dr. Martin, and I'm here for your annual gynecology exam, please tell me when you're ready," they're going to say something like, "Ha ha ha very funny. Now what's your actual name?" And this is when I get pissed off. I'm trying to be funny here to keep shit playful, and I'm getting rejected worse than a desperate fat chick on a dating site. Whatever flow I had in my mind, whatever fantasy, it's now completely ruined because Bonnie Locket won't shut up about my name. It feels like I'm signing up for some sort of scam.
Everything I say is dismissed by this one sentence: "What's your name?" Imagine if you did this. YOU, at your workplace. Let's pretend you are a cab driver for a minute, and a customer enters your cab, and they tell you, "I want to go to fuckland, will you please take me there?" And you say, "Ha ha okay what's your name," and then dead silence. You don't start driving until they tell you their name. How do you think the person would feel?
Value Your Time
This is downright psychopathic behavior. We are just two people talking on the internet. Names could be literally anything. That's why we have usernames.
Why is Bonnie Locket and every living bitch on Telescope so interested in my goddamn name? I feel like I'm talking to a robot when this happens. Yeah, you heard me, not a real person, a robot. How do you even proceed after you've been asked to state your name at least seven times?And I directly confronted Bonnie Lockett about this. I told her no, I don't want to give you my name. It's my name. I can do whatever I want with it. And then this bitch started guilt-tripping me. She kept saying that she was trying to get closer and more intimate, to get to know me. Yeah, you could have asked something different. If I like pineapple on pizza, for example, not my fucking name, there are at least 20 other ways that you can get closer to someone and start a conversation, other than redundantly asking for their name.
Look, it's obvious that I'm frustrated, and I'm taking a break away from the keyboard, away from the "what's your name" messages. I am aware that Bonnie Locket is damn sexy and that she's going to provide me with what I need on Telegram. She knows the real reason I'm here. We are not beating around the bush here. But why does she have to make this process so painfully frustrating?
Look, for the sake of my sanity, I am going to leave this shit to you. If you feel comfortable giving out your name to Telescope's Bonnie Locket, then be my guest and do it. You can even write her name on your belly and jump on one leg while flapping like a bird. Fuck do I care. What you do is up to you. But if you agree with me on this one and you feel my frustration, then I beg of you: Do not waste your time talking to Bonnie Locket or anyone on Telescope who redundantly asks you about your name. You've got other shit to do, right? Go do your dishes, clean your room, and throw out the trash. It's far more worth it than giving out your name to a stranger with big boobs.
