Black Patrol

BlackPatrol! Hello, fellow people who enjoy making their male genitals nonfunctional due to over masturbation. As you all know, I am a model citizen who respects the law and always supports the people in blue. I pay my taxes on time, I pay my bills, and I'm never late with rent. But, upon viewing this site, I kind of wish I was a street thug. Because on this site, you can see wonderfully attractive MILF cops who are purposely searching for young delinquents and outlaws, especially the dark-skinned ones. And then, they give them blowjobs and let them use their pussy as a holding cell. And best of all, it's all in public! So aside from the walls in their vaginas, these thugs will walk away free. They don't even need a lawyer. Anyways, after this hideously lousy description of this site which some retarded people will claim is racist, let us start with this review.

General first impression and homepage

After you confirm that you want to enter the site, you're free to browse BlackPatrol.com. This actually means that your browsing is restricted and you can only view one video as a preview. After that, you can either buy the membership or get the fuck out of there. But that's fair because this site reminded me of why I love writing about porn in the first place. You see, you don't get that political correctness crap in porn, and you can just say what's on your mind without any consequences whatsoever. Who the fuck is going to label me as a porn addict? No one, because nobody gives a fuck, everyone's here just to get the porn source anyways. But, in these videos, you can find what literally looks like a police raid, which is actually really fucking awesome. I'm surprised that the acting seems excellent too. All in all, nothing looks fake, and you can see that BlackPatrol.com puts in the effort. Unfortunately, you don't get any other previews, but don't worry, we will describe this one in much more detail later.

Navigation

You see, BlackPatrol.com heavily relies on parodying the contemporary issues in America, and they specifically concentrate on the whole war between black people and cops. The reason why I mention this is because one integral part of the navigation on BlackPatrol.com is the descriptions. If you're not okay with sketches depicting racism, even fake one for the sake of gags, get the fuck out of here. But, yeah, the first thing is the descriptions. Basically, the whole site is about scrolling down, so you won't even find much of anything else. The narratives that are colored darkly are mostly about the site itself, and what it can offer to new customers, but you also have other kinds of descriptions as well. Basically, when you combine this site, it's like as if you mixed South Park and porn, and created a hilarious episode. I honestly couldn't even jerk off to this. I'd just laugh my fucking ass off.

Next up, you have the videos on their own. You can see the player where you can play them, but you need to pay first, which really sucks because I'm curious. Next to them, you have a gallery of pictures, you know, cops sucking black dick and stuff like that. Below that particular video, BlackPatrol.com inserts some descriptions about what's really going on in it. And these descriptions aren't like your usual porn. They are literally writing them as if they're a fucking Facebook page of a police station somewhere in Arkansas. I don't know. I just find the whole thing to be hilarious, you know? A fucking porn site impersonating cops, with a couple of fat MILF's sucking black cock, and then you turn in into a show? Oh, I just love the 21st century!

The only read command button that you have on here is the join button, and it's really too early to get on that since we have a special section for registration. What you need to know, though, is that registering is the only way to view this content. And I think it's worth paying because, besides the jerking off part, you can also make some popcorn and enjoy the show. I mean the drama in this can fucking remind you of those old MTV shows back in the day. I mean, when are we making Teenage Pregnant Porn TV or something like that? I'm ready for that. But only if you place them in a large mansion and let them fight over a pair of cocks and a large pack of crack. And then their babies can play crack basketball since we've already mentioned South Park.

The perks

The perks on BlackPatrol.com are nonexistent if we don't count the funny reality side of it. You don't get anything before you pay. I mean, one single preview, even if it lasts a full minute, won't cut it. You need to get at least a few of them before you really get to know how this works. People don't want to pay before they know what they're paying. But if you don't pay, and if you're black, you might as well apply to appear in one of the videos, maybe they'll hook you up for free. Unfortunately, I'm not black, so I can't do it. And I think I have a big cock, but I can't really measure it with the monstrous sizes on here, you know? Mine is just to write and enjoy my success, not sniff the ass that's fresh out of the cop uniform.

The content, as far as I can tell

Well, you only get one preview on BlackPatrol.com, but that preview is hilarious. At least it tells you what they're usual video routine consists of. For example, at the start of the video, you see three MILF cops abusing one black guy, calling him all sorts of names. And then the poor fella starts complaining and explaining that they're accusing him without evidence. And these cops don't give a fuck man. We even get the action sequence where they're charging at the whole gang with guns. It's almost like a real raid, they also have a cop car right there, with the sirens and everything. I mean, what can I say about this? What should I say about this? If you mixed the Rookie TV show with The Office camera style plus Comedy Central humor, that's what you would get. I mean, even the biggest genius couldn't invent this. If I had to guess, I'd say that the only person capable of making something like this is a guy who idolizes cops, drinks light beer, hates black people and is addicted to porn.

If you are interested in what the women look like, they're not anything special. I mean they're thick, but not in a sexy way. It's more like if you took three fat housewives from Tennessee and gave them a badge and a gun, and permission to cheat on their husbands. Desperate housewives couldn't even come close to this, and if you ask me, for a women's garbage show, it was pretty addictive. BlackPatrol.com basically did the same thing, just shifted it to a cop show style and got the low budget version of the girls.

As for the action on BlackPatrol.com, they're sucking dudes' cocks as a way of interrogating them or getting evidence samples. Or they're making them suck on their cunts as some sort of punishment. I don't know. And then the sex comes and boom, these crooked criminals are somehow reformed. The fat cunts of justice have stopped them, and now that the pussy scares them, they will never commit a crime again. In fact, they won't even come close to a woman again! Maybe they're not ghosts, but this is ghostbusters all over again, the female version.

Registration and conclusion

Well, the registration is interesting. If you click to register on BlackPatrol.com, they redirect you to some Vendo services, and you pay your price there. You can pay like thirty-something dollars for a one-month membership, or you can pay a little over a hundred dollars for a full year. All in all, the prices are great. I might just buy the membership, simply because I want to be a part of this. If you remove the sex part, I think that you could actually sell it to a TV network. This is a gold mine right here, ladies and gentlemen. The product of this century, and it's pretty fucking good if you ask me. Peace out!