Russian Smokers! We all know that Russian chicks are some of the hottest girls in the world. I’ve met the real-life version of Ivana Humpalot from Austin Powers, and I can confirm that all the stereotypes you see and hear about Russian girls are fucking true. Even in European cities where I’ve fucked the finest German and Italian sluts, Russian whores have always been the best at satisfying my stiffy. But that’s another story for another time, and that’s not what this site is all about. One thing every Russian chick I’ve smashed has in common, other than the best fucking bodies fathomable, is that they all smoke.
I don’t know what’s up with that shit, but apparently, it’s a fetish that you fuckers have been trying to put me onto. In a way, I get it. To some of you strokers, there’s something sophisticated about seeing a slut smoking. Instead, what I see is a fine-ass babe with unhealthy habits, and more often than not, loose morals, which is a good sign that I’m about to get my dick wet yet again. But here on Russian Smokers, it’s not about seeing sluts smoking and fucking. This is a premium porn site that’s all about Russian chicks sitting and smoking — that’s it.
I have mixed feelings about that shit. Even though seeing Russian babes smoking is hot as hell, it’s a bit of a bummer for my bricked up meat to have to sit here and stroke without seeing these sluts suck and fuck. But then again, maybe that’s just what you wankers are looking for. That said, I want to make sure you gooners get my take, from the site design and videos to the pros, cons, and everything else there is to know about Russian Smokers before spending that semen splash cash!
Russian smokeshows smoking darts…that’s all?
I almost don’t even feel the fucking need to explain what you’re getting your dick into here. It really is as simple as a bunch of straight-up dimes sitting and smoking darts in every fucking video. Honestly, it got old after the third video I watched without seeing tits. Where the fuck are the knockers, goddammit? Sure, you have a few videos that show a slim-thick thot in a bikini blowing smoke. But after a few minutes, I have a feeling that you fuckers will be thinking the same thing as me: “Why isn’t she playing with that puffy pussy poking through those bikini bottoms?”
Russian Smokers seems like one of those sites that’s trying to be artistic, but mostly, they’re just experts at teasing and giving a motherfucker like me blue balls. In the descriptions of their videos, they’ll say shit like “The photographer used contrasting colors and lighting to highlight the beauty and femininity of the model.” Who actually gives a shit about that? Am I fucking missing something? I get that some of you fuckers don’t ever get to see gorgeous chicks like this, but goddamn, do something filthy for fuck’s sake!
Where’s the real porno?
You know what would make this site sick? If the girl was blowing smoke out of her pussy or asshole with the cigarette lodged inside — that’d fucking sell! Now, I’m not saying that a site like this doesn’t get subscribers — clearly, they fucking do. But where’s the real porno? I could’ve watched this shit for free on fucking Instagram reels. Fuck all of that ‘confidence and style’ bullshit; we want bare boobs and ass fucks! She can still smoke her stogie; nobody’s going to fucking stop her.
This shit ain’t even softcore, and quite frankly, it’s making me soft just from fucking thinking about it. So, that’s my honest opinion on the content. I’m not saying that you perverts won’t appreciate it. I don’t know why the fuck you would, but that’s just me. And that’s not me kink-shaming at all. Trust me, I’d understand this shit way more if there was some shit like ball-busting while a chick smokes her stick and bosses a beta boy around. I'm aware that there are just some dudes out there who get off on being bullied by a bimbo wearing a strap-on and heels. And I’m not judging them; they’d admit it themselves.
But to sit there and stroke your stiffy to a chick simply lighting one up? My guy, you need a fucking Brazzers subscription. You’d never fucking leave your house. But hey, at least these thots are fine as fuck, right? I will say that this is one thing Russian Smokers does right. I found a lot of unfamiliar faces here, which is rare when you wank as much as I do. It seems like Russian Smokers only hires fetish models. Have they been dicked down on camera? Maybe, but I have a feeling that some of these thots just answered an ad online to get paid to smoke on camera in sexy outfits. And like I said, who knows, maybe that’s all you need to nut.
I’ve seen way better site designs
Not only are the videos a straight-up cock tease, but I don’t fuck with this design that much either. At this point, I feel like a fucking hater. I’m really not trying to be, but you horny bastards deserve the truth. It just feels cluttered, unorganized, and a bit old school for what it could be. When you first pull up the site, you don’t even get a fucking menu.
Instead, you have to click on a video, and then it shows you a menu with options like videos, photos, models, the joining section, and the login page. On mobile, it’s even worse. I’ll give it to them; at least everything fits on the page properly. But let’s be honest, it could be a hell of a lot more user-friendly, which should be the bare minimum for a premium porn site.
One premium subscription? Really?
I really hate to keep grilling the fuck out of Russian Smokers, but here we are with yet another major flaw — one subscription price. Now, you can buy videos separately, which are typically around $10. However, if you want to subscribe, they only offer one subscription for 90 days, which is $199.95. For smoking videos — just smoking videos? You’ve got to be fucking shitting me.
One thing they do right is that they offer various payment methods, such as crypto and bank transfers. But, of course, I wasn't seeing credit/debit card options. At this point, it’s like one small step forward, and five major steps back. I just can’t fuck with that shit, my dudes. It pains me to say, but if you cock-jerkers were curious about a case study on how not to sell premium porn, Russian Smokers would be up there.
The pros and cons of Russian Smokers
I’m going to try not to reiterate the cons too much and try to bring some hope to you horny bastards. You already know that there’s no fucking and sucking here, and that they only show chicks smoking cigs, and that’s it. On top of that, the site is pretty fucking ass, along with the subscription. I say all of that to point out that even though the cons definitely outweigh the pros, Russian Smokers ain’t all bad, especially if you’re into this type of content.
You still get over 300 videos of some of the hottest Russian bitches you’ve ever seen, and they even give you the ability to download on top of streaming. Plus, a lot of these models are exclusive — never before have they been fucked on camera. I can’t speak for all of them, but many of these thots don’t look familiar to me. I always remember a randy Russian chick. And even though the subscription is way overpriced, you can always buy individual videos.
Russian Smokers isn’t fucked, but they’ve got a lot of fucked up shit about their site that just doesn’t sit right for a pervert like me who’s used to hardcore porn and getting more of a bargain for my boner. They can turn this shit around. All we need is less smoking and more sucking and fucking, plus a little website maintenance, multiple subscription tiers, and more payment options. After that, they’d be on their way to getting my full support. But right now, this shit just ain’t cutting it!
Get blue balls while Russian beauties blow smoke
I get that some of you gooners will probably be into this shit. But for most of you masturbating motherfuckers who are used to Russians being hardcore anal-lovers, joining Russian Smokers is just a giant case of blue balls waiting to happen. These chicks continuously blow smoke, and you’re sitting there bricked up, waiting for a bra strap to drop or a hand to slowly creep down to her crotch. But no, that’s not at all what fucking happens. In fact, for the first time in a long-ass time, I didn’t cum once — not a single fucking drop.
But then again, I’ve seen some of the dirtiest, most diabolical acts ever recorded on camera. So, to me, this shit can’t even be considered softcore. Hell, I’ve seen mainstream movie love-making scenes that’ve made me hornier than this bullshit. Still, even though Russian Smokers didn’t do it for my dick, that doesn’t mean some of you simps who never get laid won’t like seeing these sluts sucking on a cig in sexy outfits. If that’s all you need to nut, power to you, perverts.
Anyway, that’s Russian Smokers for anybody who fucking cares. As for me, I’m going back to real Russian porn, like Rocco Siffredi’s anal threesome with the two Russian bombshells, Alexa Flexy and Mia Split, as they take turns getting their asses stuffed by a BBC. That’s what I call real porno, and Russian Smokers just ain’t it!
