Let's pay a visit to the "Cinema Pee"! I love porn sites that don’t try to hide what they’re peddling behind some fancy-ass name. A good title will tell you what you’re in for without dancing around the fact. If I tell you I’m going to be looking at Cinema Pee today, you already know good and well what kind of site it’s going to be.
Cheaper Than A Bucket of Chickpeas
I hooked up with this babe on Tinder a couple of weeks ago. She was still hungry after eating my cum, so I took her out to an Indian place. I figured it would keep her around a while longer so I could do more stuff to her, and also give me a good opportunity to bring up said stuff.
“Hey,” I said. “What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?”
She smiled, and asked, “I don’t know, what?”
“Nobody ever paid fifty bucks to have a lentil on their face.”
I thought it was hilarious, but you’d have thought I just peed in her Coke. This uptight college bitch got up and left, yelling some bullshit about how they’re actually both very nutritious and heart-healthy legumes. Good riddance. Take your damn beans.
The good news, I guess, was that I was suddenly saving that fifty bones I had earmarked. I considered stopping behind 7-11, where the local crack whore has a special going on--just 7 bucks for 11 ounces of urine-tainted with cocaine and chlamydia. My last STD test came back a goddamn miracle, so I decided to check out the free offerings at CinemaPee instead.
There’s No Poo in my Pee
CinemaPee.com looks like any free porn tube, only with pissing videos instead of BJs and gang-bangs. The motto of the site is Your Golden Stream Entertainment. There’s some half-ass, less-catchy, search engine keyword-word stuffed phrase below that: Pissing Tube with Free Peeing Videos and Squirting Girls.
It’s interesting that Squirting is included on a pee site. If you Google the subject and try to get really scientific, you’ll find a bunch of mysteries about the miracle of female squirting. Some people really do think it’s just piss.
Just for shits and giggles, I typed Squirt into the search bar. CinemaPee actually only has 16 squirt videos right now. You’ll find more than that on any well-stocked porn tube.
Speaking of shits and giggles, this site only carries the giggles. Not everyone is going to be happy with that, but I prefer not to have any shit mixed with my piss. It seems like having both is the norm for sites like this, so CinemaPee will appeal to those who just don’t want to see brown smears all over the girls.
Poop is way fucking dirtier, filthy to the point of danger. Rub feces on your face and they might have to amputate your damn eyeballs, but pee from a healthy person is sterile. It’ll make you smell like a bum, but it ain’t gonna hurt you. Thanks, CinemaPee, for not mixing gold with poison.
An Unrelenting Torrent of Flowing Gold
It was early when I visited the site, before noon, but there had still already been a couple of dozen updates for the day. Good god, that’s a lot of pee!
With niche clips like this, you’ve got to expect shorter shows. With golden showers, in particular, you also have to remember that a slut’s bladder can only hold so much fluid. The girls practically have to drink from a hose to keep it flowing for these clips.
Either way, we’re still just talking quantity. How about the quality? Are these bitches pissing in a trailer park or in a studio somewhere out in Los Angeles? Honestly, it looks like a little bit of both.
There’s a professionally produced clip of Victoria Daniels pissing on Jenny Simons’s feet. It starts with a foot fuck before Victoria just lets it loose all over those manicured toes, the counter, and the floor.
Another video shows a skinny blonde slut in an alley, pulling down her shorts and shaking her ass for the camera. The resolution is decent and the camera is still, but it’s got this raw feel that can’t be faked: this is legit amateur smut.
The girl in the clip rubs her clit until she’s shuddering hard from the orgasms. She falls on the ground, moaning, still masturbating and pissing herself.
It’s hard to beat the amateur stuff. The pro smut producers and talent are bound by laws and a general adherence to societal decency. CinemaPee has a lot of videos of hot girls pissing out in public. These heroes of depravity are risking a lifetime on the sex offender database to give us boners, so we basically owe it to them to watch.
Your Urine Test Came Back Weak
I’m not sure if you know this about me, but sometimes I have kind of a juvenile sense of humor. Whenever I see a golden showers site, for example, I always get the same stupid rhyme stuck in my head:
Me Chinese. Me play joke. Me put pee-pee in your coke.
Yeah, it’s one of those enduring playground legacies, like my love of hairless cunts. I’ve never actually seen the joke get played, though.
I typed Chinese Coke into CinemaPee’s search bar. Sorry, no results were found, it said. I tried again for Chinese, and for Coke, but nothing came up.
Joking aside, the search feature really is fucked up. You can sort your results by Most Relevant, Newest, Top Rated, and Most Viewed, which is great. The problem is your searches aren’t going to get all the results you’re actually looking for. That Chinese Coke video might actually be there, but I’ll never know.
There are 39 clips filed under Squirting Girl and 103 under Squirting Orgasm. That means my search for Squirt earlier was bullshit. You’re not going to get complete results when you use the search bar, even for a term as broad as Squirt.
Extreme Pissing and Outdoor Pee
Since the search feature is garbage, your best option for browsing is the Categories page. It’s laid out like the front page, with a bunch of thumbnails of girls and piss. A babe pissing with a candle in her twat represents the Extreme Pissing category, while a broad taking a leak on a kiddy pool invites us to Outdoor Pee.
CinemaPee only has a couple of dozen categories on the Categories page. That would be lame on most sites, but piss is already a pretty deep niche. The fact they have as many genres as they do is impressive.
Face Pissing the most popular category, with 333 videos of bitches getting hosed down. Piss drinking is another fan favorite, for when lemonade or Mountain Dew just won’t do. You can watch sluts getting Piss In Pussy or Piss In Ass, or see them Piss On Cock.
A Taste of Premium Piss
Remember that video I mentioned earlier with Victoria Daniels pissing on Jenny Simons? It’s a nice clip, but it’s only 5 minutes of a longer scene. To get the whole thing in glorious 4K HD, you’ll have to go sign up for a premium account at VIPissy.
I love that free porn tubes have samples from premium sites. I don’t mind that they’re meant to lure viewers in to go buy the expensive version. CinemaPee, though, is a little intrusive with their ads.
The VIPissy banner under the video is fine, and I can totally live with the Close and Play ad that lingers over the video before you watch it. What bothers me is that you can’t even watch the video without disabling your ad-blocker. That’s like a whore demanding you take off your rubber before you stick it in her.
The fact that I can’t use my ad-blocker is really my biggest complaint. I didn’t even get hit too hard with spam, but it’s just the idea of having to let my guard down that bothers me. I never ask for bareback until at least the second date. Or the second drink.
If you can handle some intrusive spam and a lackluster search engine, CinemaPee is a decent site. They have a good and growing selection of golden showers clips, all for free.