Unless you’re a shut-in incel with otaku tendencies, I’m sure that you all have some sort of story with friends, at work, or in your work life, which is so bizarre it was like being in a movie. I’m sure most of us also have strange or embarrassing stories involving you and a significant other.
When it comes to some of us, those tales are as simple and a little chuckle-worthy as farting in bed.
Be sure to buckle uptight folks, and I hope you aren’t eating or drinking while reading this. These stories range from spit take inducing funniness; others have a more puke producing fucked up factor.
“A Captive Audience for a Cat Grant Lookalike & A Real Blue Girl” with Jessica Drake
If you haven’t heard of or seen Axel Braun’s comic book porn parody films, you should give them a look. They’re all packed with some of the best spoof smut and, even if you don’t find them erotic, are about as funny as some of the stories we talk about.
I know for sure that there is a lucky crew in Los Angeles who will certainly back me up when it comes to Braun’s Supergirl XXX parody.
To give you the full rundown, Ms. Drake (portraying a parody of Cat Grant) was filming a dialogue scene inside of an LA loft. Unfortunately, she and the rest of the crew realized the nearby construction would ruin any audio they captured.
While they were doing the photoshoot, the raucous noise of power tools was replaced by cheers and shouting. As it turned out, the construction crew was hanging off the nearby building and watching the sexy action.
But this isn’t the only whack-a-doodle (mis)adventure Jessica has been in a while making porn. When filming Space Nuts, she was cast as a blue-skinned alien. This required her to be covered in blue paint, which turned out to be water-resistant!
This means that no matter how much the crew tried after filming was done, the paint would not come off. According to Drake, she continued to look like one of the Navi for a total of three days.
“A Ballad of Vagina Farts” with Mindi Minks
As everyone knows, biology happens, no matter how much you prep for things and practice. Hell, there are certain things that you can’t really help at all.
One such good example includes a scene which involved Mindi Minks’ partner sticking his fingers into her vagina. After this happened, she kept unintentionally queefing, and, yes, the audio equipment did pick them up.
The one thing I could find out about this was which scene it was. If anyone can tell me, let me know for #ResearchPurposes.
“Bam! Right in the Peeper” with Casey Calvert
No, no, no, this story doesn’t end (quite) the way that you think that it does. Just keep reading; I promise it ends weirder than it is gross.
Let’s begin by saying that if you aren’t aware, most people – though disturbingly, not all of them in my experience, grrr (!) – who are into anal know how to prep. Between proper dieting, training your body, and using enemas and dieting pills as needed.
Being professionals, porn people know all of these techniques and more better than most. Even when accidents happen, the crew knows how to respond when the rare accidents do happen. However, I don’t know if any performer or crew could anticipate what happened in this wacky story.
Like other elite performers, Casey Calvert is one of the girls who is clearly competing for being The Anal Queen of the Modern Industry, and from what I’ve seen, she’s a-shoeing. While making a movie, she was taking it up the butt sliding from position to position until getting to one of her favorites: reverse cowgirl.
There is crew all over the room, with the still photographer in the far corner of the room.
As Calvert is riding her partner all of a sudden, the guy’s dick comes out of his ass and unleashes something which caused said photographer to scream.
Once everyone figured out what had happened, everyone came to find out that a mix of clean lube and natural butt grease flung across the room, nailing the photo guy in the eye.
“A Double Espresso and an Apology” with Michael Lucas
Since anal sex is pretty much standard for gay porn, it would appear that those fellas would be more aware of how to prep ahead of time. After all, it has been those guys who popularized a raunchy reinterpretation of the old Will Smith adage “if you stay ready, you ain’t got to ‘get ready.'”
From what I have heard, this is generally true as, up until recently, the worse thing I’ve heard happened on a gay porn set is Liam Reilly farting on Pierre Fitch. Compared to everything else we’ve looked at, that’s hardly cringey at all.
But like everything else in life, there are some harrowing, even horrifying exceptions.
Michael Lucas once told a story about, what started out as, a hot shoot between two gay performers whose names he did not disclose.
According to him, it was a very sensual scene between a dark and handsome Argentinian and blonde all-American kind of guy. The sequence started with the pair kissing, then switching up for some oral and finally maneuvering for some rimming action. It seems that everyone was comfortable, and nothing bad would happen.
So far, so good, right?
Well, the crew asked the Argentinian rim-ee to open up his ass for the benefit of the camera crew. As the American was diving down, the bottom accidentally unleashed, well, a violent torrent of shit, and I mean, like, a lot.
Immediately after, like a scene out of The Exorcist, the top then projectile vomits into the other guy’s ass.
Sound crazy, right? After an emotional episode, a change of the sheets, and everyone cleaning up, the two finished the scene a little later. Furthermore, it was the guy who vomited – and also got an ass full of shit to the face – who started getting broken up and apologizing.
Just curious, have you tossed your cookies yet?
“An Attempted Sex Session with Spongebob” with Skin Diamond
Porn has parodied just about everything, including the famous cartoon Spongebob Squarepants.
“Is nothing sacred,” I can hear some of you screaming from the rafters. Others of you, I’m sure, are asking, “where can I find this masterpiece?”
Some of you may or may not want to look up Spongebob Squarenuts and Sandy XXX, depending on your tastes, not in porn, but comedy. The reason is the way the scene went, or almost didn’t go.
As Diamond has recounted, they had filmed a funny bit with the both of them in costume trying to keep it together while delivering lines in character. After a while, it didn’t go very well. Fortunately, Skin was able to get around in her tight outfit just fine. But her partner could barely keep the box he was wearing up on his body, let alone get his dick out far enough to fuck her.
Lastly, in my opinion, Diamond’s scene partner looks weird as fuck in costume. What do you think – I’m not to only one am I? Look at a video and tell me what you think.
“A Three Hour Tour, A Three Hour Tour” with Nina Hartley
With age comes wisdom and experience, they say, and Mrs. Hartely is surely a good example of this when it comes to erotic entertainment. I’ve heard of several tales told by her about how the “sausage is made,” and even her more stranger stories aren’t traumatic or anything.
However, in the earlier days of her career, she was filming a scene on a boat and said, essentially, that everything that could go wrong did wrong. As part of the climax of her disastrous shoot, the vessel they were on started to sink.
Fortunately, they were rescued before anything terrible happened, and the news crew who interviewed them had no idea what exactly they were filming. Being one of her quirkier regrets, Hartley has said that during the interview that it took everything in her from saying, “it was just supposed to be a three-hour tour!”
ThePornDude’s final words
What do you think of my shocking list of adult entertainment anecdotes? Horrified or humored by what I managed to dig up?
Want to keep the chuckles and cringe going? I’ve got even more dirty humor from the best of 2020 listed in this post.
If it turns out that this sort of fucked humor or you have a fascination with the macabre and weird, look up this porn site. Hell, make things even better and look up the rest of the porn sites I’ve reviewed, which are similar and have all sorts of other strange adult-oriented anecdotes.
Have you got your own weird stories about working in the skin biz? I am very much interested. As always, I’m interested in stuff out of the norm so long as it won’t scare the horses or result in a lawsuit. So long as they don’t violate that reasonable criterion, send me your tales.
