Fart Goon! Did you eat beans? Did you open the window? Well… you might want to do that right about now, because the air is about to get really damn thin. I can already smell it just by reading the domain… FartGoon.com. Do I even need to break this one down for you? Fine. You want someone farting in your face while they are enjoying a vacation somewhere in Hawaii? Or maybe a giantess fantasy mixed with a fart so potent it could cause a plague? How about watching a random dude mush his face right in the stink hole while a woman unloads her Taco Bell dinner on his nose? That’s just a small sample of the madness that’s about to be unleashed on your nostrils. And don’t you dare pretend you’re here for shits and giggles! I know you… You landed here on purpose.
A lot of the flatulence sessions here run for five minutes. Sometimes twenty. Other times it’s just a huge rip that lasts thirty seconds and ends with you in a coma. If you scroll further, then you’ll stumble onto the compilations, and man… they stroll past the half-hour mark like it’s nobody’s business. But hey… YOU did this to yourself! You came here to suffer in a very specific way, and the site is happy to hold the door. If you don’t like it, then I suggest you leave. If you’re brave enough to face the gas, then go on… I’ll be here to hold your hand for the remainder of this review. But just know: I’m not part of your weird stink cult. I don’t get off on chicks farting. So my side of things is going to look drastically different from yours.
Sniffing The Content
The page itself? Huge but tiny at the same time. You get a lot of clips. A lot of space, and very little navigation and fresh air. The top row is reserved for the creators. I sat there and counted them… around sixty names on the front page alone. The likes of Gassy Lexi, Sarah Farts, Amy Farts, Ruby Farts, YourSweetPoison, Big Booty Goddess Lola, Scarlett Fey, Karina Cruel, Classy N Gassy, which might be the most honest stage name on the internet. Fetish Nature Films sits in there too, so it is not only bedroom webcams. Some of these people have made a whole career out of one bodily function and, frankly, I respect the focus. Right below it, you have the categories. Yep… FartGoon doesn’t have a dedicated page for it. They just slammed the categories on a row and called it a day. There aren’t that many to begin with. Only lesbian, facesitting, big beautiful women, big ass, point of view, ebony, and jerk-off instruction. That is the entire menu. I went looking for a drawer labeled accidental, office, or leggings, and the site just stared at me. Everything lives in those seven buckets, and I believe it needs more.
The videos themselves are exactly what you expect them to be. Nobody hired a copywriter for the titles, so you’re left staring at a clip called Farting Non Stop In My New Bikini Sniff My Farts. That one runs for five minutes. Next? Farting On Bed, which is a title and also a complete sentence and also a threat. But that’s not the worst of it. How about: Caught Jerking Off To My Farts? Dignity? It left the room a while ago. And for the truly sick farts, you have Crazy Girlfriend Toxic Farts, which runs for thirty damn minutes! That’s longer than my Tinder hookups! And the entire relationship here is based on farts… damn. Oh, by the way, a few titles wander off into another language. I did not translate them. Gas does not need subtitles… it needs a decent thumbnail! And what the thumbnails on FartGoon.com evoke is closeness. Think couch, bed, chair, skirt, a face too near a decision. Phone quality on a lot of them, studio polish on a few, and the hover does the usual job of making your hand betray you. If you click, then you are in smelling distance.
Just Fart And Shut Up
I clicked the bikini one for the sake of the bit. The video player was more than welcoming. It didn’t even bother to harass me with ads… well, not until I clicked to pause the video. That’s when I got punished with those annoying pop-ups. Still, I’ll take the win. Other than that, nothing about the experience tried to upsell me a membership. Then again, judging by the structure and primal state of the interface, I never assumed I’d have to pay for this stuff. I mean, all you get is two buttons to sort the content: Latest and Favorite. Other than that, a light-mode switch exists, and a feed that’s only there to block your nasal passage.
The interesting part is that you can favorite and download videos without ever creating an account. Think of it as a complimentary fart. Did that clip from FartsbyTierra where she passes gas on a Greek beach do something for you? Favorite it. Download it. Do whatever you want with it! Nobody is gatekeeping the gas. Just like lIyma Farts is not gatekeeping her anus while she’s spread eagle on her bed, reading a story out loud and farting like a maniac. I laughed watching that clip… like seriously, do you people come here to fap? I can’t keep a straight face to save my life. Don’t see my point? Well, KitsyVixen is out here sharting her damn yoga pants after she ate sugar-free gummies, and I swear to god, I laughed so hard I actually let one rip. You know what…? Maybe I should grab a camera and record my protein farts… I’m telling you ahead of time: They don’t smell like the cookies and cream flavor on the whey protein packaging. I kinda wish they did because then I’d have a reason to look good on camera.
That aside, FartGoon.com looks like a prototype to me. I appreciate the straightforward experience and the layout, but man… it lacks the polish that turns it into a great site. I saw so many videos that are a blend of fetishes, like the giantess farting clips, fart-slave compilations, scat-themed content… the list goes on, and none of them were organized properly. FartGoon.com only has this small, pathetic row of categories that does the trick, but it doesn’t change the odor. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe FartGoon is trying to capture the spontaneity of the matter by being just as random and natural as a real-life fart is.
Passes The Gas Correctly
Boil it down, and you’ll see that FartGoon.com is a single-joke tube with a deep bench, lazy tags, and titles that read like evidence. New names keep showing up in the rail. Old ones keep posting like digestion is a content calendar, and you’re in the middle of it, sniffing both sides of the spectrum. That’s what most of you came for anyway. That’s what FartGoon delivers. And I’m sitting here, pretending the fan is on for the room.
Those are the facts. Now let me share my side of the room: I find FartGoon boring. It’s not their fault! I can smell the thumbnails from a mile away, and it did manage to make me laugh, but I’m here to jerk off! That’s the premise of ThePornDude. And me, as ThePornDude… I don’t get off on this shit! I did it mainly for the audience, but I’d rather watch a big booty bounce on a cock without passing gas. And I hate how everyone on the internet thinks I enjoy every single kink there is. I don’t! I sniff it up, and I chew it down on the plate for you. But that doesn’t make me a fart smella. It makes me a smart fella. That’s right! And right now, you’re on the road to be the former. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Everyone has their thing. Yours just happens to be a stinky one.
