RateMyRack

Breasts are amazing in all of their many shapes and sizes. Big, medium, small, and flat. Perky, low, or hanging. Nipples of every color, form, dimension, and length. If any ladies are reading this shit for some odd reason, know that they're awesome no matter what your boobs look like. Tits are like pizza; you can only fuck it up so much. Even old saggy granny tits can get love. Not from everyone, of course. I'm not fucking any grandmas, but once I'm an old fuck, you can bet I will be. I'm turning the nursing home into my own personal brothel.

That's why you'll find all manner of tits on r/RateMyRack. Many ladies are self-conscious about their boobs. One visit to r/RateMyRack and those concerns would subside. All the mama milkers on r/RateMyRack get good reviews.

Sometime Bigger is Better

That being said, men find giant fucking globe-sized tits particularly hypnotic. That's why you'll find so many on r/RateMyRack. I know I've found something special when a titty makes my head look tiny. Something to be admired and relished like a fine wine. Unreasonably Enormous mama milkers reach deep into a man’s essence and tickle his balls as if a sprite had stowed away inside his testies. It’s a hack, a short circuit. They're impossible to ignore. Gigantic melons require our attention, even if it means great bodily risk.

What is it about fat coconuts that men can't get enough of? You'll find plenty of reasons in the comment section of r/RateMyRack, but the real answer is your DNA. It’s all evolutionary. A large rack implies reproductive health. Bombastic bazongas don’t help a bitch hunt, gather, or grow food, so If a lady is hauling around two soccer balls, it shows she has the supplementary resources to sustain superfluous body parts. It’s a classic tactic used throughout the animal kingdom. Think of antlers. The whole point is to show you're healthy enough to waste a bunch of calories on some stupid shit like headgear.

Unfortunately, as you can see on r/RateMyRack, not every lady is born endowed with abundant titty meat. Worry not, good people. Science has the answer. Men are uncomplicated beasts. We don’t give a shit if you grew those bad boys yourself or not as long as they are unreasonably massive. Just shove some filler in those babies and pop a nipple in my mouth.

'Merica

The first whores to play around with the idea of breast augmentation were literal whores. It was Japanese hookers looking to lure in American customers. These ladies of the night noticed that American soldiers preferred the company of a lady with huge boobs. To meet the measure, they injected industrial silicone directly into the titty meat—a bold move to say the least. Gotta make that paper, boo boo.

I imagine it will be no surprise to you that a dude invented the modern breast implant. The privilege and glory of developing breast augmentation go to Thomas Cronin and Frank Gerow. The lucky cock sucker to obtain those new tits was Texan Timmie Jean Lindsey. A true trailblazer. At twenty-nine, she was a divorced mother of six, a condition also known as cock repellant. Her tits were saggy, sullen, and sunken. Her gash was devastated by birthing six humans, and her disposition was sour. Her options were to never bone a man again or un-flop those slob knockers.

Almost fifteen long years later, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration regulated the use of breast implants. Fake tits were official, baby. They were still early in development, though. It was risky to try out the new procedure. Many bitches grumbled about health issues connected with the surgery. For the next thirty or forty years, the safety of titty implants was hotly contested.

That's not the case anymore. You'll find a nice blend of natural and enhanced tits on r/RateMyRack. I'm glad doctors stuck to their guns and kept evolving the breast implant into the world wonder it is today.

Some countries even banned them for a time. Fortunately, for r/RateMyRack, the procedure was all but mastered over the next thirty or forty years. I don’t want to live on a planet where a woman can’t expand her breasts to whatever size she sees fit. I’m here to support women’s rights in this matter all the way to the end. Protests? Sign me up. Riots? I’m there. Illegal voting practices? I have a decent printer.

Sweet Baby Jesus

This mastery is best displayed by the German model Mayra Hills, also known as Beshine. At the ripe young age of twenty-seven, she holds the record for the most massive fake rack. These things are fucking indescribable. Each tit weighs a mind-blowing twenty pounds and contains ten fucking liters of saline. That's five two-liter sodas per boob. She literally can’t crawl. Each breast is about the size of four watermelons.

If you titty fucked this cunt, your dick would come out looking like it traveled through a Play Dough extruder. I dare you to motorboat this bitch. It would sound like a fucking jet taking off. I doubt you'd have any skin left on your face afterward. Fucking her from behind would turn her tits into a science experiment testing if every action truly has a reaction.

If she breastfed, her milk would be pure butter. If one boob gets pricked by a pin, it will deflate with such force that the saline could cut through reinforced concrete. If you punched one, the rebound would send your fist back to the sender with the power of a Bruce Lees. Every time she visits a Chiropractor, the Doctor kills himself afterward. She can’t fuck missionary because if she lays on her back, her heart stops.

Nowadays, estimates suggest that about four percent of women have breast implants, or about one hundred and fifty million bitches. That’s a lot of fake titty meat. What a blessed time to be alive. It means there is tons of content rolling in for subreddits like r/RateMyRack.

A Pro At Work

I'd say it's time to start rating some of these racks. I'll start at the top of the hot list with the post "Be Honest, Please." This baby has some massive, pillowy, and natural mama milkers.

There are two extremes in the way that breasts connect to the chest. Some boobs make a connection all the way around the perimeter, such as Asa Akira. This leads to extra perky tits that don't move as much.

Others connect only at the top of the breast, such as the bitch in this post. Finally, you have ladies that sit somewhere in the middle, like Eva Elfie. Personally, I have no preference. I'm an equal-opportunity nipple sucker.

I rate these tits an 8/10. I love the large nipples. What is it about large nipples that are so fun to suck on? The flesh is so soft and tender. I love it.

Next up, we have "Give it to Me Straight, Babe." It's a titty-drop post, which I can't get enough of. I could watch titty drops all fucking day long. They're mesmerizing. I've lost whole weeks to watching titty drops.

However, this post is barely a titty drop. Her boobs are so perky they only fall an inch or two. And that's not because they're small. It's because they connect to the chest all around the perimeter. I give this lady an 8.5/10. I'd love to spend all day treating those tits like queens.

That brings me to "Huge Mommy Milkers Dangling Over Your Head, what's My Honest Rate?" This bitch isn't lying about the dangling. The camera is sitting on the floor looking up as this mommy swings her hangers back and forth like the sponge strips in a car wash.

Her nipples take up almost the entire front of her boobs. They are so weighty that I imagine shaking them like this hurts the skin. And let's not forget about her poor spinal cord.

I give these guys a 6.5/10. I took a point off for the downward-facing nipples. However, I would still fuck the shit out of this cunt. Despite having a mask on, I can tell she knows how to handle a dick from the look in her eye. She's a penis vet.

Boobs are one of the most universally loved objects on the planet. Even straight women and gay men love boobs. They're just so fun to look at and touch, especially with your penis.

As with many porn subreddits, I find myself asking where all the black, Latin, and Asian bitches are? White chicks are great and all, but I love everybody. Give me some variety.

It's time to put years of porn watching to work by rating some amateur boobs. Have fun, guys.