Horror Porn

HorrorPorn! Hey, pervs, I’ve got something special for the extra-freaky freaks out there. This ain’t for everybody, that’s for damn sure. If you’re scared of horror movies or turned off by rough sex, hit the back arrow on your browser now. The rest of you can check out HorrorPorn.com. That is, if you’re brave enough.

The Last Whorehouse on the Left

Before you even get to look at HorrorPorn’s landing page, a big warning covers the screen. You’ve got to agree you’re an adult and won’t get offended before you can come in. It’s a standard feature of porn sites, and functions more to entice you than keep the kiddies out. Formalities, you know?

This warning screen is a little different, though. In addition to telling you they’re mobile-friendly, have regular updates of exclusive content, and videos up to 4K, there’s this wild blurb:

“The world is changing now, the sexual nightmare is coming. The biggest carnage you can imagine!”

Holy shit, what in the fuck am I even in for? I don’t know if it’s going to be rough (18+)teen fucks, werewolf blowjobs or deadly five-car pile-ups. I do know I’ve got to click the ENTER button to find out right away.

The previews behind the warning screen are like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Fans of horror movies, porno movies, and brutal sex are in for a real treat. If you’ve got a heart condition, go elsewhere. You might die of fright or have your erection explode in your lap.

The stills are crisp but have the intentional darkness and grittiness of your favorite horror movies. You know it’s funny: some of this high-budget porno is meant to look like low-budget exploitation classics.

The newest flick puts a sex spin on The Nun. This nun sucks cock and fist-fucks assholes, which already makes it better than the shitty version I saw in the theater. There’s also an evil Santa fucking women with candy canes before sticking his cock in their dirty faces, and the twins from The Shining, all grown up and doing porno-twin stuff.

If you’ve ever wished those old Italian jungle movies like Cannibal Holocaust could get sleazier, as I have, The Amazons looks like it could be fun. The trailer features 40 seconds of the naked natives, mostly women, ganging up to brutalize and fuck the poor tourists, miles, and miles away from any help.

You know that criticism of modern flicks like Saw, Hostel, and The Human Centipede being nothing but “torture porn”? Well, those prudes ought to take a look at the trailer for The Beast From The Woods. I just did, and now I have a raging boner. I guess that means it’s time to sign up.

Cheaper Than a Subscription to Fangoria

HorrorPorn’s sign-up page breaks down the cost by the day, with the monthly price peeking out in a lighter font. I think it’s by design, because the site is a little more expensive than other premium sites. Not by much, though, and not half as much as deep-niche sites sometimes charge. This one’s about forty bucks if you’re only buying a month at a time.

Look, if you have to think over the price too much, this ain’t for you. It’s not one of those porn superstores that gives you access to a million blurry old anal movies for twenty bucks. This isn’t a buy-in-bulk Costco situation. As I’m writing this, they still have under 50 movies, and nearly all of them are under half an hour. Damned Nun is only 11 minutes long.

HorrorPorn’s price reflects the smaller audience they’re aiming at. It’s a few times more than Shudder, but you don’t have to spend nearly as much time trying to find the movies with dirty sex scenes mixed in with all the violence. (Hint: it’s all of them.)

Based on the screenshots and trailers, I’m guessing they make up for the lack of quantity with the high quality of their smut. All three tits on the whore from Freak House: A Three-Titted Whore look completely real, and a professional clearly did the monster makeup on the rapist in Outcast From Hell. There’s really only one way to test out the quality of a sex movie site, though.

The Hills Have Eyes and Giant Cocks

I’ve always been a big fan of fucked-up families who shun outsiders and practice every depraved variety of taboo the human mind is capable of dreaming up. I also like seeing them depicted in film. You know, like in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, or My Step-Sister Squirts 2.

Horror Porn has one called Twisted Family. The synopsis says the 25-minute flick is about a family living in a squalid shack. The father is a tyrant, the mother a psycho, and the two youngsters a retard and a space case. “This is not your daily soap opera, this is a story from the deepest corners of hell.”

It sounds more horror than porn, but the screencaps below tell a different story. Well, they tell the same story, but with more sex. Retard eats space case’s pussy and daddy fucks her like a dog. Mom is too busy getting her own pussy stuffed by the little idiot to keep her daughter from getting her face cummed on.

Sounds fucking hot, huh? Wait until you actually watch the damn video. I hope you like your sex dirty. Everybody and everything is covered in a layer of grime, even the couple fucking in the shed. The young one stares into space, rubs her cunt, and pisses all over herself. That’s in the first two minutes.

The production values are ridiculous. Every greasy face, filthy titty, and slippery dick looks crisp as hell. The camera focuses on the action and lingers, unsteady. It’s the kind of cinematography you see in both gonzo porn and simulated torture porn.

The atmospheric soundtrack pushes it closer to the horror end of the spectrum. The squishy sound of cock slamming into the girl’s cunt as she clutches a grimy baby doll mixes with an ominous drone, dark strings, and the occasional hammering of a drum. A fly buzzes from one of my headphones to the other as the girl stares vacant-eyed away from the father violating her. It’s a nice touch, the kind of audio fuckery rarely associated with pornography.

Hey, you know, this is some next-level taboo shit. Even if you hate horror movies, you’ll want to check this out if you want to see some really rough taboo. The moody soundtrack might distract you, but you could always turn the sound off.

Masturbating at the Freak Show

HorrorPorn is going to appeal to some very specific demographics of perverts. Just because you like horror doesn’t mean this site will do anything to you sexually. Most people who enjoyed Stephen King’s It don’t have much interest in seeing PennyWise get his dick wet. Those who do will pay extra.

I would recommend the site to anyone who has trouble finding porno rough and brutal enough for them. Do you want to see screaming bitches degraded? Treated like nothing more than a piece of meat? Fucked screaming while strapped helpless in a hillbilly torture instrument? You can find that here. There’s more taboo like the one I watched and some hardcore BDSM. It’s more intense than you’ll find even on most fetish sites.

There’s also a definite freakshow element that will appeal to gawkers and rubberneckers who aren’t here to jerk off. It’s more obvious when there’s a woman taking a whole head into her scary twat, but some of the stuff seems created more for WTF value than boners. I’ll admit, I did search for a Human Centipede parody as soon as I arrived. They’re missing a really obvious opportunity for a good mouth-to-ass-to-mouth-to-ass-to-mouth-to-ass scene.

The preview page should let you know right away if HorrorPorn is for you. It’s one of the most unique and well-done sites I’ve seen in a while, so it’s worth at least a look if you like rough sex, taboo, bondage, or you’re just a horror fan.