I just jerked off to a video that was so weird and yet so hot, and honestly, I may have just dreamed the whole thing. Selena Gomez calmly speaks about the first time she’ll actually be playing piano and singing. While she talks, she’s riding this dude’s cock, her tits jiggling with each bounce. It looks completely real, but the website it’s on is called CFakes. I guess the name might be a clue that this video ain’t legit.
CFakes, as the fucking geniuses out there have already guessed, is short for Celebrity Fakes. They’ve been around for about a decade now and have spent the time steadily building their collection. As you can imagine, it’s fucking enormous. By my calculations, they have about 3,360 videos and more than 200,000 images of famous broads in compromising positions.
Natalie Portman and Her Dildo Collection
The design of C Fake is not pretty to look at. The colors are ugly and a few obnoxious ads slipped through my ad blocker. They show virtual strippers flashing me, or dicks inflating and deflating in an endless loop. Sorry, but watching a CG boner growing doesn’t do anything for me. They’re not contagious.
The layout of the front page has the elements you’d expect: new and hot images, some videos, and a few lists of the top celebrities, categories, and countries. It’s not too different from any other porn site, only CFake somehow manages to make it look cluttered.
But we’re not bopping the bologna to the fucking layout, are we? Unless you’re some kind of design nerd who gets a hard-on for elaborate Wordpress themes, you’re probably not going to give a shit. The important thing is that the site works and the content is good.
Let’s talk about that content. Some of the newest uploads flash across the top of the main page. Right now, I see Rachel Maddow flashing her tits, Shakira showing her cunt, and Sammi Hanratty in all her naked glory. Natalie Portman is fucking herself with dildos in two of the pics. Well, technically, she’s fucking herself with a champagne bottle in one of them.
These Galleries Run Deep
Users can rate the content, so I wasn’t surprised to see that the new Rachel Maddow pic only has a star and a half out of five. She’s kind of an acquired taste. I never imagined her naked before—she’s a little butch for me—but now I’m kind of wondering what kinda bod she’s really packing.
I clicked through to the full Rachel Maddow gallery. It actually took a few clicks before anything happened, because the site wasn’t cooperating with my ad blocker. Holy shit. There are 14 fucking pages of fake Maddow nudes.
Naturally, the chicks who inspire more dolphin-flogging fantasies have much bigger galleries. Selena Gomez has 49 pages of fakes, which means I can finally stop jacking off to Spring Breakers. Harry Potter pervs are in for a treat with the whopping 105 pages of Emma Watson nudes.
The pics do vary in quality a bit, but overall they’re very well done. This isn’t the work of some asshole kid who just pirated Photoshop and started doing sloppy cut-and-paste jobs. The fine artists uploading their work to CFakes have been doing this for a while, and have honed the craft.
It’s really amazing what they can do. I found a few pics of Scarlett Johansson with really realistic jizz all over her face. There’s one of Katy Perry bound and gagged in her underwear by some MILF. I’ll be spanking it to the pic of Miley Cyrus getting fucked into a couch until the day I die.
You can browse the full list of famous people in the Celebrities section, but I just typed names into the search bar at the top. I tried Olivia Munn, Cardi B, and Ariana Grande. Just for shits and giggles, I typed Lucille Ball and Martha Stewart into the box. Every search turned up a shit ton of images.
The I Love Lucy pics bring up an interesting thing about fakes. They tend to start with the best photos of celebrities, at their peak sexual attractiveness. You can charm the snake through history to women who died before you were born, or you can just go back to before Lindsay Lohan dried out in the goddamn sun.
And Wait Until You See These Videos
I want to come back to that bizarre and sexy video of Selena Gomez I mentioned in the intro. It’s obviously her head, cut out of an interview she gave and pasted onto some slut’s perfect body in a porn scene. I mean, it’s obviously a fake because Selena Gomez doesn’t do porn and she’s talking about singing, but other than that it’s fucking flawless.
The clip is very short, just a 3-second loop. It’s a glorious few seconds, though. I’m not sure how many times I heard Selena say “it will be the first time that I’m actually playing piano and singing” before I finished. I do know that every time I hear a piano now, I think I might cum.
Welcome to the magical world of deepfakes. It would take some high-level geek training to explain how it really works. All you need to know is that they’ve trained computers to swap body parts between videos, and famous people are freaking the fuck out about it. Fakes are about to get a whole lot more interesting.
Honestly, you’re already starting to hear some rumblings about this stuff. I’m predicting lawsuits, maybe even attempts at making new laws to ban deepfakes. I hope it doesn’t happen, but in the meantime, I’m saving all these Emilia Clarke videos in case the shit hits the fan.
Cartoon Boners and Tit-Fucks
There are some drawings and cartoons just mixed right on in with the rest of the stash. I guess they’re all famous characters, but are they really celebrities? Is fan art of Marge Simpson really fake just because she has her legs in the air while she gets boned by Fry from Futurama? It’s not like she was less of a drawing and more of an actual person before.
I’ve got a lot of deep, philosophical questions about this. Aren’t cartoons of Jessica Rabbit sucking cock and getting dicked between the boobs really just hentai?
To each his own, I guess. Whatever. I’m just not that interested in a CG Wonder Woman when I’m looking at celebrity nudes.
Speaking of, CFakes has 20 porn videos starring a well-simulated Gal Gadot. I wasn’t too disappointed to see she’s not wearing the tiara in any of them. Her image section delivers on that front, though.
Registrations, Ads, and Pains in the Ass
If you’re using an ad blocker, which you should, you get some ads on the page but no pop-ups. The problem is CFake.com is built on a platform that loves pop-ups. By default, pics show up in a new window. My ad blocker got confused, thinking images were spam, and blocked them until I clicked a bunch of times.
You can turn your blocker off, but then you do get real pop-up spam along with the pics. It doesn’t happen with every click, so it’s not too bad. The best option is to leave your blocker activated, but set it to allow pop-ups from CFake. Some spam will still get through, but you’ll get less and the site will at least work like it’s supposed to.
Another issue I ran into was content locked to unregistered users. Of the 15 Angelina Jolie clips on CFake, I can only watch 3 without registering. As far as I can tell, registration is free, but I’m wary about giving out an email address. You have no idea how many offers The Porn Dude already gets for dick pills every day.
While CFakes has some design and spam issues that will slow you down, the content is spectacular. The collection of fake celebrity images may be the biggest I’ve ever fapped to. Their video section is their real selling point, though. I’ve never seen such realistic fakes in my life, and CFakes has a monster collection of them. For the low, low price of free, it’s absolutely worth your time.