Breed Me

“Breed Me” is the kind of phrase you love to hear coming out of a beautiful woman’s mouth, even if you have no intention of actually knocking her up. I’ll leave the ramifications of pregnancy to the family planning forums and mom blogs, because I’m a whole lot more concerned with the initial act of pumping a lady full of sperm. Given the fact that you’re reading about a porn site on the world’s most popular porn review directory, I bet your interests are largely in line with my own. Save the ultrasound talk for another day and another time—let’s talk about creampies!

It doesn’t take a professional masturbator or obstetrician to guess what BreedMe.com is all about, though the cattle ranchers might get a little confused if they’re looking to buy some bull semen online. The site in question calls itself The Ultimate Breeding and Insemination Site, which is a fancy way of saying they’re peddling premium medical-themed creampie pornos. Dirty doctors and sexy nurses are arguably some of the most classic porno tropes, so I was eager to take a look and see what kind of spin they put on the scenarios. Now, where’d I put my speculum?

“Breed Me,” She Said to Her Physician

I figured I was in for a treat when I saw the title, and the tour page of Breed Me only got me more excited. I was greeted immediately by a big image of a doctor jizzing inside a hot little blonde chick, spread eagle on the exam table while a naked redhead assists. Scrolling down, the rest of the thumbnails hinted at similar sordid tales of medical malpractice. Dudes in white jackets were examining vaginas with their mouths and dicking down patients everywhere I looked.

I don’t know how they screen their patients at this clinic, but there ain’t an uggo among the bunch. The site’s shooting with some truly gorgeous pornstars, and regular porn consumers will likely recognize a few faces and mammary glands. I even spotted some of the babes I’ve banged over on the PornDudeCasting couch, like Lana Smalls, Summer Vixen, and Jessica Starling. They’ve clearly got good taste around here if I do say so myself.

I clicked the thumbnail of Jessica helping guide the doctor’s fleshy instrument into her twat. Unlike so many other paysites these days, BreedMe.com offers free video samples. The 70-second trailer opens with a creampie dripping out of Jessica while the doctor and nurse helpfully try to help her keep it inside. After the flash forward, we get a little montage of her full visit, which includes titty sucking, pussy sniffing, and an oral exam before they begin the actual breeding.

The whole thing is wrapped in the kind of cinematic cheesiness you expect from this type of classic porn setup. Everyone’s got this comedic air of professionalism, with lines like, “I have these huge breasts, and I just think they’d be so good to breastfeed,” followed by a demonstration. The camerawork is clean and steady, giving it more of a real movie vibe than the “bystander with a camera” format of all that reality porn you’ve been beating off to.

Way Cheaper Than Knocking Someone Up

The trailer for Jessica’s Breed Me flick was enough to lure me to the signup page. I expected them to charge thirty bucks a month like every other paysite, but it’s actually cheaper than most premium sites. The standard monthly rate is just twenty bones, with discounts if you spring for a longer membership. The yearly rate breaks down to just under eight bucks a month, which is fucking solid.

It gets better, too. BreedMe.com is part of a network of sites, so you get access to over a dozen sites with your membership. They currently offer it as, “Free Access to 13+ Sites,” but speaking from masturbatory experience, these networks tend to keep adding new offerings to the pile. The current spread includes joints like TeasePOV and MYLKED, which I’ve reviewed here at ThePornDude. You get some nice variation in genres with the package, so you certainly ain’t limited to movies about doctors inseminating their patients.

The BreedMe.com signup page promises new scenes every week. The site only launched earlier this month, but they’ve kept up that promise so far, as well as dropping a handful of flicks in the opening days to front-load the stash. Considering you’re getting access to so many sites, though, you should get a hell of a lot more than just one new movie a week. They just won’t all follow the BreedMe theme.

On a similar note, there are ten Breed Me movies in the catalog as I write this. That’s a small number by any measure, but remember, they’re a brand new site. With the weekly releases, additional paysites and the low-priced membership, you get plenty of fapworthy bang for your buck. If you somehow end up with blue balls anyway, you may be masturbating wrong.

Professional Advice on Getting Pregnant

Even with just ten fuck flicks to choose from, I wasn’t sure exactly where to begin my official fap test of Breed Me. The menu looked so appetizing that I knew I’d be back for seconds later, but what about now? Do I watch Adriana Jade getting a double creampie pregnancy, watch Theodora Day cuckold her blank-shooting husband while he watches, or watch the rest of that Jessica Starling movie they teased me with out front? These are the kinds of serious dilemmas I face every day in my role as a licensed porn researcher.

Ultimately, it was the thumbnail of Penelope Woods in the most recent release that drew me in for the full version. Dropped just yesterday, Tight Pussy Fucking is the twenty-minute tale of a hot brunette looking to get preggars and seeking professional help with the matter. I clicked the Play button and was greeted by a BreedMe logo before the doctor and nurse introduced themselves to their patient.

“So here’s the thing, I don’t really have any luck when it comes to men,” begins the absolutely gorgeous pornstar, setting the stage with very realistic dialog. She wants to have a huge family, so she inquires about sperm donors. The physical begins right away, with a full breast exam after Penelope strips down to nothing. “Great circulation to the nipples,” remarks the nurse feeling her up. By the four-minute mark, Penelope’s got her legs up in the stirrups while doc probes her with his finger. The taste test is inconclusive, so she’ll have to keep coming in.

Speaking of cumming in, the doctor is revealed to be one of the clinic’s primary sperm donors. “Doctor, can I ask you something? Do you find me to be very breedable, perhaps?” You can probably guess the answer to that, as well as what happens next. In case you’re a bit slow, I mean he starts raw dogging her. “I feel so happy that this is finally happening,” says the patient as he pokes her cervix. “I feel like this is definitely going to work.”

There’s a good balance between comedic storytelling and hardcore fucking. I wasn’t even halfway through the flick when I decided I wanted to keep this one for my permanent spank bank, so I hit the Download button beneath the video player. Members can download full movies or segments of them, which adds a little more convenience if you’re only interested in keeping your favorite bits. A lot of paysites have been phasing downloads out lately, a returning trend that I’m blaming on OnlyFans. It’s nice to see a new site including what used to be a standard perk.

BreedMe.com is one of the better premium sites I’ve reviewed this week. I love their take on the timeless dirty doctor scenario, infusing some beautifully made pornography with a fun, lighthearted tone that just flows so damn well. The relatively low number of BreedMe videos might be a dealbreaker if it was a standalone site asking the same thirty bucks as every other paysite, but the cheap ticket and inclusion of a dozen other brands really rounds out the deal. They’ve got plenty of free previews, so check those out and see what they do for you. If you’re into creampies and hospital porn scenes, I think you’re going to enjoy yourself.