Pristine Edge

Pristine Edge was born in St. Louis, Missouri, on October 13th, 1987. She had seventeen brothers and sisters, including a twin. Jesus fucking Christ.

Ever Heard of Jerking Off?

Her parents should be put to death in the middle of a busy street. What selfish prick thinks the world needs seventeen more of them? In fact, not only should the parents be killed, the children should be sterilized.

When Porndude becomes king of the world, people will only be allowed two children. If you want a third, you have to apply for a permit so we can make sure you're not fucking retarded. Because only the retarded have seventeen fucking kids.

Edge was a stripper for seven years after graduating high school. I wonder if she felt trapped and had no marketable skills but her body. Could that be because no human being can raise seventeen Doctors? Who knows. Wait, I do. Yes. I don't care how old Edge's parents are now. I want to slap the unholy shit out of them.

Had her father never heard of jerking off? He clearly isn't a Porn Dude reader. Can we get this man some porn and a blade to cut his balls off with?

The Stripper to Cam Girl to Porn Star Highway

Edge received her first offer to shoot porn at the age of twenty-one. She turned it down, but being a stripper, it wouldn't be the last offer she got.

Edge jumped to live-streaming in 2013 to dip her toes in porn but still have total control of her content. If you're a sexy and talented performer on a webcam, you can bet more agents will be barking up your tree to shoot hardcore porn.

Eventually, Edge met an agent via webcamming who made her an offer she couldn't refuse to film porn in Florida. Fuck the porn. It must have been a lot of money to convince Edge to go to Florida. No one wants to do that.

She moved to Miami in 2014 and debuted as a porn actress at the age of twenty-seven. Edge took a break from performing the following year to have her first child... Bruh. Just no. No. No. No. That better be it, champ. It's abortions from here on out.

Listen, you can have kids, but you have to forcibly sterilize one of your siblings for everyone you have. You can choose which. I'm not a total monster.

Moving On Up

After having her child, Edge returned to the industry under new management. She signed with Nexxxt Level Talent Agency, who used their contacts and resources to launch her career to heights it had never reached before.

Since signing with Nexxt Level Talent Agency, she has worked with some of the best sites and studios in the biz, including Bang Bros, Evil Angel, Kick-Ass, Wicked Pictures, Pure Play Media, Digital Playground, Hustler, Sweetheart Video, Girlfriend Films, Digital sin, Diabolic Video, Brazzers, Hustler, and Lethal Hardcore.

Two years after her triumphant return to porn, Edge pulled in her first XBIZ awards nomination along with Lena Paul for the best sex scene in a lesbian film for their work in "Please Make Me Lesbian 14."

Edge has shot around two hundred and thirty films since starting in Florida. Some of my favorite appearances are "Bangin' Assholes," "Creepers and Peepers," "Face Fucked 5," "Do Blondes Have More Fun 6," and "Pretty and Petite."

We Better Fuck Silently

With her history and my threats of sterilization out of the way, let's slip into Edge's Twitter account and see what this bitch is up to. Edge starts her description with "INFP" and her pronouns.

I had to look up "INFP" to figure out what the fuck it was, and unfortunately, it's a "personality type." I have a feeling Ms. Edge and I would butt heads in person.

This is what happens when people have seventeen fucking kids. They grow up to take bullshit personality tests and tout the results as if they mean something. I swear to god, if this bitch brings up crystals, I'm done. It's a good thing she's so sexy. I'm still beating off to her.

Edge also provides links to her Only Fans and Many Vids accounts. Her Only Fans is the way to go if you prefer paying a monthly fee. It's filled with pictures and videos of Edge's incredible body being licked, sucked, and fucked in every which way.

If you would rather pay for her content by the minute, try out her Many Vids. It's not like it takes you fucks a millennium to bust a nut anyways. You have the sexual stamina of an obese eighty-year-old chain smoker with Parkinson's and Multiple Sclerosis.

Pristine Edge currently resides in one of the porn capitals of the world: Las Vegas. If you would like to book her, you already know who to call. However, I doubt she will agree to shoot porn in your mother's basement. The woman has standards.

Does a Wishlist Purchase Lead to a Dick Tip Touch?

If you really want to show Pristine that you care, purchase something from her Amazon Wishlist. Let's take a peek at some of the items on her list as the Christmas season approaches.

The first thing I notice is the children's toys, which feels wrong. I'm struggling to properly define why it feels wrong, but my gut says it's weird. I suppose you want your kid to have a good Christmas, though.

If I agree to buy Pristine every children's item on her wishlist, do you think she would agree to get her tubes tied? I have the money and am willing to spend it on such a critical endeavor.

I also see some workout equipment. This feels more on-brand. I'm down to buy her something that will be used to keep her body sexy. That would make me feel like I'm taking part in her career.

The most expensive items on the list are new camera bundles. If you want to see Pristine Edge in the crispest 4K ultra high def available, you can make it happen. Not to put words in her mouth, but I bet she would be willing to send you exclusive content once a month for your efforts. The only thing is that you'll need five thousand dollars... plus tax.

Adult Video News already loves Pristine Edge. They recently helped spread the good word about her new scene in "New Mom Lover Three way." I know my readers want to fuck their moms, and this is as close as you're going to get. It has nothing to do with taboo. Your mom has standards, so she would never throw pussy at a loser like you.

Edge was a recent guest on The Dick Dangle's Podcast. If you've never listened in, this is the perfect episode to start with. If you want to hear industry dirt and get a behind-the-scenes look at how your favorite porn is made, check it out.

The Best Custom Work

Pristine Edge works with a company called Erotic Customs By Tiffany Paris." Edge will team up with a fellow porn star and announce a date they will be filming custom content. Then fans can order custom knowing who will be joining her. This is my favorite way to film custom works. It's a great idea, and Edge always performs with flying colors.

Mommy Loves Church and Black Cock

One of Pristine's favorite fetishes to film is religious mom content. I can only imagine why. I assume her mom was religious because it's the crazy religious people that pump out seventeen fucking kids. This isn't the fucking Garden of Eden. Humans just passed the eight billion mark. That's plenty of motherfuckers without some Mormon prick pumping out twenty more.

Pristine goes on to say that it's not her favorite kink. Her favorite kink is romance. I'm going to keep it real with you, Pristine, because why stop now? I don't think romance counts as a kink. If it does, everyone's got it. However, if dinner and a movie are considered foreplay, that does make my job easier.

Guess who Edge just released a debut scene with. I'll give you a hint. It involves unreasonably large African American cocks. Come on, guys. You got this one. I believe in you.

If you guessed Whited, you're wrong. If you guessed Jewed, you're wrong. However, if you guessed Blacked, you're right on the money. I didn't think Pristine had room in her petite body for cocks that large.

Pristine and I probably wouldn't get along if we bothered talking, but as long as we remained silent, the sex would be great. I imagine you'll spend plenty of time over the next few days wishing you could be inside of her hopefully recently sterilized vagina.

I don't have many complaints about Pristine's Twitter account. Perhaps remove the children's toys from her Amazon wishlist? But you do you, boo boo.

Head over to Twitter now to get an eyeful of Pristine Edge's fantastic body. You'll be upset you waited this long.