There’s just something about me and page designs, man. That shit grabs me by the balls every damn time and drags me straight into review mode! They say first impressions are everything, and no shit, they’re goddamn right!
Northernspanking.com hits me with the colors, the layout, the fucking pictures, and I start fucking drooling. I was so turned on by the damn design that I started jerking my dick while typing, and when that kind of shit happens, you already know this motherfucker’s about to crank out another Porn Dude masterpiece. Let’s fucking do it!
Maybe it's about the redhead
The first goddamn thing I spot, the absolute first, when I load northernspanking.com, is this hot picture of two gorgeous sluts cuddling on a bed. One of them’s a curly redhead. She wears those tight little white panties, and fuck me, that alone made me hard as rock.
I’ve always had a thing for redheads, all soft and cuddly, sweet as sugar, but with that hint of naughty alt filth, like a warm goddamn cup of cinnamon mixed with sin on a rainy morning. Everything fucking pops here on northernspanking.com! It's all sharp, fresh and clean, like it’s trying to sell me cozy sweaters instead of spanking smut. Fuck it, I kinda love how comforting it looks! I know, I know, you’re here for pussy, cock, but shit, I’m feeling weirdly romantic today. That only happens once every goddamn century, so enjoy this sappy motherfucker while it lasts.
I’ve got no goddamn clue what Northern Spanking is supposed to stand for. Which North are we even talking about? North of where? In any case, the spanking part, that I get, loud and clear.
Even though the site rocks this plain beige background like it’s afraid of color, it still manages to feel kinky as fuck. Sure, maybe a combo of black and red would scream fetish harder, but who the fuck cares at this point? The real test here is the content that’s either gonna make my dick hard or make me close the goddamn tab. So fuck it, let’s stream some nasty shit and see what these motherfuckers are packing. Moving the fuck on!
Court and punished
The latest video upload is some “Court and Punished” shit, and it looks like a filthy little female threesome. I click on that motherfucker, not expecting much. After all, northernspanking.com is a goddamn paysite.
As a free lurker, instead of a real trailer, I get this tiny gallery of pics that look like some half-assed compilation or a desperate attempt to show off the site’s theme. Not fucking bad, but come the fuck on! I like it when sites are clean, honest, and show me an actual goddamn trailer for each video. Is that too much to fucking ask?!
I see this naked chick with nothing but stockings on, bare pussy, pretty and wet, getting whipped across her gorgeous ass, so yeah, it's all fucking cool and crisp, but there's something about northernspanking.com that doesn't scratch my itch. Sure, the design is superb, and the content is obviously lit, but I wanted something to give me even half a boner despite I'm not a member yet. Guess shit just doesn’t always go the way your cock wants it to.
Damn, the site is fucking huge
Slightly fucking disappointed, I drag my horny ass back to the homepage, dead set on figuring out how many videos and pics this motherfucker’s got. I click on that little double arrow thing, and that's when northernspanking.com fucking smacks my ass. It says 1381, and that's when I realize that northernspanking.com is rather fucking big for a fetish site.
Sure, you have a mix of picture galleries and pictures included in the number, but it's still fucking awesome. Sure, northernspanking.com can be boring with that absence of trailers and shit, but it looks that it has enough girth to please the biggest of you cunts. All good!
When it comes to the videos only, you're looking at around 840 releases so far. All of them are fucking HD, and just so you know, all of them are exclusive, meaning you can't find them anywhere else on the web, especially if you want them free. Not gonna fucking happen. This is where chicks get spanked in HD, whipped, birched, paddled, and all that fucking jazz, where she misbehaves and she needs some good old corporal punishment to cum to her senses. Moving on.
The motherfucker has been online for decades
I find this About Us section, and decide to give it a go, again not expecting fucking much. I was ready to talk about the prices and shit, but fucking hell, it's good that I actually focused!
I realized that these motherfuckers have been online since 1999. Pretty damn sure we all had dial-ups back then. They officially became northernspanking.com in 2003, and it all started in Glasgow, like we give a fuck. That “north” part actually made sense back then. Then they hauled their kinky asses to the English south coast, and now they’re running shit from Los Angeles, still calling themselves Northern like they’re north of my balls or something.
The masterminds behind all this spanking goodness are Paul Kennedy and Alex Reynolds. Props to them. They’ve built one of the oldest spanking empires still alive today. All fucking good, and on top of that, northernspanking.com comes with options like My Favorites and tags. They talk about that shit in the About Us like they invented it or something, very fucking odd, but what matters is that northernspanking.com is an experienced site that wants to give you good content and a decent user experience.
The goddamn prices
Yup, you have to pay for this shit, and just so you know, the flicks are presented in 720p .mp4 and.wmv formats for easy viewing/downloading, and you get plus High Quality 1080HD versions for the big screen enjoyment. I copied the big screen enjoyment part from the site. Sounded good.
In any case, you have two monthly options, the recurring one and the non-recurring one. If you want the recurring option, the price is $26.95. The price of the non-recurring monthly plan is $29.95. If you want to unlock northernspanking.com for 90 days, you'll have to pay $59.95. You also have the 180-day access priced at $94.95. Finally, the price of the annual subscription is $149.95. The prices are standard for the industry.
So, you make the payment, and gain access to this huge stash of fetish porn. It's all crisp, exclusive, and fucking kinky. As you know, northernspanking.com comes with decent filters. I particularly dig the models section. I don't recognize any of these cunts, they are not famous, but the crowd is fucking diverse and the babes have that grit to them. Amateur vibe to them, just like it should be in fetish porn.
Time to say goodbye
There’s no point in pretending this place is perfect. Northernspanking.com won't seduce you right away. Sure, the design is lit, but you don't get video trailers the moment you load the site. None of that wow factor shit, but I ended up reviewing it nevertheless. I don't regret it.
Northernspanking.com is good for anyone who likes spanking porn and that corporal punishment fetish in general. You'll also get endless streaming and a decent variety for a site of this kind. It's all decent. More than decent, actually. I mean, this fucker has been around since dial-up internet, which means it’s older than half the fetishes people pretend to understand on Reddit. These folks have history, structure, and experience coming out of their ears. They’ve seen it all, filmed it all, and somehow made it classy.
You can tell it’s run by people who actually care about their stuff. The scenes have purpose, are sharp as fuck, and the stash is huge. You get the basic options, filters, like tags, favorites, and models list.
Sure, you have to pay, but that's what happens when you want high-end fetish porn. Northernspanking.com is for people who like their fetish content with a brain and a backbone. Long dick short, northernspanking.com will be a pile of shit for anyone who wants free trailers and trashy porn. Everyone else, the ones who like their content authentic, will stick around and probably end up renewing their subscription.
Northernspanking.com might not look like much, but once you’re in, you realize it’s the kind of party where the host actually knows what the hell they’re doing. It’s old-school, serious about its craft, and confident enough not to beg for approval. You’re either into it, or you’re not, and that’s exactly why it works.
