Oopsie daisy, I stumbled upon Daisy Jones. And no, this is not Captain Jones' pirate daughter. I only wish she were. This Daisy is a random woman who just turned 18 and decided that OnlyFans is the right career move. If you have no idea who she is, then we're in the same boat. That's why we're here, to discover what she's all about and check out her OnlyFans page, because that's the only trace we have of her. But first, let's set the vibe here. She's obviously new to OnlyFans. She's still figuring out the ropes, how to do this shit. And currently, she only has 9 posts, which is basically nothing in the world of OnlyFans. But… the good thing is, she's always online! She may not be posting, but she's definitely chatting.
You can’t resist her. She has that submissive and breedable vibe, the corny ass tattoo on her hand that says 555, and a bunch of lingerie and panties that she's willing to rip right off her skin and throw them at your screen. Still, I'm sitting here and questioning myself… Why did I even get involved with Daisy in the first place? I mean, she's not an OnlyFans model with a shit ton of posts. And her bio explains nothing about her, except for the fact that she's 18 and she's going to be your new favorite addiction. If I had a penny for every single girl who has called herself my new favorite addiction, I would be fucking rich. Oh, wait, I am!
Chatting with Daisy
The truth is, there is nothing I can discuss about her. I have to dive deep into a depraved back-and-forth messaging fiasco with Daisy and figure out what she's all about. So here I fucking am, in the OnlyFans inbox. And I'll be fucking honest with you. Halfway through this review, I went to the kitchen and made myself some damn good hot dogs. You can stop with the wiener jokes! It's a damn hot dog, it's made out of processed meat. I ate it, had a blast cooking it, and now I have to wash the dishes. In the meantime, Daisy has been blowing up my inbox. You know how those corny mumble rappers talk about their inbox being full and how their anxious girlfriend/side bitch is texting them all the time? Daisy is that side bitch right now. She even sent me 7 messages, and one of them is a goddamn voice recording. She got so fucking tired of typing, so she recorded her voice and asked me what the fuck am I doing, baby? Without the fuck part, she doesn't use profanity.
Obviously, I read all her messages, and I can safely say that this girl is awkward as fuck. She basically said, oh my god, thanks for subscribing. Have you ever been interested in speaking to a girl on here before? Like Daisy, what? I've spent years on this platform since its creation. I've been talking to OnlyFans chicks like you for a fucking while now. I'm a veteran at this shit. The fact that she has to ask me this proves that, without a shadow of a doubt, she has no fucking clue what she's doing! I can't roast her for it, but what’s the point? Daisy is new to this platform, and she is here to slang nudes for money.
Look, I'm a perv, okay, but I can understand how freaked out and awkward she is. Imagine being in her filthy shoes for a second. You just signed up for college, probably have crippling debt looming over you, and now you have to make money somehow, so you decide to create an OnlyFans. Thing is, you're not used to the horny strangers of the internet who browse Reddit and 4chan all day, masturbating to every single video that has ever been released on Pornhub. Do you realize how insane this must feel for Daisy? I respect her fucking courage to do this, and I made sure to tell her that.
Fuck Her Or Protect Her?
If you've been on ThePornDude for a while, you know that whenever a creator asks for my name, it means that they're not going to stop, no matter what I do. I have no clue why they do this. I don't know why they need my name! But look, I was already away for 20-something minutes, so I had to give it to her, she earned it! And then, she instantly asked for my age. Like Daisy, come on, babe. I get that this is your first time around, but Jesus, I don't need to tell you everything about me. At this point, I might as well give you my social security number and have it over with. Is that what it takes to recieve for some nudes? Once again, I took the bait, and I told her my age. And for the sake of this review, I'm going to skip past all the bullshit questions she asked me.
I'm not going to lie, she kept getting personal. She kept asking me about my place of birth, what my profession is, all that bullshit. But look, I was not having it. I told her to keep the personal shit away and discuss why the fuck she is even on OnlyFans. My parental instinct kicked in, this shit always happens to me… you’ll get used to it. So, whenever an 18 or 19-year-old chick flirts with me and wants to send me nudes, I tell them to stop that, and I start giving them life advice. I don't know why I'm like this. I just feel like Daisy needs to be protected. I'm having the classic weeb conundrum here. The one where they see a 1000-year-old elf that's bubbly. I'm talking about the I don't know if I should fuck her or protect her vibe. That's what I'm feeling.
And it's not because she's awkward or anything. It's because she's asking way too many personal questions, and I can tell that this conversation is robotic. Okay? It just doesn't feel natural. And I know, I know… I'm here for the nudes, this is OnlyFans after all. But truth be told, I don't want them! Now that I've gotten to talk to Daisy, I don't even feel horny. I just want her to get a job at Starbucks and enjoy her early 20s. Because OnlyFans is not worth it, man… It's just not worth it for an 18-year-old.
Jumping Out Of The Bush
Let's look at her OnlyFans profile from a holistic perspective. You can tell this shit is brand new, straight from the factory. And there is nothing fun on her main feed to jack off to. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Those 9 posts she has? they're not enough for the average coomer who spends his entire day on Brazzers or PornHub. And I mean hours, not one minute scrolling through posts. On top of that, do you know who Daisy's competition is? Every single fucking model on OnlyFans! And last time I checked, most models have over a thousand posts on their feed.
There is another thing that doesn't work in her favor, and that's the long-ass chatting game. She wants to chat with you for at least half an hour before she sends you anything mildly interesting. For the socially deprived person out there who has never felt the touch of a woman or a girl texting them before, this might sound like fucking heaven. But trust me, it is not! The only good thing about Daisy's OnlyFans profile is that her subscription is free. This way, she can build an audience quickly and reel in the big fish soon.
However, Daisy hasn't received a single tip on her posts. And I seriously doubt she is making money with this long-ass chatting game. You know I'm right! Porn nowadays is based on instant dopamine hits and quick buildup. Think about the last porn video you watched. It took only three minutes to go from fully clothed to a naked girl sucking a dick. When it comes to Daisy, it takes me three minutes just to tell her my name because she's aggressively asking for it. What I'm trying to say is that she is sexy, she is hot, and she definitely has the body to succeed in the OnlyFans sphere. But god damn it, it feels torturous talking to her and getting to the good stuff.
