Another spanking site getting ready for my vicious review. Every one of these horny motherfuckers wants me to slap my dirty stamp of approval on their shit, but I don’t hand that out like some limp affiliate whore who’ll suck any cock that waves a dollar at him.
While dealing with realspankings.com, I'm gonna tear it open, bitch about every little fucking thing, and finally tell you whether it's worth a wank or just another limp dick. Ready when you are!
Let me get past the design first
If you know me, you know I dig cool designs. It's like when you pack a huge dick but you are fat as fuck, with hairs sticking out of your nose. Doesn’t fucking matter how big you’re packing if the presentation makes me want to puke.
Well, realspankings.com clearly thought it could coast with some meh look. It looks bland as fuck, and that's not what I want from a fetish site. For fuck's sake, when you deal with spanking, at least throw a whip in the logo or something. Fucking hell!
The reason why I stay here is that note saying 1300 exclusive discipline and punishment scenes. Now we’re talking! I like it big! At least realspankings.com doesn't sit on its ugly ass all day. This motherfucker actually updates often enough and understand that size is everything in this motherfucking business. It's the joint's size that ended up saving the day, so yeah, let's fucking move on.
A couple of things I need to explain
I thought that realspankings.com was gonna slap me with the paywall right fucking away. I thought it was gonna be one of those sites where I have to show my Porn Dude ID to get inside and check shit out properly, but the joint turned out to be quite polite. I'm not a member yet, and realspankings.com stills let me see some of its flick. Sure, the Free Videos stash is there just for the testing purpose. It's not like that's the whole deal, but it's a nice fucking touch. I might end up liking the hellhole after all!
Another very important thing is that realspankings.com belongs to a porn network. I'll get into details later, but what matters is that we can all stop fucking worrying right now. When you have these networks, you always get your money's worth, mostly due to the bonus content, so sure, I don't regret giving realspankings.com a chance after all. I still can't get past its ugly fucking design, but at least the rest of the shit looks solid enough to keep my dick from going soft.
Let's fucking stream before we all go soft
Now I fucking get why realspankings.com calls itself Real Spankings! Before I continue writing a single word, I need you to fucking understand that the site hires nothing but chicks who like to be spanked, paddled, and whatnot. It's all fucking consensual, everyone loves it, so stop fucking whining. It's just a fetish and you're being a damn prude about it. Relax! No brushes were broken during the filming, but them asses, well, that's another story.
I stream one of these videos. It's not particularly long, but the quality is fine as hell, and that chick really gets brushed hard, or whatever it is you call it when a guy uses a hair brush to spank a chick. She is over his knees, like an obedient little slut, while he spanks her to the point that her cheeks go red and then fucking blue from all that shit. Like flames that get too hot and turn blue, goddamn! Fucking insanely hot if you’re into this kinda shit. I would’ve killed for a cock shoved in some hole while I’m at it, but hey, you can’t have a dick in every cunt, can you?
Ready for more
Now, I’ve already told you that realspankings.com looks like shit. I ain’t ever changing my mind on that. That odd layout makes it impossible for me to do any sane counting and come up with the size of the site's library. That's fucked up.
However, we all know that realspankings.com belongs to a porn network, and they mention that 1.3K exclusive videos deal, so maybe I shouldn't have bothered with the counting in the first place. Fuck me and my obsessive need to tally every cunt, spank, and scene in these goddamn xxx hellholes!
I can’t fucking count, so I gotta trust whatever shit the site throws at me. In total, you'll get 100+ exclusive spanking models, 30K hot spanking high-res pics, 3.3K+ scenes, 13.6K video files (whatever that means), and over 124K images. That's the shit written on the homepage. Fuck me if I know the difference between images and pictures! Realspankings.com obviously knows the difference, and me, I don't give a fuck at this point. All I want is to see that filthy maid getting spanked!
8 minutes of pure HD bliss
I finally stream the maid video. It goes on for 8 minutes, it's another free flick, and it's so fucking good that I almost forget about the messy design and shit. Just so you know, the player is tiny as a dick during the free videos, but hey, beggars can’t be motherfucking choosers.
The dude uses a cane to discipline his maid. Of course, she wears that signature outfit. The clip does look a tad vintage, not gonna lie, but the caning is fucking fierce, as it should be.
It all starts with the hoe trimming roses outside. She obviously fucks something up, chops off petals or something, so her boss decides to give her a lesson. She lifts up her little skirt in the middle of the kitchen and moans softly while the dude smacks her ass. Fucking beautiful, and maybe she picks up a couple of gardening tips between goddamn smacks.
About that network deal
Right now, the network rocks a special deal. That means you have to fucking hurry up! If you catch the deal, you'll gain access to eight fetish sites for only $34.95/month. Normally, it's $69.95. Then you have the 60-day membership priced at $99.95. You can pay via online check and credit card. That's it. Pretty damn simple.
The sites you'll unlock are realspankings.com, spankingteenbrandi.com, bispanking.com, spankingteenjessica.com, realspankingsinstitute.com, realstrappings.com, otk-spankings.com, and spankingbailey.com. All of these videos are about spanking, duh, and all of them sell nothing but exclusive and raw corporal punishment videos. I don't see a single fuck scene on any of these sites, but I guess I shouldn't have expected it in the first place.
Before I move on to the conclusion, I want you to know that realspankings.com is a rather simple site. You don't get any fancy filters, but maybe you don't need that shit. Fuck me and my expectations! You get this list of models, which is a neat touch, and it can work as a filter if you have a model preference. The focus here is on the fetish and its quality, and that's all that fucking matters. At the end of the day, you're here for the content.
Conclusion time
Conclusion, huh? Well, realspankings.com looks like shit. Counting the content is a goddamn nightmare because the site’s organization is all over the place, but fuck it, that’s just the design, and we all know looks aren’t everything, except when they’re this goddamn ugly.
The content is where the shit gets good. Realspankings.com is all about spanking, paddles, straps, and whatever sadistic shit you can imagine, and they do it big. They promise 1300+ exclusive scenes, 100+ spanking sluts, tens of thousands of images and videos, so yeah, it's big enough.
The free videos are there to inform you. Sure, the player is tiny as a dick, but at least the site doesn’t slam the paywall in your face the second you show up. You get a little taste of the action. If you like it, you pay up and unlock 8 sites. That adds crazy value to this whole deal.
Realspankings.com is where you get maids, teens, instructors, asses getting spanked in kitchens, gardens, and offices with paddles, straps, and hairbrushes. The sheer volume of exclusive spanking content makes every ugly pixel on that site worth it.
This shit is exclusive, and it keeps growing. Motherfuckers update this site regularly. Every month, new asses get paddled, so yeah, complain about the layout, the tiny player, the design, but at the end of the day, the content saves the motherfucking day.
You pay, you get tons of exclusive spanking porn, fresh content, hot little sluts who actually love it, and enough raw smacking to keep your dick hard for years. Case fucking closed!
