Maggie Green

Maggie Green was born in Ann Harbor, Michigan, on August 4th, 1977. Not much is known about her youth other than that Maggie worked at the mall.

Titties and Trivia

Around her mid-twenties, Maggie got a job hosting a sports trivia show called Sports by Brooks. She did not earn the job via her expansive library of sports trivia knowledge. She got it because of her giant fucking tits. The things are all natural and the size of genetically modified watermelons. If one fell on your head, your spine would shatter from the cervical vertebrae down.

While Maggie hosted Sports by Brooks, she gathered many fans on social media. Once again, this was not because of her social skills but because her tits are so fun to stare at. She doesn't have to say or do anything else besides stand there.

After the show ended, Maggie needed to find a way to morph her experience and growing fan base together to turn them into dollar signs. I think we all know the best way to do that: Get into the porn industry.

A Slow Decent into Slutdom

However, Maggie wasn't keen on jumping into triple sex with complete strangers. Despite her willingness to wear a tight t-shirt on stage and ask trivia questions, Maggie was too conservative for porn. Regardless though, the bitch needed some money, so instead of doing hardcore porn, she did topless shoots.

This went on for a long time before Maggie gave in to the temptation to shove a cock down her esophagus while a 4K Cannon camera picked up all the action.

Maggie's first explicit sex act on camera came in August of 2010. It wasn't anything crazy or taboo. It was a simple blow job scene for the film "Maximum Maggie." The title is a bit misleading because Maggie was far from reaching her maximum just yet.

It was another two years before Maggie graduated to having vaginal sex on camera for money. The first stunt cock to ever penetrate Maggie was connected to Sergio. What a lucky little fucker he is. The scene is on the Score Land site if you want to check it out. You can see some of the nervousness in Maggie's eyes, and it makes me stiff as an iron I-beam.

Yet again, Maggie avoided jumping headfirst into porn. For many moons, she would only film content with her boyfriend, but she eventually relented and started working with other stunt cocks. At some point, a bitch must embrace her line of work and sink her teeth into the craft.

Maggie stays in shape by being a certified Zumba instructor. I'll watch her do Zhumba any day of the week. What gym do you frequent, Maggie? I think I'll join. I don't plan on working out, though.

With that said, let's follow Maggie's voluptuous breasts over to her Twitter page, where we can see a bit more of this sexy bitch. She describes herself first as an Irish girl. She does have red hair, but it's dark. It's not that bright orange ginger associated with witchcraft and the devil.

Maggie is also a wine enthusiast. I mean, come the fuck on. She's a white bitch in her mid-forties. We already know you love wine. Let me know if you start drinking scotch, and I'll be more surprised. Speaking of things that go without saying, Maggie also calls herself a mom you'd like to fuck. Are we just stating the obvious today?

Maggie joined Twitter in March of 2009 and has since garnered around two hundred thousand followers. It's incredible how many motherfuckers a great rack can attract. Men are like bees to honey or a shark to blood when they see Maggie's lady lumps in the distance.

The tweet currently pinned to the top of Maggie's page welcomes December with a cute elf outfit that barely contains her ample breast meat. I can hear the fabric crying out for mercy, "Why has God forsaken us in our time of need!" The caption really drives the post home: "December is finally here. Come stuff my stocking."

Maggie's primary Only Fans is free, so you have no excuse not to join. Once you're a member, you gain access to her live streams, and you don't want to miss those. I could watch Maggie play with her tits until the universe is nothing but Hawking radiation and jizz.

Wine isn't the only thing Maggie likes to drink. She's not beyond sipping a fancy cocktail with an orchid as a garnish in the middle of the afternoon. Something tells me it happens fairly often.

Basic Bitch?

The more I read Maggie's Twitter, the more I get the feeling she's a basic bitch. She loves wine, tweets about being day drunk, and in the past, has had that haircut. You know what I mean. Fortunately, she grew it out recently.

And what do you know, I found a makeup tutorial post. This couldn't have proven my point more readily. Maggie is a basic bitch with big tits and a talent for sucking cock.

Along with watching live shows, you can also chat with Maggie on her Only Fans. She loves talking dirty to fans and hearing you cum. She lives on your vinegar strokes, so don't hog them all to yourself. Spread the love, and let Maggie whisper sweet nothings into your ear while you do so.

Definitely a Basic Bitch

Alright. It's now fucking official. Maggie is not only a basic bitch. She's a general in the basic bitch army. I'll quote this short post directly. It's perhaps the most basic sentence I've ever read, "Where's the mimosa emoji?"

It doesn't exist, Maggie. That's not a thing. I'm sorry to disappoint, but there isn't a brunch emoji, either. You'll have to post a picture with a bottle of champagne and your eggs benedict if you want the world to know how your early afternoon is going.

Every time I think that I've reached the end of the basic bitch tunnel, Maggie keeps dragging me back in. If you guys are familiar with basic bitches, then you know their favorite food is pickles.

But they can't be any pickle. A true basic bitch knows which are the best. Maggie certainly has her preferences: "Pickles are so delicious, but if you try to give me one of those bread and butter bullshits, I won't be happy.

Micro-peens Welcome

Oh, boy, do I have some excellent news for my readers. Maggie loves humiliating men with small penises. My readers are one of the most humbly dicked demographics in the world, and when you have a tiny dick, you can do one of two things: Hate yourself or embrace your Tic-Tac.

In a way, Maggie allows you to do both. By taking part in small penis humiliation, you're owning it by making your shortcomings a fetish. However, simultaneously you can find new reasons to hate yourself based on the horrific shit Maggie has to say about you. I call that the best of both worlds.

When Maggie gets together with other thick-tittied white bitches, magic ensues. There must be one hundred pounds of boob meat between Maggie Green and Karen Fisher. You have to wear a safety helmet to have a threesome with them. I'd hate to see you sent to the blue tent like you just took a nasty hit in football.

Coffee and Cocktails

I see many "I need coffee" posts on Maggie's wall. I'm surprised they don't come as a caption to a picture of Starbucks. However, I don't need to see the Starbucks symbol to know that's what this bitch drinks every day.

Every coffee post is balanced with a cocktail post. For example, there is a picture of Maggie sipping a strawberry daiquiri from a large novelty glass with two straws. The caption is, "Slurp slurp. RT if you'd share this with me." I'd sip that shit with you all day, pending that straw isn't the only thing you're planning on sucking. I don't mind dipping my cock in the drink first if that helps.

If you love large-chested biddies, check out Maggie's My Sexy Auctions page. She sells her worn clothing, and every item purchased comes with a handwritten note from the slut herself. If you ask nicely, she might leave the double-sided sticky tape on for you.

Maggie has one of the most impressive natural racks in all of porn. If you have a big tittied milf fetish, make this bitch part of your regular rotation. She deserves your attention.

My only complaint about Maggie's Twitter is that it doesn't contain many clips of her riding dick. Sometimes I need to see what those tits get up to while she's working a stunt cock over.

Maggie puts in a lot of work in carrying those boulders around, so don't let her do it in vain.