SwingTowns

Swing Towns! Man, things just get better and better for people who like sex. I say that as a totally depraved pervert, but even normal folks are more open than ever about their freakiness, kinkiness, and sexual desires. Apps like Tinder are fun for a quick hookup, but real swingers recognize the value of a dedicated platform like SwingTowns. The site has been around for a couple of decades now and helps around half a million visitors a month get a little bit of action.

SwingTowns.com calls themselves The World’s Largest Non-Monogamy Community, catering to swingers and those with poly, open and kink lifestyles. With millions of registered members around the globe, they’ve been making threesomes, wife swapping and group sex happen for years. I’m really into all that freaky business, and it’s free to sign up, so let’s get in there and see about some no-strings-attached hookups.

Who Wants to Trade Wives Tonight?

SwingTowns caters to everybody in any type of non-monogamous relationship situation. They claim to be able to connect nearby swingers in a matter of seconds, whether you’re in an open relationship, swinging, polyamorous or just looking for some kinky friends. The profiles are authentic, and they claim to be “the friendliest site for swingers out there.”

The front page of the website also tries to seduce potential members by pointing out the heavy opportunities for kinky play within. You don’t necessarily have to be non-monogamous to find a man or a woman looking for erotic BDSM, bondage or fetish play. You need a dominatrix to step on your balls or you want to tie up a slut and bang her until she’s consensually bleeding? This might be your joint.

I like how there’s an extensive section on the front page about the ins and outs of non-monogamy. It makes me wonder how many of the visitors to the site are just tourists and how many are looking for a genuine interaction. The author lays out a bunch of myths about the lifestyle and shoots them down one by one. Honestly, it’s a great fucking introduction to any newbie and maybe something you might want to show the wife if she’s been giving you resistance.

The article is called Seven Common Myths About More-Than-Two, and they’ve even got a downloadable PDF so you can email it to your significant other. Hell, I bet some of you will even email it to your mom after trying to explain why she saw you with that other babe the other day. Then again, some of your moms are already on the site.

Sign Up Quick and Start Swinging

Registration is free, quick, and easy as hell. You just need to pick a username and password, set your location and orientation, describe yourself with a few very basic dropdowns, and boom! You’re in. There are a couple of follow-up questions about who you’d like to meet, but after that, you’re pretty much free to get to business. Your account will be further unlocked to watch videos, see photos and view mutual likes once you upload a profile photo and it gets approved.

Once you’re signed up and logged in, SwingTowns starts displaying images of individual users and couples in your general area. Like on Tinder, you get a slideshow of these motherfuckers and you can click Pass, Like or hit an Undo button. I tried to hit that third option, but it turns out you need a paid X-clusive membership for that. I guess I’ll have to check it out in a little while.

By default, your little slideshow of potential matches shows individuals and couples whose orientations match your preferences. In order to dial down your selections a little better, click the Filter button at the top. This opens an Age Range slider to choose how old your potential partners are going to be. If you don’t adjust this, it starts off at 18-70. I had to squeeze that range down, because in my area there seem to be a lot of elderly folks looking for some action. That ain’t my scene, but more power to you, gray hairs!

The Filter options also let you narrow down your Maximum Distance. It’s set at 70 to start with, which is honestly farther than I want to drive just to get my dick wet. A handful of Premium Filters are listed below, but inaccessible until you’ve paid the entry fee.

After I played with this Tinder-style Like/Pass thing, I started poking around the rest of the site. Weirdly, I couldn’t figure out how to get back to the Like/Pass options once I left it. I spent a good 10 minutes exploring, trying to get back there before I decided to get on with the rest of the review. The site navigation could use some work.

(Once I logged out and back in again, it dropped me back on that page. Then I lost it again once I got browsing.)

Find Local Swingers Who Want YOU

While I was exploring, I got a message saying that somebody liked me. I clicked on the message, hoping to see this person and ideally stick my dick in them later. SwingTowns instead directed me again to their sign-up page for SwingTowns Extra, as finding out who likes me is another feature limited to paid members. As on Tinder, it looks like everybody gets to see mutual likes.

I reviewed the site the day after Veterans Day, and they still had a sale going on for 69% off. They have a brand-new lifetime membership available for $169, or a standard monthly rate of around $17. There’s also a slightly discounted rate for a three-month membership.

Besides seeing everyone who likes you, subscribers to SwingTowns Extra can search by location, username or who’s online. They can send message requests even to people who haven’t liked them yet and have unlimited Rewinds when they’re playing the Like/Pass game. You also get some advanced privacy settings to control who gets to see you.

Most importantly, at least to a Porn Dude like me, is that the SwingTowns Extra membership allows you to view X-rated photos and videos. At least, that’s what it says on the sign-up page. I will say that even without signing up for the premium account, I saw plenty of titties and some local poon, too.

Browse Poly Groups, Meetups, Clubs, and More

SwingTowns users have a variety of ways to browse the site. You can find nearby Users, Groups, Meetups, and Clubs via quick links up in the header. There’s also a section for traveling swingers and an extensive Pages section that lists erotic events, stores, authors and more.

The sign-up page seems to imply you can’t search by location unless you’ve got a paid membership, but that just isn’t the case. Since I’d already set my location when I first visited the site, they gave me a selection of single broads and polyamorous couples in my area as soon as I clicked the Location link. Typing in other nearby cities earned me new lists.

SwingTowns clearly ain’t bullshitting when they talk about their millions of registered members. One of the most important things in any kind of hookup, dating or swinging site is a big userbase. You can make the most impressive website in the world and it doesn’t count for jack shit if you can’t attract any users. It’s impossible to get laid in a ghost town, but SwingTowns is fucking hopping. Wherever I looked, I saw potential partners who might want to get into some freaky shit with a guy like me.

That huge userbase is probably going to be SwingTowns’ biggest selling point. Without it, the site is nothing, but with it, SwingTowns is a major hub of non-monogamous activity. Swingers, polyamorous couples and all kinds of sexy motherfuckers can find each other with very little difficulty.

My biggest complaint about the site isn’t that some features are locked to paid members only. Considering the fact that you can actually get laid on this thing, they’re not asking an unreasonable price. Besides, you can still use the site without paying a fucking dime. No, my issue is the slightly outdated design. It wouldn’t take that much tweaking to make the site easier to navigate. That said, I was able to find most everything I was looking for with little difficulty.

Some people think the kind of porn addicts who read The Porn Dude are a bunch of neckbeard virgins, but anyone reading this is obviously interested in getting a little bit of action. SwingTowns makes it really fucking easy, so what are you waiting for, stud?