Damn, we reeled in a big fish today. Yes, pun intended. It's Alexa Collins. She is the world's most popular swimsuit model. And don't act like swimsuit models are not sexy. I still have nasty posters in my room that are covered in jizz, featuring the likes of Tyra Banks. Do you know how much time I have spent looking at that poster, being completely mesmerized by the curves, the colors, the way her nipples are poking out of the bikini? And no, I'm not simping here. I just have a special place in my heart for swimsuit models. And don't lie to me! I know the only reason you hit the gym is so you can have a beach body and pull a sexy chick in a skimpy swimsuit.
Look, my only expectations here are the ones you already know of. That is, if Alexa brings a quarter of her modeling energy to her chatting on Telegram, then I will die a happy man. But I've been on Telescope long enough to know that this sounds like a pipe dream. Expecting a model on Telescope to be interesting is worse than offending Robert Downey Jr.'s rags-to-riches story. And I'm not saying this from the perspective of a judge. I'm not the king of personalities. But if I spend 40 seconds thinking about a message and perfectly crafting it, I expect to be met with the same energy.
Let's take it one step at a time. I already sent Alexa a message five minutes ago, and I basically said, I don't want you in a bikini, I want you without it. Look, I'm taking it to third base. I can see pictures of her in a bikini with one Google search, but I can't see her naked, unless I ask her to do me a favor, which in this specific case involves indulging my depraved fantasies. However, what I would really like is a pack of beer and a stress-free evening. I've been working nonstop, bringing you these Telescope reviews that I wrote with one hand, and the other one is busy doing the dirty deed. Do you think that's healthy? I'm basically holding my dick hostage here and forcing it to watch porn all day with me. Do you know how much blood travels to an erect penis? Now imagine having it erected permanently because your job is to look at stunning models on the internet that'll never breathe the same air as you in real life. It's draining, pun intended, in the best way possible.
The Validation
Anyways, Alexa here doesn't even need to send me nudes, and this is not a matter of free will, it's just a fact. I can get just as aroused looking at her Telescope posts.
The nudes are there just to elevate the fantasy, or in other words, elevate your dick to a higher plane of existence. Maybe it'll grow a third eye. The tantric sex books have never dealt with this conundrum because they've never seen Alexa Collins with their own eyes. I have, and I'm telling you ahead of time, you don't even need this Telescope bullshit to have fun with Alexa; you can be a creepy, sexy admirer that just wanks to static pixels of her gorgeous body. No one's judging.
The only reason why I messaged her is out of curiosity, and not the horny kind. I just want to feel what it's like talking to her. You know how people claim that they have talked to God in their dreams? Yeah, I want to emulate that feeling, except I don't believe in God. I believe in the mystical figure of Alexa Collins, whom I only know from pictures and the internet. Am I going to have a spiritual breakthrough talking to her? Hell no. I'm not on a mission to change the world or end world hunger. I just want to have a good time with my dick in one hand and the lube in the other. Is it too much to ask for that?
Humanity's Downfall
Well, apparently, nothing is too much for Alexa, because she immediately hit me with, oh, you sure you're ready for that? And sent me a picture. A picture that I have always dreamt of. Her naked body was spread out right before me. But it's not like this picture came for free; it costs 229 Telegram stars, which is basically a fuckload of pocket change. Other, less famous Telegram chicks have asked for far more just to see them naked. And Jesus fucking Christ, I feel like a tool discussing prices on the naked human body. This shit is supposed to be intimate. It's supposed to be special. Instead, now, every Dave in the universe with a boner and some money in his credit card can see one of the hottest swimsuit models to live naked.
Bro, we're cooked. Our society has fallen into the depths of depravity. There's no turning back now. If God decides it's time for Armageddon again, do you think the majority of humans are going to flock and fight for their place on the ark? Fuck no. They're going to sit there waiting for the flood, jacking off like a bunch of mindless zombies. And eventually, they are going to create a tsunami of semen. That's how fucked up we are.
Man, fuck this. There is no point in discussing humanity's downfall when you have Alexa available at your fingertips. The only thing standing between you and her is a busy schedule, which I'm not judging. She's a swimsuit model. She has an actual career, an excuse to respond late. That's far more than the other Telescope bitches can say, whose only job is to entertain horny people on Telegram, and they fail at it miserably.
Look, the truth is I'm going easy on Alexa. I have a soft spot for swimsuit models. When I look at her, it reminds me of the good old days when life was not difficult, when I didn't have to drink beer and pop pills just to sleep. All I had to do was look at a poster of a swimsuit model and jack myself off into dreamland. She gives off that vibe. It's like she genuinely learned from the greats before her. When Newton said that he was standing on the shoulders of giants, Alexa here took it way too literally and started standing on top of the bikini industry, like a sexy goddess who rules over the world. And do you know what she sees from up there? A bunch of horny losers with their dicks out, jacking off into a napkin like complete morons. All because she decided to do a couple of photo shoots and utilize her irresistible energy.
The Potential Is There
So where does this leave us? I mean, she's already on Telescope, so why not take the chance? It's not like you're going to find anything better on this platform, at least not in the swimsuit model category. Plus, it's not like Alexa here leaves you high and dry. Sure, you may lose the boner if you're waiting for too long, but then again, most of her over-sexualized pictures are already on the internet and in famous magazines. If you're here only for the jerk-off material, then you're kind of shooting yourself in the foot.
There's so much potential here. You can talk with Alexa all day, you can ask her interesting questions, maybe even do a horny Telegram interview where you jack off to her life achievements and ask her how she copes with so much male attention on a daily. The possibilities are truly endless. And I know many of you are questioning her validity. Is this the real Alexa, or am I talking to a chatbot? Well, I'll let you be the judge of that. I just shared my entire experience here, and the only possible conclusion I can arrive at is that I don't care. I know that sounds cynical, but it's the truth. And if Alexa doesn't rock your boat, then you can choose from a plethora of other bitches on Telescope. It's not like there is a shortage of them. As long as they are on the internet and they have a Telegram, they'll be on there.
I know Alexa is special in her own horny swimsuit way, but when it comes to the porn industry and the whole reason why we're here, she's just another drop in the ocean. What truly matters is that you come in with already existing fantasies and dirty intentions. The more explicit, the better the experience is going to be.
