Is there even such a thing as too big? I swear to God, most women nowadays are willing to take eleven full inches until it bruises their cervix and whimper like God himself has come down to bless them with cum. You think I’m exaggerating? Please. I’ve been in the dating game, or rather, fuck and dash game, for too long now. I know exactly what these bitches crave but will never say out loud. They are strong, independent women who want to get laid with the biggest cock around, then do their own thing in the morning while kicking you out of their house. Roles used to be reversed… but now we’re in this gender woke era where the fuck boys have become useless boy toys while the rest are living a life of solitude, dating AI companions on the internet.
And this world is so fucking indecisive about what even counts as too big that the whole argument is a carnival trick. You put a small chick next to a huge schlong, and suddenly it’s a weapon of mass destruction. Five-foot-nothing, tiny waist, cervix doing the limbo, and that same nine or ten or eleven looks like a battering ram. The comments cream themselves, saying shit like She can’t take that or It won’t fit or That’s too big. Then you take that exact same meatloaf, and you stand it next to a BBW with thighs that could smother a mid-size sedan, and all of a sudden it looks like a pathetic little wand. Where the fuck do we draw the line? Is too big a measurement or a costume change? Because right now, too big is just whatever makes the girl next to it look overwhelmed on camera.
Working The Big Work In The Shadows
I talked a lot of shit in the first half, but it’s not like r/TooBig ever addresses what counts as a meat stick that’s too big. These motherfuckers barely have a description talking about big toys and dicks. I mean, this subreddit has been around since 2014, and the only information you get about it is the fact that they allow images and GIFs of size queens taking big things. What qualifies as big?! Huh?! And my god… You people are eating this shit up! Over 478K weekly visitors?! That’s a fucking insane number! And on top of that, you get 1.3K weekly contributions, and the whole thing looks like a massacre.
Still, r/TooBig assumes you are mental, so they have a lengthy list of rules for you to follow. I’ll skim through them quickly: Big Dick posts only. What counts as a big dick? They never mention it. No solo dick content, duh. No self-promos, don’t be rude, Reddit-wide rules apply, yada yada… As far as I can see, this subreddit has a couple of moderators doing thankless work in the shadows, managing over 478K people weekly.
Speaking of thankless work, I’ve done a lot of it over the years. Not these reviews. These reviews at least let me stroke it, curse, and pretend a username is a face. I mean life. Real, ugly, unpaid life. I have helped people get out of poverty. I paid the rent when their account was a crater. I bought the groceries. I sat on hold with agencies that treat a human being like a broken captcha. I got somebody a bed, a job, a way out of the hole they were drowning in. And when they finally stood up, they spat on me. They told the new friends I was controlling. They treated my help like a smell they had to wash off so they could pretend they flew out of that pit on their own wings. Then family. I helped my family. I showed up. I sent the money. I fixed the thing nobody else would touch. I was the reliable one, the one who doesn’t get to have a breakdown because somebody has to keep the lights on and the fridge from going feral. And they laughed in my face. They said that’s expected of me. Expected. Like I’m a utility…
The Terrifying Dick Drop
And yes, the chicks on r/TooBig are getting treated as a utility! Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the top posts of this week. I have to warn you, though: OnlyFans thots are not present here! It’s just random coomers on the internet who have found a video they liked and decided to clip it, GIF it, then post it here. Like, the titles of the best GIFs I found here are people speaking about how jealous they are, with a GIF attached of a man who looks more like a bear, cock bigger than yours and mine and half the people reading this combined, impaling a tiny chick with a cute bubble butt like it’s a casual Tuesday. And I swear to god, most of these clips aren’t even snippets from porn clips! They are the most raw, amateur, hardcore shit you find by mistake on xHamster after your wife falls asleep. Words don’t do them justice! This is the kind of shit you need to witness for yourself. I mean… you’ve got it all! Huge cocks throating desperate chicks, dicks that look like police batons penetrating a brunette on all fours, random blondes struggling to unhinge their jaw, but determined to accommodate the length… It’s almost scary, but extremely pornographic in the best way.
I’ll never get to experience the joys of having a massive cock. That’s the ugly little aftertaste sitting on my tongue after watching a bear of a man casually impale a bubble-butt gremlin like he’s clocking in for a shift. I’m an average dude. Above-average girth, I’ve said it, I’ll say it again, my boy has a handshake, not a headline. A meaty sword that shows up, does a respectable job, and never once makes a woman enter that state of terrifying excitement I just described. Nobody has ever looked at mine and gone religious. Nobody has ever gone quiet in that specific, scary way. They’ve gone okay. They’ve gone That’s nice. They’ve gone polite… and I’m tired of pretending that it’s okay! It's not okay! How come people out there get to live their best life slinging a real-life dragon dildo in their pants while you and I have to learn tongue techniques for the little clit? It’s fucking shameful! Yeah, I get laid a lot, but that doesn’t mean I’m not jealous, okay? Truth is… I’d pay big money to wield a flesh katana like that.
Fresh Big Dick Served By The Hour
Before I spiral into another meaningless rant about penises, I need to take a breather and circle back to r/TooBig. In all honesty, everything I said so far gives you a complete overview of this subreddit. Truth is, there are too many clips circulating around this subreddit, which makes it impossible for me to keep up. Like, I could be looking at a clip of a whimpering chick swallowing every inch, then refresh the page, and three new ones pop up. In the span of what? 40 seconds? That’s how damn wild this subreddit is. What I’m trying to say is that this place is more of a visual experience and less of a descriptive one. You have to see it, witness it firsthand in order to understand the appeal.
I talked a lot of shit. Bigger is better. Genetics doomed us. I’ll never be the baton. No girl has ever unhinged her jaw at my meaty sword and gone religious… yada yada yada, and then I have to sit here and admit the part that ruins my own speech: it doesn’t matter all that much. I still got laid! At the end of the day, with an average Joe between my legs, with regular length, girthy handshake, no r/TooBig credentials, no cervix-bruising headline, I still ended up in a bed with a real woman who let me in, moaned, came, or at least faked it well enough that I got to finish and walk out less haunted than I walked in. All of this r/TooBig content? All of it is a fantasy. And I enjoy the fantasy for what it is.
